


You bring the music to my silent world

by Balthamos



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Disability, Growing Up Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 01:16:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 49,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/946902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balthamos/pseuds/Balthamos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Merlin are thrown together as children when Merlin’s mother moves into the Pendragon Manor as the new housekeeper, bringing her deaf son Merlin with her. Arthur is a loud and obnoxious child, whereas Merlin is quiet but not as shy as everyone thinks. The two children become fast friends, but as they grow up together things begin to change, due to the pressure of wanting to be normal, and the growing lack of communication between the pair. Growing up is never easy and the graceful friendship they had as children gets lost as they reach their teenage years, but through their difficulties they develop a deeper, stronger relationship, one far more permanent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Sad Little Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Big Bang and I somehow managed to find myself writing two very different stories. This is number one, a growing up together fic that had been a little idea of mine for a while. Firstly I'd like to thank my artist superfluous-emi, whose wonderful work can be found [here](http://superfluous-art.livejournal.com/4258.html). Thank you so much for your wonderful art. I'd also like to thank martabulous my wonderfully patient beta who did a brilliant job correcting my many mistakes.

 

 

 

To most, it would appear that Arthur Pendragon was a lonely boy. After all he did not have any friends his own age. His only friend was Sam the gardener and he was aware they were not real friends. Arthur knew that Sam took pity on him and allowed Arthur to follow him around the garden, chattering away, because he was kind.

He tried not to let the loneliness upset him, but sometimes he saw the other children playing together at school without him. It made him run home and hide in his room, until his father lured him out with promises of gifts.

Arthur blamed himself for his lack of companions; because of the way he behaved. He knew he was too loud, too rude, and too demanding. But he was too young to understand it was in part due to the way his father had raised him. He did not realise how he’d been spoiled and mollycoddled, since he’d been born.

Arthur's mother had been the love of his father’s life, but she’d died giving birth to him. The little boy was so like his mother in looks, sometimes even in behaviour. For most widowers that would have put a strain on the relationship between father and son. To see the strong reminder of what one had lost on a daily basis should have been hard, but not for his father.

It had the opposite effect. Arthur became the most precious thing to Uther, everything that remained of his wife. When Ygraine died, Uther left his company in the hands of his understanding brother-in-law, while he did his best to raise the baby boy.

Uther did go back to work eventually, but he waited until Arthur was three. Then Arthur remained at home in the capable hands of the best nanny that money could afford.

Feeling guilty for leaving his son behind, Uther would lavish Arthur with the most expensive toys he could find. Thus as time passed, Arthur became accustomed to at first asking, and then demanding whatever he wanted. He always got it, because his father could not bear to see him upset, something Arthur learnt to exploit to get his own way.

When Uther was a boy his father had sent him away to boarding school at the age of eight. Uther was far less inclined to send Arthur away when he was so young. So after much deliberating, he sent Arthur to the local primary school. Due to his father’s reluctance Arthur was a year late by the time he started, which meant he was older and larger than the other children.

The other children were a problem for Arthur. Growing up in a manor house with a nanny and a housekeeper who catered to his every whim, Arthur had had no interaction with anyone his own age. On the first day of school Arthur got into fights with three other children. They fought over sharing toys, the fact that they did not do as he demanded, and his funny posh accent. The third fight had resulted in the other child walking away with a bloody nose.

His father stepped in and bought the school a new computer suite, so that Arthur did not get suspended. When he did not get into trouble, the other children decided to stay away from Arthur. They were worried he would hurt them too, no matter how much he promised that it would not happen again.

A couple of large thuggish boys in the year above offered Arthur their company. Arthur was not a bully though, nor was he cruel, just rude and used to getting his own way. Arthur had declined Valiant’s offer of friendship and first dibs on lunch money, opting instead to keep quiet and concentrate on his schoolwork. After that day, Arthur had few altercations with the other kids, and none ending in blood. So if Arthur's only friends happened to be employed by his father, he did not let it bother him because at least they did as he asked.

Things went to hell when Morgana’s father died and her mother did not return to claim her. It meant that she had to move in with them and at first Arthur had hoped he might make a friend closer to his own age. But that was not the case. Arthur was not sure whether it was because her father had died or because she disliked him, but as soon as she arrived, Morgana tried to do everything in her power to antagonise him. She called him spoilt, mocked him at every possible occasion and was always touching his possessions.

Morgana touching his things was the worst offense in his opinion and he expected his father to step in and send Morgana to a horrible orphanage for upsetting him. The problem was, for the first time in his life, his father was not letting him get his own way. Uther often took Morgana’s side when they fought, and encouraged him to be nicer to her, never commenting on how horrible Morgana was to him.

This time the fight was over Arthur's brand new remote controlled car, Arthur had several remote controlled toys, but the car was by far his favourite. Morgana liked it as well. She had insisted that she had as much right to play with it as he did. When Arthur point blank refused to give in and hand over the controller, she had gone running to Uther, eyes filled with crocodile tears.

Thus, Arthur found himself in his father's study for the third time that week. He was standing in front of the large desk, the one he used to hide under when he was smaller. Arthur shifted from foot to foot as his father glared between the two of them and lectured him on the importance of sharing.

Morgana stood beside him looking smug, as always. She thought that she could boss him around even though she was twelve, just two years older than Arthur. She would be starting secondary school in September and thought that made her an adult. Arthur could not wait for that day. It meant she'd be going away to boarding school and then he would just have to put up with her during the holidays. Arthur was hoping things would return to normal at the house, for term-time at least.

He turned to Morgana and scowled at her, but his father saw and slammed a hand on the desk, commanding their attention.

"For heaven sakes Arthur this is getting ridiculous! I asked you to make Morgana feel welcome and you've done nothing of the sort," he said. "Morgana is family now and you are aware the circumstances which brought her here. I thought you'd be more considerate. I know it’s hard for you to make friends, but this is taking it too far. You need to start learning how to behave around other children." He shook his head, frowning at the children befor him.

Arthur shuffled where he stood. Morgana's father had been good friends with his own and when he had died in a freak training accident, Uther eagerly stepped forward to take care of her. Morgana's mother had been absent from her life since she was five. The lack of a mother was something they had in common, except Arthur’s mother had died, she had not chosen to abandon him. Arthur did feel bad for her, having no family and having to move far away from her friends, but he had tried to be nice.

One problem was that Morgana had never appeared to be sad; if she had, Arthur might have found it easier to be more pleasant toward her. From the moment she had arrived she annoyed and irritated him, for no reason other than she disliked him as much as he did her.

"She keeps touching my things," Arthur said, stamping his feet.

Uther sighed wearily. "I do not see why that is a problem, you have plenty of toys Arthur," he said.

Arthur raised his hands in protest. "She is a girl!" He said, pointing at her. "She should be playing with dolls. If she plays with my toys she will break them," he said.

Morgana snorted. "Oh you are so spoilt Arthur," she said.

"I am not," Arthur said, giving Morgana a good shove.

"Stop this at once Arthur!" Uther said, his voice rising. "You two will learn to play fair, do you understand?" he asked, pointing his finger between the pair of them.

"Yes father," Arthur said, eyes downcast.

Even though Morgana had been there for months he still hadn't gotten used to being in trouble. It left an unpleasant feeling in his stomach.

Morgana just nodded at Uther, although she too looked worried at his anger.

"Now enough fighting over toys." Uther said, his tone back to normal. "It's a lovely day, so why don't you two go outside to play? I'm sure there are plenty of games you can think of, to play together," he said.

"Father that sounds boring," Arthur said, rolling his eyes at the suggestion.

Morgana did not argue, trying to stay on Uther's good side, but her lip curled at the idea of being forced to spend time with Arthur.

"Nonsense, the fresh air will do you good. You children spend far too much time indoors these days. The house has beautiful grounds, you should take full advantage of them. There are some children who don't even have gardens," Uther said.

It was clear he thought the matter closed, so Arthur and Morgana left the office, allowing him to get back to his paperwork.

"Are we really going to play in the garden? Together?" Arthur asked as they made their way back to the playroom to drop off the car.

"Yes, unless you want to make Uther cross," she said.

When they got to the playroom Arthur put away his toys in their correct place. He was a rather particular child about certain things. When he finished he turned to face Morgana who was standing by the door, tapping her foot.

"Well what are we going to play?" They began to make their way out of the house.

"How should I know? You've lived here longer than me, what do you play with your friends when they come round to visit?" she asked.

Arthur stayed quiet for a moment. "Er... they don't come round here," he said, looking at his feet.

He expected Morgana to press the issue, mock him for never having parties or sleepovers, but she let it go after staring at him for a moment. He saw the flicker of pity in her eyes, but ignored it.

"Fine, let's make a swing." She placed her hands on her hips, challenging him to argue. "My father made me a swing out of rope once," she said when he didn't reply.

"Okay," Arthur said.

"We'll need rope," she said.

"That’s easy, there should be some in Sam’s shed." Arthur led her to the back of the garden. "Rope swings aren't supposed to be for girls," he said, stepping back in case she got mad.

"Why should I play with dolls and ribbons?" Morgana asked. "My mother always used to try and get me to play Barbie and My Little Pony. She always tried to make me a little lady before she got tired of it and ran away. But dad, he would take me exploring in the woods, or fishing. Once he took me paint-balling and I got so many bruises," she said, running her hands over her arms, like a soldier showing off battle scars.

"That’s not why she left was it? Because you behave like a boy?" Arthur asked.

"I don’t behave like a boy, I just like boys toys, they’re better." Morgana said, "I don’t know why she left," she added, pushing Arthur away when he tried to pat her arm.

"Do you want to be a soldier like your dad?" Arthur asked.

Morgana’s father had been a General at Sandhurst, the officer training camp for the army. Morgana had lived at their grand house on the base since her mother scarpered, so she had grown up around the military lifestyle and it was clear she missed it.

"Sometimes," Morgana said, "to make him proud.”

"You would make a brilliant soldier, you're pretty tough," Arthur admitted.

"Aw thanks Arthur darling," she cooed, pinching his cheek.

Arthur pushed her hands away and hushed her as they reached the shed. He looked back at the house and then turned to Morgana.

"It's alright Sam's not here for another couple of days, but he wouldn't like us going through his things," Arthur said. "The little window’s open. I'll give you a boost and you can climb in and get the rope," he said.

Morgana nodded and watched Arthur widen the window before kneeling and cupping his hands. She stepped onto his palm and allowed herself to be pushed up through the window without complaint. Arthur waited as he listened to Morgana rummaging around in the shed; he was starting to rethink his opinion of her. He was still adamant that he did not like her, but he would be willing to let her play with his toys. Arthur hoped that his father would take him paint-balling too, if he made the effort.

When Morgana returned with a length of strong rope, the pair made their way to the small grove of trees near the edge of the grounds. Morgana showed Arthur how to make the swing and tie it so that it was safe. Arthur stepped back to give her the first go, even though he was desperate to try it out himself.

When Morgana climbed down and allowed him his go, he was intent on showing off and impressing her. He ignored her warning to be careful and climbed higher up the rope, swinging faster and faster.

"Arthur stop it! Come down or you'll fall!" Morgana yelled.

"No I won't! I'm Tarzan!" Arthur shouted back, wondering why he didn’t play outside more often.

Morgana was right though, and after a few more swings his foot slipped. Arthur lost his grip and tumbled to the ground. He hit it hard, landing on his wrist and crying out as pain shot through his arm.

"Ow!" Arthur cried as he sat up, wincing in pain.

He squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to cry in front of Morgana.

Morgana rushed towards him. "Oh god!" She grabbed his shoulder. "Arthur are you okay?" She asked, concerned.

Morgana helped him to his feet and brushed him down with gentle hands. Arthur stood there cradling his arm and trying not to cry; Morgana kept her hand on his shoulder and led him toward the house. When they got inside, she took the time to sit him down in the sitting room before she ran into the hall yelling for Uther. The man himself came rushing downstairs straight away and hurried into the room.

When he saw his son’s pained expression he rushed over and knelt beside him, taking the arm Arthur was clutching to his chest and examining it.

"I don't think it's broken, but I'm going to call Gaius anyway, just to make sure," Uther said, rushing out of the room to get the phone.

When he had gone Morgana inched closer and tried to take Arthur's uninjured hand, but he pulled it away from her.

"Ugh don't hold my hand Morgana, gross," he muttered, but he allowed her to wrap her arm around his waist.

"You're so silly Arthur," she said "does it hurt?" She asked.

"Yeah," Arthur nodded, clutching his wrist and squeezing his eyes shut.

Morgana swiped a thumb over his eye rubbing away the tears, which were threatening to spill.

"M'not crying," Arthur mumbled.

"Gaius is on his way, he shan't be long," Uther said, re-entering the room.

He walked toward them holding a bag of frozen peas; he took Arthur's injured arm and pressed the cool pack to it.

"Gaius said to put ice on it to stop it swelling," he said, sitting next to Arthur.

"It’s cold," Arthur said.

"Glad to see your brain is still functioning," Morgana said.

"Don't be nasty Morgana, Arthur is hurt," Uther said.

Arthur looked up in surprise, his father never told Morgana off for being mean to him. He smiled at this small victory and stuck his tongue out at Morgana, who just rolled her eyes.

"Well the playing outside idea was a disaster. What happened?" Uther asked, looking at him with concerned eyes.

Arthur realised that he could lie at this point and his father was likely to believe him, in his worried overprotective mode. He saw that Morgana knew it too. She wore a curious expression on her face as she waited for him to lie and get her into trouble. But Arthur was not the cruel little boy everyone at school thought he was, so he told his father the truth.

"We made a swing, but I climbed too high. I fell," he said.

"I see," Uther said, nodding. "Well perhaps it would be best if you don't go on it again. But if you want, I can get you a proper swing set," he said.

"Yes please father," Arthur said.

Morgana looked as if she wanted to argue but the doorbell rang, stopping her. Uther got up to let the doctor into the house.

"Doesn't it annoy you?" Morgana asked.

"What?"

"That he treats you like a child," she said.

"Er... I am a child," Arthur said, frowning at her in confusion.

"No I mean the way he treats you like a baby or a toddler. You got hurt on the rope so now you have to stay away from it. The pool accident was months ago, but you’re still not allowed back in there," she said. "why didn't he just get you lessons, instead of forbidding you from going near water."

Arthur shrugged; the pool thing was a non-issue because he did not even like swimming. It had happened one weekend, before the summer holidays had even started. He had been sitting at the edge of the pool playing with his boats. His plastic catamaran had floated away, into the centre of the pool, so Arthur had grabbed a net to fetch it. He had leant into the pool to retrieve it, but stretched too far and slipped into the water. The housekeeper Beatrice had heard his screams before he had gone under and had pulled him out before he had been hurt.

Arthur had been fond of Beatrice, she had allowed him to call her Beatie and always used to sneak him cakes. But his father had dismissed her after the accident. He claimed she had neglected his son, even though as housekeeper minding Arthur was not her responsibility. Arthur had not had an actual nanny since he had started school and Edna had left to take care of younger children.

"Arthur what has happened to you my boy?" Gaius asked as he walked into the room with Uther.

"Fell off a swing," Arthur told him, holding out his arm for the doctor.

"I see. Let's take a look at the damage shall we?" Gaius said, taking his arm and turning it this way and that.

Arthur hissed in discomfort.

"He's in a lot of pain Gaius, should we take him to A&E? He might need an x-ray," Uther asked.

"I shouldn't think so Uther, it's clear to me that it’s just a sprain," Gaius said, letting go of Arthur's arm.

"Are you sure?" Uther asked.

"Quite certain. It will be sore for a few days so I'm going to strap it up to help it heal. And of course I'm going to suggest that Arthur sticks to indoor play for a few days." Gaius said, rummaging through his bag for a wrist support.

When he pulled out the blue and red neoprene brace, Arthur frowned. "Can't I have a proper cast?" He asked.

"It's not broken, silly boy," Gaius said, chuckling as he pulled the support over Arthur's hand. "Alright how does it feel? Can you wiggle your fingers for me?" he asked.

Arthur nodded and waggled his fingers at Gaius, smiling. "It feels comfy," he told the doctor.

"Good that will help it to heal," Gaius said. "You’re all done young man, you are free to go," he said, moving back toward his bag.

"He'll be ok?" Uther asked, watching Arthur pulling faces at Morgana.

"He'll be fine, keep the brace on for five days. Then you can take it off and his arm will be good as new," Gaius said, picking up his bag.

"Thank you Gaius," Uther said, running a hand through his hair in relief. "I just get so worried about him. I wasn't calling you away from anything was I? I forgot Wednesdays were your day off," he said, sounding guilty as he realised he had made a fuss over something simple.

"Oh it's nothing..." Gaius trailed off, worrying his lower lip.

"Gaius? Is something wrong? Is it your sister?" Uther asked, concerned for his friend.

"I’m afraid so. It's Balinor, he keeps coming back," Gaius said, shaking his head. "She’s staying at mine now so she’s safe, but I'm worried about her. She doesn’t have a job. but she won’t let me give her any money. After Balinor, she needs to be able to support herself, but with Merlin, I’m not sure what she’ll do," he said.

"Ah," Uther said, looking over at the children.

Arthur was ignoring them, trying to draw on his wrist support with a Biro, but Morgana was looking at the two adults with interest.

"Why don't you come up to my study Gaius? We can have a brandy and see if we can’t sort something out," Uther suggested, noting the curious expression on Morgana’s face and shaking his head in amusement.

Gaius nodded and followed him out of the room.

"What do you reckon that was about?" Morgana asked.

Arthur looked up at her confused.

"What?" he asked.

"Dr Freeman's sister?" she said.

"How should I know? Grown up stuff I suppose," he suggested, going back to scribbling on his arm.

"Aren't you curious?" Morgana asked.

"No," Arthur said, shaking his head.

He liked Gaius, even if the man did not give him pink Calpol any more, but he was not interested in the man's personal life. He did not see how his sister’s worries would ever have anything to do with him, so he did not dwell on it.


	2. A New Friend

Two weeks later Arthur found out that he had been wrong on the matter of Gaius’ sister, when his father entered the little computer room and cleared his throat. Arthur was in the middle of an important game so he ignored them. He had been ignoring Morgana, who had been sitting there and trying to distract him for the past hour and a half.

"Hello Arthur, I'm Hunith, I’m to be your new housekeeper," a woman said.

Arthur looked away from his computer briefly and nodded, he was not really interested. They had had two housekeepers since Beatie and neither of them had lasted: the house was too big for them to manage alone. There was also the fact that Arthur was rude to them because they did not give him cake.

"Come say hello Arthur," his father said.

Arthur sighed and paused the game, before jumping down from his chair and walking towards them. He took in the woman’s appearance: she was a small woman, with brown hair swept back and knotted in a bun. She looked a little timid, but there was something about her, which made Arthur believe that was not the case. She had a kind, friendly face, and she seemed the sort who would give sweets to children, so there was hope for her yet.

"Hello," Arthur said, holding out his hand.

That was when he spotted a small dark-haired boy hiding behind the woman, peering out at him with wide blue eyes.

 

  


"Who are you then, the chimney sweep?" Arthur demanded.

The boy just blinked at him.

"This is my son Merlin, he will be moving here too," Hunith informed him.

"No! No! No!" Arthur shouted, spinning round to face his father. "We already have Morgana! Stop letting more children live here father! I don’t want him!" he said, glaring at his father.

"See what did I say? I told you he’d be like this. He always has to have his own way," Morgana said, before Uther could speak.

"Shut up Morgana!" Arthur yelled, balling up his fists and clenching his teeth before he said something that would get him in more trouble.

"Arthur stop this-"

"No it’s not fair!" Arthur snapped. "You can’t let him live here, he won’t like me either," he whined, turning to look at the boy again. "And what’s wrong with him? Why is he staring at me?" he asked, stepping closer, "why don't you take a picture?"

"Woah Arthur," Uther said, pulling Arthur back, but not before Merlin flinched and hid his face behind his mother.

"Merlin is deaf Arthur, he can't hear you. He watches to get an idea of what people are saying," Hunith explained gently, before pulling Merlin forward again. "He's actually learning to lip read, but it’s difficult for him sometimes, with new faces."

"Oh," Arthur said, surprised at this revelation.

If Merlin couldn’t hear him, he was unlikely to be able to tell if Arthur was being rude or overbearing, so perhaps they could be friends after all. He stared back at Merlin before taking a step forward, he was curious now, about this odd child.

"Careful Arthur," Uther warned, but he allowed Arthur to approach Merlin.

Arthur ignored his father and studied Merlin with interest. "But his ears are so big," he told Hunith. "Are you sure he can't hear?" He asked, reaching to tug on Merlin’s ears; they were sticking out waiting to be pulled.

Hunith grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away, a flicker of anger passing over her face. "Don't touch his ears please Arthur it upsets him," she insisted, with a little force.

"Why?" Arthur asked, pulling free and scowling at her and then at Merlin. No one but his father told him what he could or could not do, and even that was rare.

"It just does," Hunith said.

It was clear to Arthur that she was hiding something but he let it drop.

"Ok fine," he said, turning to Merlin. "Are you sure you can't hear? Because your ears are huge," he asked Merlin in a loud voice, cupping his hands around his own ears to make himself clear.

Uther and Morgana shook their heads in despair, both looking disappointed at Arthur’s actions, assuming he was mocking Merlin. Hunith just watched the two boys, pushing Merlin a little closer to Arthur. Merlin stared at Arthur’s hands and then placed his own hands by his ears, flapping them.

Arthur grinned. "Would you like to play with me?" he asked.

"Arthur he can't hear you," Morgana reminded him.

"Oh yeah," Arthur said, frowning.

But Merlin studied Arthur's face, narrowing his eyes as he tried to understand. He nodded, seeming a little wary of Arthur.

"Great!" Arthur said, holding out a hand to Merlin.

Merlin took it after a few moments and then looked to his mother before allowing himself to be pulled out of the room.

"Are you sure he can't he lip read yet?" Uther asked Hunith.

"Well it’s complicated, he can lip read from me quite well because he is used to the way I speak. Both me and his father have hearing, so he learnt to lip read from us, but different faces make it harder. He didn’t learn sign language until he started school, we had a helper come round before that but she wasn’t any good.

"I used to worry that he would be at a disadvantage because he was behind, but he picked up the signs quickly. He went to a good school, back in Ealdor. I think he can lip read others but he’s young and easily distracted, the signs are easier for him," she explained

"Because they focus his attention?" Uther suggested.

"Yes," she said, "lip reading will make his life easier, in theory he should be able to have almost normal conversations when he gets the hang of it. Will he be ok with Arthur? He can speak just fine, but he won’t, he hasn’t since his father…" she worried.

Uther also looked concerned.

"Arthur won't hurt him, he's not mean. He'll just get bored and send him away," Morgana informed them.

Uther and Hunith still exchanged nervous glances, before Uther took Hunith to the study to discuss her duties.

 

Up in the playroom Arthur was showing Merlin all his many toys and he did not miss the look of amazement on Merlin's face. Arthur handed him the controller for his favourite car.

"Don't you have toys?" he asked, gesturing at the pile he had made by Merlin's feet.

Merlin was focussing hard on Arthur’s lips, after a moment he shook his head frowning a little. He began to move his hands animatedly before stopping and letting them fall back to his sides shrugging.

"Well it's alright you can borrow mine I suppose," Arthur offered, nodding at the controller in Merlin's hand. "But you mustn’t just take them, you should always check with me first," he said, looking at him; but Merlin wasn’t looking at his lips this time. Arthur would have to get this Hunith woman to explain the rules to her son.

Merlin just smiled at him and turned the controller over in his hands. Arthur positioned the car at Merlin's feet and switched it on, then placed a hand over Merlin's and pushed the little joystick forward. Merlin jumped as the car moved away, and let out a soft laugh, a squeaking sound, which made Arthur smile. Arthur let go of Merlin's hand and watched him chase the little car around the room, jumping over the furniture in delight. When he tired of that, he put the controller down and walked over to Arthur. He touched his hand to his chin before moving it forward, toward Arthur.

"Er ... did you say thank you?" Arthur asked.

Merlin shrugged and grinned at him, looking down at his feet and shuffling them.

"Well you're welcome anyway," Arthur said, grabbing Merlin's arm and pulling him towards the sofa.

They sat facing each other. Arthur pointed at his lips so that Merlin could see he wanted to talk.

"I don't have any friends," Arthur said, "I pretend it doesn't matter but I guess it does, so maybe we could be friends?" He asked, trying not to get too hopeful.

Merlin stared at him, he seemed to understand because he leant forward rubbed a thumb under Arthur's eye.

"I'm not crying," Arthur huffed, shoving Merlin’s hand away, "the other children don't like me because I'm so loud, and I'm bigger than them. I may have pushed them around a bit but I wouldn't hurt them," he explained. "But they avoid me anyway, they know I live out here in this big house and they think it's weird," he added.

Merlin frowned at him, his lips twitching. Then he clasped his hands together and making a gesture that looked like he was shaking his own hand.

"Do you even understand what I'm saying?" Arthur asked.

Merlin shook his head, and then smiled and pinched his thumb and forefinger together.

"Your mum said you were still learning to lip read," Arthur said.

Merlin hands fluttered about touching his face then his chest. When Arthur did not get it, he waved his arms about and pointed to Arthur.

"But I'm not waving my arms," Arthur said confused.

Merlin frowned, then smiled, then pulled a sad face and a cross face before smiling at Arthur.

"Oh you you’re reading my face," Arthur said. "I don't pull those silly faces though," he added.

Merlin shook his head and stuck his fingers into his mouth, pulling it wide and sticking out his tongue.

"Whatever," Arthur said, rolling his eyes, "how old are you anyway? You're smaller than me," Arthur said, holding out ten fingers then pointing to himself to show Merlin his age.

Merlin held up nine fingers, Arthur raised an eyebrow and Merlin took down one finger.

"Eight, well I suppose we can still be friends, even if you are a baby," Arthur said.

Merlin nodded.

"Can't you talk at all?" Arthur asked, making chatter signs with his hands.

Merlin frowned and then nodded again slower this time.

"So you can talk?" Arthur asked.

Merlin did not respond just sat there looking at Arthur.

"Why don't you talk then?" Arthur asked bossily, folding his arms across his chest and leaning towards Merlin.

Merlin understood that, and seemed to guess the tone of Arthur’s voice from the expression on his face. He looked at his hands and then got up from the couch and walked toward the door. Arthur sighed. He had done it again, scared someone away and poor Merlin could not even hear how rude he had been. Then Merlin surprised him, turning around and coming to sit back on the couch, staring at Arthur, waiting for him to make the first move.

"Alright I'm sorry," Arthur apologised, thrilled that he might still have a chance at friendship, "you don't have to talk I'll make do," he said, sighing.

Merlin smiled his cheeky smile again.

"Will you teach me?"

Merlin looked confused; he wiggled his index finger side to side.

"To talk with my hands," Arthur confirmed, flapping his hands in Merlin’s face.

Merlin nodded and took Arthur’s hands in his own, shaping them. It took a few tries but Arthur managed to replicate Merlin's hand movements, if a little jerkily.

"I've think I’ve got it," he said, copying Merlin again, "so what did I say?" he asked.

Merlin just grinned at him.

"From that look I imagine it's something I won't like, show me again." Arthur said, arms folded across his chest.

Arthur watched, observing Merlin's face as he signed.

"This is Arthur?" Arthur guessed, as he fingerspelled his name, "but the rest is something rude about me?" he asked.

Merlin pursed his lips and shrugged.

"Whatever," Arthur sighed, signing his name again and grinning at his hands. "I'll get my father to hire someone who'll teach me without mocking me, and you'll see. I'll be better at it than you too because I'm the best at everything," Arthur said, with false confidence.

He had said far too much for Merlin to follow because the boy just raised his eyebrows and grinned. Arthur rolled his eyes and practised finger spelling his name again, he could not do it as fast as Merlin but he was getting the hang of it.

"My voice is weird," Merlin said. His voice started quiet but rose in both volume and pitch on the weird, he stumbled over the sounds awkwardly, his speech slower than Arthur’s.

Arthur stared at him, an uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach as he observed the way Merlin looked at his hands instead of at him. He clearly wanted to hide his reaction. Arthur reached out placing a hand under Merlin's chin and raising his face.

"How would you know?" he asked.

Merlin narrowed his eyes and shrugged.

"Has someone told you this? Was someone mean to you?" Arthur asked, "I could beat them up, if you’d like?" he suggested, miming vicious punches.

Merlin smiled weakly and shook his head, looking back down at his hands. Arthur caught his face again forcing Merlin to look at him.

"I don't think your voice is weird," he said. "But if you'd like maybe I can do the talking for both of us," he said, smiling and hoping that Merlin understood him.

Merlin smiled back, seeming to understand the gist of what Arthur had said from the determined look on Arthur’s face, but that was not good enough this time. Arthur jumped up and pulled out his old chalkboard. He had broken it in a fit of anger after Morgana had drawn all over it, so it no longer stood up properly. He brought it over and wiped it clean with his hand. Arthur pulled out a piece of green chalk, hoped to himself that Merlin was able to read.

 _I don’t think your voice is weird_ he wrote in large letters before turning the board to Merlin.

"Ok?" Arthur asked him.

Merlin nodded smiling, and tapped his chin like he had before, shuffling closer to Arthur and taking the chalk. _Thank you_ he wrote in shaky letters. Arthur smiled and tugged Merlin off the sofa, dragging him over to the toys again.

Arthur soon learnt that Merlin was not quite the innocent little angel he appeared to be at first glance. He was quiet and shy, but he also had a secret mischievous streak. He had first discovered Merlin's hidden dark side when he was giving Merlin a tour of the house, two days after Hunith had moved into the house. Arthur had shown Merlin the gardens, the drawing room and the music room, all of which Merlin had wandered around with a mild interest. He had been a bit more interested in the library, so Arthur had snuck out a few children’s classics for them to read together. When they got to the swimming pool, Merlin wanted to see what was inside, intrigued by the idea of secret rooms in large manor houses.

Arthur managed to explain that the room contained the indoor swimming pool with gestures, but he was unable to explain what had happened in there. Merlin did not seem to care though, he was too excited about the fact Arthur had his own swimming pool. Thus, an hour later the cheeky devil had somehow filched the keys from his mother when she turned her back, and let them in to room.

Arthur hung back as Merlin ran into the room delighted, his arms fluttering madly. Arthur had no idea what he was saying but he guessed that Merlin was impressed, and fond of swimming. Merlin wandered back toward Arthur when he realised he was not beside him and grabbed his wrist pulling him closer to the edge.

Arthur snatched his hand back, flashes of what happened last time filling his mind.

"No Merlin, I can't swim," he said, chewing his lip.

Merlin watched him and tapped his lips.

"I can’t swim," Arthur repeated, he found that speaking slowly helped sometimes.

Merlin looked at Arthur for a moment before looking back to the pool. Arthur sighed and waved at the pool.

"Go on then," he huffed, folding his arms across his chest.

Merlin grinned and stripped down to his underwear before jumping in; making those squeaky laughing sounds that Arthur was quite fond of, although he wouldn't admit it. Arthur pulled off his socks, rolled up his trousers, and made his way to the edge of the pool. He sat down and dipped his feet into the warm water, gripping the edge, just in case. He watched Merlin splashing about, not quite swimming but floating with ease. After a while Merlin paddled his way to Arthur, he cocked his head and looked at him.

"I haven't had lessons yet, we don't start till year six," Arthur tried to explain.

Merlin continued to stare at him, blinking the water out of his eyes.

"I'm scared of the water though, I fell in and almost drowned," Arthur said, shuddering at the thought.

Merlin reached out a hand to Arthur smiling, but Arthur shook his head.

"No," he said, with force.

Merlin nodded, still smiling and paddled to the edge, clambering out of the pool and sitting himself beside Arthur. He shook his head spraying Arthur with droplets of water.

"Merlin!" Arthur scolded, shuffling away from him.

But when Merlin started to shiver he grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to the pool chairs fetching a towel. Instead of handing it over, he threw it at Merlin's face, as the little idiot had gotten him wet. Then he sat on the chair facing Merlin, as he dried his hair, leaving it sticking up in all directions when he put down the towel.

"How come you can swim so well? You're a baby," Arthur asked scowling, it always annoyed him when other children were better than him.

Merlin just stuck out his tongue so Arthur scowled at him. Arthur jumped when the door to the poolroom swung open, slamming against the wall and echoing through the large room.

"How did you get in here?" Uther bellowed, glaring at the two boys.

"I... um..." Arthur flinched away from his father's angry gaze, "it was..." he looked to Merlin for help.

"I will ask you again Arthur-"

Merlin rose from the chair and approached Uther; he reached up and tugged on the man's sleeves to get his attention. Uther noticed and looked down at him surprised, taking in the towel wrapped around his shoulders and his still damp hair.

"You're all wet," he said, his voice softening. "For heaven sakes boys the pool room is locked for a reason, you could’ve drowned," he said sighing, and wringing his hands.

"I didn't even go in the water," Arthur argued, "and Merlin can swim," he added.

"Don't be ridiculous," Uther muttered, running a hand through his hair.

"Is everything all right sir?" Hunith called from the door.

Uther turned to face her.

"Did you let the boys in here Hunith? They shouldn't be in here," he said crossly, "Arthur can't swim."

"I didn't go in the water!" Arthur shouted at them.

Merlin started to sign to his mother who shook her head in anger as she realised what he had been doing.

"I'm sorry sir," she said to Uther, "Merlin took the key. He loves to swim you see. We used to live by the beach," she explained with a touch of wistfulness in her voice.

"You let him swim? In the sea?" Uther asked Hunith, horrified at the idea.

"Oh yes, he loves the water, ever since he was tiny," she said ruffling Merlin's hair perhaps a touch rougher usual, still a little cross with him.

"But... that's rather dangerous, he's so small," Uther said, but he paused looking over Merlin, seeing him unharmed and healthy. "I sometimes worry that I am too protective of Arthur," he said.

"You’re his father it's natural, I worry about Merlin all the time," Hunith said.

Uther watched Arthur for a moment.

"Alright Arthur I am going to go back to my study. I will allow you to stay in here as long as you promise not to get in the water," he insisted.

"Yes father," Arthur said.

"Maybe you can show Merlin your boats, they're still in the cupboard over there," Uther suggested pointing at the built in closet.

Arthur dashed off to rifle through his toy box; Merlin followed him.

"He’s so precious to me Hunith," Uther said to Hunith, "I lost his mother, I can’t lose him."

"You won’t lose him Uther, but you mustn’t suffocate him," she warned.

"I know and I’ve spoilt him, I always gave him what he wanted and now he struggles at school, with the other children. He just hates not getting his way," Uther said.

"Arthur seems alright right with Merlin," Hunith said, nodding at the two boys dragging the box of toys towards the pool.

"He does, doesn’t he?" Uther said, "Let’s leave them to it, shall we?"

Hunith nodded and followed Uther out of the room.

Arthur opened his plastic toy box, rummaging through the assortment of playthings until he found his catamaran.

"This is my best boat," he told Merlin, with pride.

Merlin wiggled his arms like waves, his eyebrows raised.

"Er... if I’m not allowed near a pool my father wouldn't let me go near the sea would he?"

Merlin shrugged then jumped back into the pool. When he resurfaced Arthur scowled at him.

"Merlin we are playing boats now, not bloody mermaids," he said huffily.

Merlin just looked at him for a moment before giggling and diving back under the water.

"Why did you move away from the sea?" Arthur asked as he placed the boats on the water.

Merlin swam up and took the sailboat from him, pushing it around on the water. He did not acknowledge Arthur’s question, but Arthur could see from the sad expression on his face, that Merlin had understood what he had asked.

Arthur was well aware that Merlin had his own room in the large house. It was next to his mother's room so that she could keep an eye on him. But since they had moved in over a month ago, Merlin had slept in his own bed a grand total of four times. What had started out as a sleepover had escalated into the two boys sharing a room. His father did not mind, he had even promised them bunk beds. Arthur enjoyed sharing his room with Merlin; he found they came up with their best plots at night. Like the time when Merlin had swapped Morgana’s shampoo with golden syrup. Arthur had been blamed for that one because Morgana refused to believe that baby faced Merlin could come up with such an evil plan.

As the summer went on Arthur found himself understanding Merlin better, picking up on the signs he used and replicating them clumsily. He tried to use the chalkboard as little as possible because he worried it would stop him learning signs. Merlin seemed to be able to lip read when he focussed, but Arthur saw how he got distracted. They reached an easy understanding, which was inevitable, they spent almost all of their waking minutes together. Merlin’s deafness didn’t stop him knowing what Arthur meant, nor did his lack of speech stop Arthur understanding him.

"What Morgana?" Arthur asked.

She was watching them playing together, something she had been doing a lot. Following them around with the pretence of reading a book. It annoyed Arthur, he suspected she was planning something from the expression on her face. He could not read it like he could Merlin’s easy expressions, but he could tell that she meant trouble.

"Nothing," she said.

"Why are you always watching us?" Arthur asked, making the sign for watching so that Merlin was able to follow the conversation.

"I'm just observing you, you've changed," she said, smirking at him.

"I-"

Merlin interrupted his hands shaping questions about Morgana, he had been watching her, frowning.

"She's eleven why?" Arthur asked.

Merlin held both hands out flat in front of him and rubbed them together before moving his right hand across his chest.

"Oh I know," Arthur said, rolling his eyes.

"What did he say?" Morgana asked him.

Sometimes Arthur forgot that neither his father nor Morgana understood Merlin yet, as he could understand Merlin with ease.

"Er... just that you act a lot older than eleven," Arthur explained. "Even Merlin can tell you’re being smug and he can't hear a word you’re saying," he teased.

"Well someone has to be mature," she said, still smirking. "You really understood that? Little kids pick up on language quickly, but it's only been a month and a half," she said, failing to hide the amazement in her voice.

"I’m not little!" Arthur said. "And I don't know how I do it," he said thinking, watching Merlin's hands flap. "The thing is I only understand a few of the words but I know the things he wants to say and fill it in," he explained.

"Your first real friend," she said.

"Yeah," Arthur said.

Merlin beamed at him and Arthur couldn’t help grinning back.

"Don't bugger it up," Morgana warned, "I know how hard it must be for you to not behave like a prat," she teased.

Merlin laughed his squeaky laugh, prodding Arthur.

"Can he hear me?" Morgana asked, confused.

Arthur looked Merlin over; who had an innocent expression on his face.

"No you speak too fast for proper lip reading, but I bet he got 'prat'," Arthur guessed and from Merlin's cheeky smile he knew he was correct.

Arthur had started attending Merlin's sessions with Alice as soon as she had started coming to the house. He did not like to feel that he was missing something. Even though she was there to help Merlin, she helped Arthur with learning the signs, pleased that he was able to pick it up with relative ease.

"It's almost time for school to start," he informed her, stumbling over the sign for school.

"Is it really?" she asked, correcting his gestures before turning back to Merlin.

"Yes but will Merlin be going to school too?" he asked, making Merlin's name-sign of wizard and repeating the sign for school again, correctly this time.

Alice looked to Merlin, who looked back at her with hope in his eyes.

"Well I've been speaking to your father and Merlin's mother about that. Merlin has been learning at his old school in Ealdor for the past four years, they had good facilities available for Merlin," she explained. "But his lip-reading is getting good now. I think he would be ok as long as the teachers were patient. These days Merlin is my only pupil so I'll be able to attend the school with him if required," she added.

"No because if you send him to my school I could help out, I could go down a year so that we're in the same class," Arthur said.

"Well I think it's best that I go with him for the first few weeks, I’ll need to show the teachers how to speak to him. Although you won't need to change classes, Merlin will be in your year anyway," she told him.

"But he's a baby," Arthur said confused.

Merlin threw a cushion at him for that, his lip-reading was getting more accurate.

"Yes but Merlin got moved up a year after infant school, he skipped year three because of his KS1 results," she explained.

Arthur turned to Merlin and mouthed "you nerd" before turning back to Alice.

"Is Merlin really coming to school with me?" he asked.

"Yes dear I suppose he is," she said warmly, "now if you don't mind Merlin may be a ‘nerd’ as you say, but he's easily distracted so requires most of my attention."

Arthur smiled at her and went back to observing the lesson, trying to commit all the signs she made to memory.

  


Later that night, his excitement at the thought of Merlin joining his school had worn away; now all he felt was worry and anxiety. Merlin was sitting on his bed ignoring him, in favour of reading a book. Now that his hidden geek had been discovered he had done away with all pretences and snuck half the library into Arthur's room.

Hunith had told him how it was difficult for Merlin to learn to read as he had struggled with English. But he had worked hard on it with his old teaching assistant back in Ealdor. Once he had gotten the hang of it Merlin, always had a book with him, immersing himself in their pages.

Arthur was sitting at the other end of the bed watching him read, noting how his fingers twitched as he concentrated. It was similar to how his own lips used to move a little as he read, he supposed. Merlin looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"You don't have to be friends with me, at school I mean. If you are no one else will talk to you," Arthur whispered before looking down at his hands refusing to see Merlin's reply.

Merlin tugged at his face but Arthur kept his eyes downcast.

"My dad hated my voice," Merlin said, "I don’t know how loud I am, am I being loud?" He asked.

Arthur looked up, rubbing away the tears that had been prickling in his eyes. "Yeah a bit" he croaked, "what about your dad?"

"My dad, he hated my voice, he hated that I was deaf. Talking was like reading for me, once I could do it I used to talk all the time. I never realised I sounded different to others." he said, quieter now, his tone was flat and it sounded odd but Arthur didn’t care.

"What happened?" Arthur asked.

"I started to notice this look my dad got when I was talking, disappointment at the way I spoke too loud and then too quiet. Shouting when I shouldn’t have." Merlin paused, "…it wasn’t disappointment… it was disgust, so I just stopped talking all together. But it didn't matter he still hated me," Merlin said.

"What an idiot," Arthur muttered, "what an idiot," he repeated, so that Merlin would see.

"Yeah," Merlin said quietly, "you're my friend Arthur; I'm going to be friends with you at school and at home."

"Are you going to keep speaking now?" Arthur said.

"No. Er… Maybe just to you, because you listen as if I'm speaking like everyone else," Merlin said, smiling.

"You are silly," Arthur said, reaching out and tugging on Merlin's ear.

Merlin stiffened, but did not pull away. Arthur let him go anyway, noting how he relaxed again.

"Ok so I know why you don't talk, what's the ear thing?" Arthur asked, tapping his own ear.

Merlin shrugged and looked down at his knees for a bit. When he looked up his eyes were shining a little.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked, "did your dad..."

Merlin's hands went up to his ears protecting them.

"He didn't hurt me, not really," Merlin said, his voice high and squeaky. "But he would pull on them and say cruel things," he said.

An uncomfortable weight settled in Arthur's stomach.

"Merlin when I said..."

"You were teasing Arthur, it wasn’t to be mean," Merlin said, smiling.

"Did your mum know?" Arthur asked.

"Not at first but when she found out they fought and he left, but he came back and yelled at my mum. It was scary so we left and came here," Merlin said.

"You're better off without him though, I mean look where you live now," Arthur said.

"Yeah sharing a room with a bossy prat!" Merlin shouted.

"Oi!" Arthur shouting back, "you have your own room! And I am not a prat!"

Merlin jumped off the bed. "I best be going to my room th-"

"No don't leave," Arthur said, grabbing Merlin's wrist.

Merlin grinned at him and tapped his chin with his free hand.

"Back to signs?" Arthur asked.

Merlin nodded still smiling.

"That's cool, it doesn't matter how we communicate, we'll always understand each other," Arthur said.

Merlin's hands fluttered and signed something, which Arthur was sure insulted his intellect but he chose to ignore it, flopping back on the bed to watch Merlin read. He grinned to himself; this school year would be different: he would have a friend.


	3. A Knight in School Uniform

September 4th came around quicker than expected and Arthur soon found himself sitting opposite Merlin at the kitchen table, ready for the first day of term. Both boys were in their nice, clean school uniforms eating their Frosties and trying to have a silent conversation with their hands full. Hunith was bustling about the room making sure their bags were packed and their lunches ready.

"Are you sure you boys don't want some toast as well?" She asked them, whilst trying to smooth down Merlin's unruly hair.

Merlin was struggling and trying to pull away from her.

"No thanks," Arthur said, grinning at Merlin.

He knew full well that as soon as Hunith turned her back he would mess it up again.

"All ready for year five Arthur?" Uther asked, striding into the kitchen and clapping a hand on his back.

"Yes father," Arthur said, "are you going to at work all week?" he asked.

"Yes indeed, I'll be in London all week. We’re launching a new publication so I’ll be staying in the flat, no point coming back. Lot’s to do I'm afraid, late nights for a long while to come. The summer holidays are over for all of us," Uther said, "I was going to have Hilda come over to mind you, but Hunith assured me she doesn't mind. She's already got Merlin to keep an eye on after all," Uther explained, winking at Merlin who beamed back at him with a mouthful of cereal.

Arthur was glad to hear this, Hilda was nice, but she was also boring and never let him do anything fun. Hunith was strict sometimes but she loved to mother both of them, something which delighted Arthur.

"Why hasn’t Morgana gone to school yet?" he asked, it didn’t seem fair that she got to stay at home.

"Because her term doesn’t start until next week, she’ll be gone soon enough and then I’m sure you’ll miss her," Uther teased.

"Not likely," Arthur said.

"Well I'll see you on Friday Arthur, although I’ll try to get back sooner than that, behave yourself at school," Uther warned.

"I will father," Arthur said.

"I'm sure you'll keep him in check won't you Merlin?" Uther asked.

Merlin nodded at Uther, but his lips were twitching with amusement.

"Ha! Merlin's is far naughtier than me!" Arthur said, banging his spoon on the table.

"Nonsense Arthur, I won't hear of it," Uther said as he leant forward to kiss the top of Arthur's head.

He stepped round the table and ruffled Merlin's hair before saying goodbye to Hunith.

"Ugh! I bet you'll have the teachers eating right out of your hands," Arthur whined to Merlin.

Merlin just smiled back at him, his eyes twinkling.

"It's because he has such an angelic little face," Morgana said as she walked into the room in her pyjamas and dressing gown.

"Oh why are you still here Morgana?" Arthur groaned.

"You know I don't start school for another week Arthur, I just heard you talking to Uther," she said smirking at him. "Thanks Hunith," she said taking the toast Hunith offered her.

"But couldn’t you just go now?" Arthur asked, but he didn’t mean it.

He wasn’t going to be nice to her though, the idea was preposterous. Morgana did not dignify him with a response, rolling her eyes and swanning out of the room.

"Right come on boys you're going to be late," Hunith warned, clapping her hands together as she ushered them from the table. She walked them to the front door, fussing over Merlin as they walked.

"Are you sure I shouldn't drive you?" she asked them.

"No thank you Hunith, we'll be fine," Arthur assured her. "I always make my own way to school, I have done since year four." He remembered the many arguments he had had with his father about the matter, the previous year.

"Well if you’re sure," Hunith said, handing over their lunches as they got to door. "But I want you back straight after school alright? Three-thirty or I'll come looking for you," she insisted.

They nodded and made to set off when Hunith pulled Merlin back. She knelt down in front of and began to sign. Arthur stood to the side and watched her trying to make sure Merlin that it would be alright. She told him that if he wanted to come home, he just had to ask and she would come to collect him. Merlin nodded and pulled away, running up to Arthur.

"I'll be fine mum!" he shouted over his shoulder.

Arthur did not miss the look of surprise on Hunith's face as Merlin spoke. Merlin did as he took hold of Arthur’s hand and tried to pull him away. Arthur waved at Hunith before allowing Merlin to tug him off down the drive.

"Stop pulling me Merlin," Arthur whined, stopping to face Merlin and tell him off, when they got to the road. "I'm older than you and I know the way," he insisted, but he did not let go of Merlin's hand.

Merlin stayed quiet as they walked toward the school, Arthur knew it was not due to nerves. It was because Merlin struggled with conversations when they were side by side. Trying to focus on where he was walking and Arthur's lips at the same time was difficult for him. Arthur didn’t want to let go of Merlin’s hand so he was happy enough to walk in silence, swinging their joined arms as they got nearer the school.

As he expected when they arrived, the other children ignored him as usual, but Merlin did not seem to care. He also did not let go of Arthur’s hand when they got to the playground, standing next to him and observing all the children. Arthur had noticed that about Merlin, he was always watching, noticing the little things that Arthur and Morgana often missed.

Merlin pulled his hand free and turned to face Arthur. "They’re looking at you," he signed, "little side glances, but they’re not scared of you." He pointed at Valiant and his gang who were smirking at the pair.

"That one is laughing at you, without laughing," Merlin signed, "Are they mean to you?"

"Nah, they leave me alone," Arthur said, but his faced flushed with shame at the thought Merlin pitying him his lack of friends.

He needn’t have worried though.

"Well I’ll play with you, come on," Merlin signed, dragging Arthur over to the swing set.

Arthur realised then as Merlin pulled him along, that he would let him drag him anywhere.

  


Merlin was in Arthur's class, but he did not get to sit next to him. instead the teacher sat him at the front next to a girl called Gwen. Gwen chattered away very fast at Merlin for a full five minutes before she realised he could not hear her and then she stammered, blushed and apologised. Arthur saw all this from his seat at the back of the classroom scowling at the injustice of it all. He did not notice Alice approach him.

"Are you alright Arthur?" she asked him, in her quiet gentle voice.

"Yes I'm fine!" he said, "I'm sorry Alice," he said quietly, "I just wanted to sit next to Merlin."

"Ah but you'd just distract each other," Alice explained. "You can play together at lunchtime ok?" She squeezed his shoulder before going back to Merlin's desk to make sure he was following the class.

Arthur just looked down and glared at his sums instead.

  


At lunchtime Arthur found himself sitting alone. Merlin had run off as soon as class had finished without a word to Arthur, so he had made his way to the canteen by himself. He expected that this would happen, of course everyone else loved Merlin too. Why would he need Arthur when he had so many other children who wanted to be his friend. They had all crowded round Merlin at break time, clamouring for his attention while Arthur stood to the side, waiting for Merlin to forget him and wander off with them. He didn’t though remaining by Arthur’s side. None of the children seemed to have any issues with Merlin’s deafness; if anything, they found it interesting and demanded he teach them various signs, which Merlin enjoyed doing.

A shadow fell across the table and Arthur looked up to see Merlin watching him.

"Can I sit down?" he whispered.

Arthur nodded surprised.

"Where are your other friends?" Arthur asked, unable to help getting cross.

Merlin sat down opposite him and stared, confused.

"Why did you run off? Why didn't you wait for me?" Arthur asked.

Merlin’s eyes widened and then he nodded as he realised what Arthur had assumed. "Oh, well... I needed the toilet and I didn't want to ask the teacher. Alice had already gone," he whispered, looking around the room to make sure no one else could hear him.

"Oh." Arthur remembered how Alice had left about half an hour before lunch to speak with the head teacher. This was after Merlin promised he was doing just fine lip-reading from the teacher.

"Are you jealous Arthur?" Merlin asked, leaning forward and smiling at him.

"Shut up Merlin," Arthur mumbled, before unwrapping his sandwiches, "you’re being very quiet," he said as he tucked into his food.

"Don’t want people to hear me," Merlin whispered.

"Just me, for now?" Arthur asked.

"Just you, for now," Merlin said, opening his own lunch box.

"Hello Merlin," Gwen said, approaching the table shyly and making sure to stand in front of him. "These are my friends, Freya and Will," she said, introducing two other children who seemed a little familiar to Arthur.

"Hi Merlin," the boy said, leaning closer, "you don't have to sit with Pendragon just because you're new. You’re not a loser or a posh twit like him so there's space on our table." He gestured at an empty table at the other end of the canteen.

Arthur flushed but didn't say anything, just continued to stare at his lunch. Merlin fidgeted, his fingers twitching. Then he stood up and for a horrible moment Arthur thought he would go with them. Instead, he wandered round to Arthur's side of the table, leaning down to whisper in his ear. Arthur smiled to himself as Merlin whispered what he wanted Arthur to say.

"Merlin says he is not sitting here because he's new, he is sitting with me because I'm his best friend and if you don't like that..."

Merlin leant down and repeated what he had whispered in Arthur's ear again.

"If you don't like that you can bugger off," Arthur finished, grinning at Merlin.

Merlin stood there, his eyes challenging the trio.

"Oh sorry Merlin," Gwen mumbled. "We didn’t realise you were friends, Arthur’s a bit..."

Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing… it’s nothing, I’m sorry Arthur," Gwen said, looking uncomfortable.

Merlin nodded and leant down to whisper again.

"Merlin says you can join us for lunch, as long as you're not rude to me again. Unless I am being... Merlin I'm not saying that," Arthur said, shoving him away.

Merlin just laughed and pointed at the table until the other three children sat down.

"So how come you’re friends with king prat?" Will asked as Merlin sat back down, "and don’t pull faces Pendragon, we all know what you’re like, does Merlin know-"

Merlin cut him off his hands signing in quick succession.

"What’s he saying?" Gwen asked.

"He says shut up and that I am friendly you just haven’t tried to know me," Arthur said, smiling at Merlin.

"Sorry, everyone else says you’re trouble though. Even the older kids leave you alone," Will muttered, glaring at Arthur.

"That’s because I told them to, plus I’m the same age as most of them," Arthur confessed.

"Ha! Why?" Will demanded.

"It’s complicated," Arthur said, not wanting to explain his father to this boy.

He could see Merlin watching the entire conversation, a small smile on his face.

"You don’t seem as horrible as everyone says," Freya whispered.

"He is, he’s horrible to me all the time," Merlin signed, but Arthur refused to interpret that for them even after Merlin kicked him.

Arthur smiled at Freya who grinned back at him, before he turned to Merlin who was frowning at his sandwich.

"Oh give it here," he said, taking Merlin's ham and swapping it for his cheese, "why did you whisper, not sign? You know I'm getting really good," he asked.

"I wanted them to know I trusted you," Merlin signed, before tucking into Arthur’s sandwich.

Arthur just smiled again, he had never smiled so much on a school day.

  


After lunch the five children went into the playground, Will peeled off and made a beeline for the other boys playing football. The others went over to the trees at the edge of the playground, Arthur watched Will.

"Why don't you go join them?" Gwen asked him.

Arthur shook his head, but then Will came running back over to the foursome.

"Merlin do you want to play football?" he asked.

Merlin shook his head. "I’m too clumsy and wouldn't hear any commands," he signed to Arthur, who translated it to Will.

"Alright then, what about you Pendragon?" Will asked, looking him over.

"You still want me?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah I suppose," Will said as if it were obvious, rolling his eyes.

Arthur looked back at Merlin, but Merlin waved him off.

"He’s doing it to make friends with you," Arthur signed.

Merlin shrugged. "Take it anyway, he’ll realise how great you are," he said, giving Arthur a push once his hands had stopped moving.

Gwen stood up. "Well if Merlin's staying here I want to play football too," she said.

"What?" Will spluttered.

"I was only staying so Freya had someone to chat to, now she has Merlin so I want to play football," she said.

"You can't Gwen," Will mumbled.

"Why?" Gwen asked in a challenging tone.

"Fine come on both of you before lunch is over," Will said, scowling as if his football game had already been ruined.

Before he left Arthur turned to Freya who was watching a little Merlin, her hands clasped behind her back.

"He can lip read if you speak slowly, so you can talk as much as you want, he just won't reply," he assured her.

Freya nodded and did not ask why; seeming to understand that it was a personal matter to Merlin. Arthur waved to Merlin before running off to join Will and Gwen on the playground. Halfway through the match Arthur looked over to see Merlin teaching Freya the signs for the things around them, with a lot of pointing, Freya appeared to be chattering back.

The first week of school went well after that first day, the five children became friends, although more with Merlin than Arthur. They still remained a little wary of him. Will seemed to be the most mistrustful of him, but something about the way Arthur behaved around Merlin seemed to appease him somewhat. It was as if he expected him to be horrible, but seeing him being nice to Merlin had ruined those expectations. He didn’t seem to know how to deal with it.

Freya seemed to like him the most, often jumping to his defence when Will argued with him, telling Will to stop being so judgemental, which Arthur appreciated. He was not sure about Gwen, she seemed shy of him, always stumbling over her words around him, more so than she did around anyone. Merlin told him it was because most people found him intimidating, and that made Gwen a bit nervous. She also felt guilty for judging him before and was worried she would offend him.

Thanks to Merlin, Arthur was getting on well with Will and the two had joined the football team. Merlin did not try-out due to his clumsiness, but he would still come along to Arthur's practices and clap. Sometimes he even cheered when Arthur scored a goal.

Merlin was not comfortable speaking more than a few words to his new friends at first, but Arthur was often on hand to interpret. He was able to teach them some basic signs, another reason for them to let him hang around them. Merlin seemed to settle into his new school well though and Arthur was so grateful he had come along. He would have been happy having just Merlin as his friend, but the others were a nice bonus.

As the weeks went by something seemed to change; so slow it was not noticeable at first. Merlin started to look unhappy whenever someone mentioned school, even taking days off sick. It took a few weeks before Arthur noticed how withdrawn Merlin was becoming, because he managed to hide it with cheeky smiles that did not quite reach his eyes. Arthur pried and pushed but Merlin would not give, just said he was feeling a bit sad and that he would be fine.

Then a month into term Merlin went quiet, he stopped speaking and he stopped signing. It was when Merlin stopped coming into his room at night that Arthur realised something serious was wrong. Merlin insisted he was fine but Arthur refused to believe him, so he had made plans to spy on Merlin and find out what was wrong. Contrary to what his father believed, he did not spend his every waking minute with Merlin and he had a feeling something was going on at school.

Things came to a head before he could even start his espionage mission, which involved following Merlin around until he found something out. Gwen came rushing up to him in the playground, looking desperate. She pulled at his arm and dragged him off behind the maths building before he even asked what was wrong.

"Edwin's got Merlin," she cried.

"Who the hell is Edwin?" Arthur asked.

"The creepy ginger kid in year six," she despaired, "you have to help he won’t let go! He’s hurting him!"

"Where are they?" Arthur asked, already starting to run.

"They're over there," Gwen said, trying to keep up with him.

Arthur spotted where she was pointing, the large older boy had Merlin cornered against a tree and was shouting at him. He had his hands around Merlin’s neck.

"Hey!" Arthur yelled as he got closer.

"Get lost Pendragon, I'm just having some fun with the idiot," Edwin drawled, not releasing Merlin, "it's none of your concern."

"Let him go!" Arthur hissed, shoving Edwin away from Merlin.

Edwin spun round to face Arthur, fury clear on his face.

"I said stay out of it, let me have my fun. He doesn't care, he's too stupid, the deaf idiot," Edwin laughed, tapping Merlin’s head with his fist.

Arthur saw red, he did not even realised he'd punched Edwin until he saw the boy sprawled on the floor, blood streaming down his face. He did not care though, he stepped over the whimpering boy toward Merlin who was refusing to move. Even as Gwen tried to pull him away from the tree, he remained looking down at his feet. Arthur placed a hand under his chin and lifted his face.

"Oh Merlin I'm sorry, I should have noticed sooner," Arthur apologised.

Merlin just shook his head and stepped forward into Arthur's arms, crying. Arthur hugged him back.

"I'm sorry," he said again, even though Merlin could not see it, pressed against him as he was.

"You're going to get into trouble," Merlin said, so that only Arthur could hear.

"I don't care," Arthur said, shrugging, still holding Merlin close.

"Arthur Pendragon!" an angry woman shouted.

Arthur looked round to see Miss Blake the head teacher approaching, arms folded across her chest, anger clear on her face. Anger directed at him.

"What have you done now Arthur?" she said, pulling him away from Merlin.

Then she spotted Edwin slumped on the ground holding his bloody nose, "Goodness me Edwin are you alright?"

"He's fine," Gwen said, "what about Merlin?" she asked.

"Merlin? What's the matter with him?" Miss Blake asked, frowning at Merlin.

"Edwin attacked him! He was strangling him!" Arthur said, stepping closer to Miss Blake his fists balled at his sides.

The teacher looked him over, taking in the indignant rage that was radiating from the small boy.

"Calm down Arthur, before you get into more trouble," she warned in a low voice, "Guinevere please take Edwin to the nurse," she said.

"But he-"

"Please don't argue with me Guinevere, I am going to try to get to the bottom of this but he is bleeding, please take him inside," she repeated.

Gwen still looked angry, but she offered a hand to Edwin and pulled him up, before dragging him off to the school building. Arthur saw her give Edwin a good punch on the arm as they walked off.

"Now you two are going to come to my office, I'm going to call your parents. Where is your father at the moment Arthur?" She asked as she shepherded them toward the school.

"He's home," Arthur confessed.

"Excellent," she said, sounding pleased.

Merlin grabbed Arthur's wrist, Arthur looked at him, his eyes were wide and he was biting his lip.

"Don't worry Merlin, you won't get into trouble," Arthur said.

"Well I'll have to wait till I hear everyone's side of the story before I decide who gets into trouble I'm afraid." The headmistress ushered them into her office.

"What?" Arthur exclaimed as Merlin sat down in the chair, "Merlin didn't bloody do anything! Edwin attacked him!" Arthur shouted, "if you even consider punishing Merlin I'll tell my father and... and..." Arthur ran out of steam as he sat down beside Merlin.

The teacher was ignoring his rant anyway, as she searched for his father's telephone number in the computer directory.

  


The wait for his father and Hunith to arrive was uncomfortable, Merlin refused to speak, sitting and staring at his hands. Every time Arthur tried to comfort him the teacher would tell him to hush, to stop signing and sit still. Arthur was so frustrated he felt like crying. In the end he took Merlin's hand and squeezed it, rubbing small circles on his palm with his thumb as they waited. It earned him a weak smile out of Merlin, which was all that mattered.

"What have you done this time Arthur?" Uther said, as he entered the office with Hunith.

"I'm afraid he's gotten into another fight Mr Pendragon," Mrs Wilberforce told the worried parents, "this is the fifth such altercation on his record I’m afraid."

Before Arthur could argue, Merlin pulled him close to whisper in his ear.

"She doesn't like you Arthur, she wants to get you in trouble," he said, barely more than a breath. "Don't yell and shout, because that's what she wants, you have to stay calm," he insisted.

Uther turned to face him now.

"Is this true?" Uther asked.

"Yes father but I-"

"See Mr Pendragon we've tried-"

"Please let my son explain his actions," Uther said, cutting off Miss Blake with a hand and gesturing for Arthur to continue.

"Edwin was bullying Merlin. I had to stop him," Arthur said.

"Yes but you should've fetched a teacher-"

"He was choking him! He couldn't breathe!" Arthur shouted.

"What?" Hunith gasped rushing forward, from where she had been hovering by the teacher’s desk and pulling Merlin off his chair.

She knelt down in front of him and unbuttoned his collar, to check his neck, which was red and already beginning to bruise from Edwin's grip.

"Look at him!" she said to the teacher, "how could you allow this to happen?" she asked.

The teacher looked nervous now, quailing under Hunith's rage, even Uther took a step back. In fact, Merlin was the only person in the room who did not seem surprised by the change in the mild mannered woman. He pressed himself against her hip while she chastised the teacher. Both Uther and Arthur stood back and watched Hunith in surprise as she laid into the teacher.

"He has never reported any incidents with the Muirden boy," Miss Blake stammered wringing her hands as she tried to regain control of the situation.

"Never reported? Good grief what sort of establishment is this? You are the _teachers_ , you have to watch out for this kind of thing. You are supposed to be keeping my child safe," she said horrified, as she wrapped an arm around Merlin, ignoring his protests as he tried to struggle free. "Thank heavens Arthur was there, I better not hear he's had so much as a detention for this," she warned.

"It's school policy for any acts-"

"If this had happened on the street and the police had to step in, Arthur would not be charged for saving his friend." She glared at the woman until she backed down.

"I'll er... I'll see what I can do," the terrified headmistress mumbled.

"See that you do, I'd hate to have to contact the papers," Hunith said, stroking Merlin's hair and smiling at Arthur. "I'm going to take Merlin home now, I don't know if he'll be back," she said, pulling her son toward the door.

"Yes I'll take Arthur home for now, I don't want him walking home alone later, but he'll be back tomorrow," Uther told the teacher. "Come on Arthur, Merlin's hero deserves some ice cream," he said, offering his hand. He still looked somewhat confused about the whole situation.

Arthur took it and followed him out of the office leaving behind the spluttering teacher, grinning to himself. They walked toward the car in silence.

"Aren't you cross?" Arthur asked as he got into the car.

"This is different from the time you attacked the Valiant boy. For a start you hit Edwin just once," Uther said.

"Because I had to check Merlin was alright," Arthur mumbled, "I would have punched his face off otherwise," he assured them.

"Nevertheless defending your friends against bullies is quite honourable Arthur," Uther said, ruffling Arthur's hair before shutting the car door.

"You're not in trouble," Merlin said to Arthur.

"That’s because you made me calm down," Arthur confessed. "If you hadn't I would have just screamed and shouted and everyone would've thought it was my fault," he whispered. "You wouldn't have said anything," he added.

"I couldn't," Merlin mumbled, ashamed.

"S'ok, I wouldn't have cared, I would do it again no matter how many detentions they gave me," Arthur swore.

"Thank you."

"Why didn't you tell me Merlin?" Arthur asked.

Merlin shook his head.

"I should've noticed," Arthur muttered to himself.

Merlin was watching him, reading his lips.

"I'm good at hiding things," Merlin whispered, he looked forward to check the grown-ups weren’t listening, before shuffling as close to Arthur as his seatbelt would allow. "It took my mum months to realise what my dad was doing," he confessed, "I was ashamed."

Arthur reached out for Merlin's chin before he could look away.

"Promise me Merlin, if it happens again you must tell me, you must," Arthur insisted.

"Alright," Merlin nodded, "I swear."

  


When they got back to the house, the two boys tried to run off and play but Hunith stopped them.

"No you don't boys, I want to know what’s been going on at the school Merlin." She said in a low voice, her hands echoing words as she often did when she spoke to him.

Merlin tried to shrug it off. "It doesn't matter now," he signed.

Hunith ignored their protests and sat them down in the kitchen. Uther was hovering by the door seeming unsure if he needed to be present, she turned and nodded at him so he came to stand beside her.

"Now Merlin," Hunith said, kneeling in front of him and checking his neck again. "How long has this been going on?" she said.

Merlin refused to answer, looking down at the floor.

"Arthur?"

"I'm not sure, about a month, I should have tried harder to find out what was going on," Arthur mumbled.

"No dear, I don't blame you. If Merlin doesn't want you to know something, you'll never know unless he tells you, or you catch him out," Hunith said, speaking from experience.

Arthur thought about what Merlin had said about his father and nodded. Hunith smiled and turned back to Merlin, pulling his chin up and making him look at her.

"Were you embarrassed? That this boy was bullying you?" she asked. "Because he was older than you Merlin. We know you couldn’t fight him off," she said, trying to encourage Merlin to speak.

Merlin sighed, his hands moving as he explained what had happened.

"What horrible things Merlin?" Arthur asked as he watched Merlin.

Merlin signing was usually so fast and smooth, but right now it was jerky and awkward.

"He called me stupid, he said I sound like a moron when I speak," Merlin signed his hands trembling, "he called me a retard."

Arthur growled in fury, he stood up and approached his father, shoulders squared.

"I want him gone father," he said in a tone he never used anymore. Not since Merlin had crashed into his life.

"Arthur," his father began to protest.

"No father, you are rich and powerful, I don't care if you have buy the school and expel him I want him gone. It can be all my birthday presents and Christmas presents for the next ten years. No one makes Merlin feel that small and gets away with it." Arthur said, noting the way Merlin was staring at him with wide eyes, "what? I mean it," he insisted, shocked when Hunith began to laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, stamping his feet.

"Oh Arthur you are going to be so much trouble one day," she said, winking at Uther.

"What?" Arthur asked, looking between Hunith and his father, who was now laughing as well.

He looked at Merlin who shrugged, also confused. "Grown up things," he signed.

Arthur nodded in agreement. "This isn't funny," he said.

"I'm sorry Arthur, you're right," Uther said, still smiling. "I'll sort something out with the school. And I'll speak to the governors, he’ll be suspended anyway but it’s not a private school Arthur. I don’t have that much power," he said.

Arthur waited.

"I'll go do it now shall I?" Uther asked.

"Yes obviously," Arthur said, shaking his head as his father made his way out of the kitchen, chuckling to himself.

Arthur went and sat back down next to Merlin, who was grinning at him.

"So that’s the bossy Arthur, the one you’ve hidden from me?" he signed.

"Ah but this time I was being bossy for you," Arthur countered.

Merlin just stared.

"Ok fine. I don't want you to go to a different school so it’s for me too, but it's mostly for you. Please don't stop speaking because of that horrible boy, Merlin you speak just fine. Not the same as everyone else but I don't care," Arthur insisted.

Merlin rubbed tears from his eyes.

"Did you get that? Did you read my lips? I like the way you speak," Arthur repeated, well aware that Hunith was watching him.

"I thought now that you had Will-"

"Will is your friend Merlin, he doesn't like me we just play football together. None of them really like me Merlin, they like you," he said.

"They do like you Arthur," Merlin said.

Arthur just nodded.

  


That night Merlin crawled into Arthur's bunk, just as Arthur was drifting off to sleep. It was dark in the room so Arthur reached under his pillow for the torch he kept there for any late night chats. He switched it on, chuckling as Merlin squinted at the beam and tried to push it away.

"Are you ok?" Arthur signed, reaching out to push Merlin's fringe out of his eyes.

Merlin nodded, batting Arthur’s hands away.

"I'm sorry I never said anything," he said.

"I wish you had," Arthur said, fiddling with the torch, "it won't happen again, I swear," he said.

"My knight in shining armour," Merlin signed, settling himself in Arthur’s bed.

"Beating up bullies is all I’m good at," Arthur said, laying back down, facing Merlin.

"Beating up bullies is an honourable duty," Merlin argued.

"One day you won't be so tiny, then you won't need me to fight them," Arthur confessed.

"Do you worry about that?" Merlin signed, watching Arthur.

Arthur nodded. Merlin shook his head, smiling at Arthur.

"We'll always be friends Arthur, I mean c'mon we're Merlin and Arthur." Merlin reassured him

"Promise?"

"I promise," Merlin said.

"Even when I go away to school in a few years?" Arthur asked.

"Even if you come back all posh and obsessed with snobby things like… gold and fancy clothes," Merlin said.

"I'll stay friends with you even if become even more common at high school," Arthur teased.

"Oi!" Merlin said, hitting Arthur round the head.

"Well let's face it you'll be going to school with Will," Arthur teased.

"And Gwen and Freya," Merlin reminded him.

"Then there's hope for you yet," Arthur said, curling a protective arm around Merlin and switching off the torch.

Their primary school days seemed to pass before their eyes after that, Edwin did get suspended, for a whole week, but he never came back after that. Arthur convinced himself that his dad had hired a hit-man to get rid of him, no matter how unlikely Merlin said that was. No one else dared tease Merlin about his hearing after that, nor did they ever dare snigger when Freya stuttered in class. No one said anything when Will’s mum was too busy trying to earn enough money to wash his clothes and he had to come in looking dishevelled. One look from Arthur was enough to shut them up. Will thanked him for it after football practice, and just like that Arthur realised they were friends after all.

In the end the time came for the children to go to their separate secondary schools. Arthur was going to boarding school, two counties away. After passing his eleven plus Merlin was going to the local grammar school, as were Freya and Gwen. Will was going to the local comprehensive, but he would be down the road from Merlin’s school.

As the final summer holiday got into full swing, Arthur became reluctant to leave Merlin. He decided to give his father an alternative, which was how he ended up dragging Merlin into Uther’s study halfway through the holidays. Uther still took a few weeks off every summer to get away from the city, even with Hunith there. These days her housekeeping duties had become something akin to mothering Arthur and Morgana, as well as Merlin. Arthur who had never known a mother loved this, as did Morgana although she was loath to admit it due to her teenage stubbornness.

"How can I help you son?" Uther asked gesturing for them to sit down at the desk.

They obliged and Merlin stared off around the room, unsure as to why he was there.

"How much is school costing father?" Arthur asked, straight to the point.

"Just over thirty thousand pounds a year, it’s a very good school," Uther said. "Why?"

"Wouldn’t it be easier if I just went to a regular school?" Arthur suggested, ignoring the way Merlin shuffled in his seat.

"Ah I don't think so Arthur, King’s is a good school and you will do well there," Uther said.

Merlin was watching now, focussing on the conversation, a small frown on his face.

"Yes I suppose you’re right, but it’s not that much is it? Thirty thousand a year isn’t that much to you right?" Arthur inquired.

"Arthur I’m sure I know where -"

"It’s just I’m sure Merlin would pay you back when he got a fantastic job-"

Merlin tugged on his sleeve.

"Arthur," he warned.

"Arthur it’s not about the money, I could afford to pay for Merlin’s schooling but I don’t think it would be appropriate for him," Uther said calmly.

"Why? Because he’s common or because he’s deaf! That’s not fair!" Arthur said.

Uther shook his head. "None of those things Arthur," he said, gesturing to Merlin who was chewing his lip.

"Because I don’t want to go," Merlin confessed. "I want to go to Sir Henry’s, I passed the exam and they want me," he whispered, eyeing Arthur warily.

"But I-"

"I’m not going to forget about you Arthur," Merlin said.

"You’re my only friend Merlin," Arthur said, biting his lip.

"That’s not true Arthur, and you know it. You’ll make new friends at boarding school but I’ll always be here in the holidays. Even when I start to annoy you, I’ll never leave you alone," Merlin said.

"Okay fine," Arthur said.

"Now go play boys, you’ve only got a few weeks left of summer," Uther said, shaking his head at them in amusement.

Merlin grinned at him and then bounded out of the room, Arthur got up slower and approached the door.

"Give it a chance," Uther said as Arthur left.

As he wandered down the stairs looking for Merlin, Morgana accosted him and dragged him into the drawing room.

"Morgana!" He huffed, pulling free of her grasp.

"Just a minute," she said, sitting down on the desk, "I heard all that," she informed him.

"Mm," Arthur said, "so what? I’m going to see Merlin now-"

"You’ve just seen Merlin, give me a minute of your time Arthur," she insisted.

"What do you want?" Arthur asked, irritated.

"You’ve changed," she informed him, folding her arms across her chest.

"Have I now?"

"Yes you’re better, you’re far less horrible now," Morgana teased.

"Thanks I guess," Arthur said, shaking his head in confusion.

"See? You’re not even getting mad at me for being rude to you, even though it was quite true," she said.

Arthur sighed, he just wanted to go and hang out with Merlin while he still could, he didn’t want to hear whatever lecture Morgana was going to give him.

"That’s Merlin’s doing isn’t it? As soon as he came into your life you stopped being a spoilt brat, because he wouldn’t take your crap. You couldn’t risk scaring him away like the others. He was your last chance wasn’t he? But he was also perfect for you. You were loud and he was quiet the perfect match. Now you’ve evened out, and it’s nice, I’m glad," she said.

"Thank you Morgana," Arthur said, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"Merlin won’t leave you, he won’t forget you Arthur I know you’re worried. He adores you Arthur, you’re his knight in shining armour remember. Remember he spoke to you before everyone else. You’re his best friend and you have nothing to worry about," she said.

Arthur just nodded, but he did believe her and he already felt much better about the whole thing. Merlin burst into the room, grinning at him.

"C’mon Arthur," he whined, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from Morgana.

Arthur looked back at Morgana and smiled at her, she was right of course. She waved him off, smirking to herself. She was alright for a foster sister.

 


	4. Boarding School Revelations

Arthur did make friends at his new school; friends that some would say were the proper sort for someone of Arthur’s background. There was Leon, who was his ‘house-buddy’ from two years above. Then there was Lance and Percy who shared his dorm, and the three of them became fast friends. They joined the rugby team and the hockey team together, and spent almost all their term time together. The two boys even came to visit in the holidays and Arthur finally got a taste of what it was like to be popular.

However, Merlin was still and always would be the person Arthur considered his oldest and dearest friend. He also never forgot about his first set of friends either, he even missed Will a little, when he was away at school. They all texted and emailed each other a lot, and during the holidays they always hung out together as much as possible.

Then the group dynamic changed again when he was fifteen and Gwen kissed him at Merlin’s birthday party. She took him by complete surprise, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before blushing and running away. Merlin the whole thing and found it hilarious. Arthur just felt confused, he had never really thought about Gwen, or any girl, in that way.

The two friends hid away in the corner of the poolroom, while Merlin’s school friends partied on unaware. Merlin was watching Arthur’s confused expression. He understood what was confusing Arthur, and it was cracking him up.

"I don’t get what’s so funny," Arthur said.

"Don’t mumble," Merlin said, his eyes were still crinkled with mirth.

"What’s so funny?" Arthur demanded.

"It’s just that you’re fifteen and you don’t even know about girls. It’s funny is all," Merlin said.

Arthur winced at Merlin’s lack of volume control. "Sh!" He hissed, dragging Merlin further away from the other kids. "I go to an all-boys school Merlin, how am I going to learn? You don’t know anything about girls either," he reminded him.

Merlin laughed again, letting his head fall back against the wall. "I know plenty about girls Arthur," Merlin signed, grinning knowingly, "not that I need to," he added.

Arthur didn’t notice Merlin’s slight blush, he was too busy making sure no one was eavesdropping. "Why because you still think girls are gross?" he asked distractedly. He though about how to handle Gwen. "Should I maybe ask her to dinner?" he suggested.

"S’pose," Merlin said, frowning and wringing his hands. "You don’t have to though."

Arthur lent back against the wall and closed his eyes to think. Merlin was giving mixed messages, confusing him. "But she likes me," he argued finally, opening his eyes again.

"Do you like her?" Merlin asked, looking worried.

"Yeah, yeah I think I do," Arthur said.

It was true he did like Gwen, she was his friend and it would be nice to have a girlfriend. Maybe if they started going out, she would not get so flustered around him.

"Ok then," Merlin signed.

"Is that ok? You don’t _like_ Gwen do you?" Arthur asked, wondering if that was why Merlin was so worried.

"No I don’t like Gwen, ask her out," Merlin signed, walking away.

Arthur frowned, he didn’t understand why Merlin was upset. He tried asking about it after the party, but Merlin just shrugged him off, so Arthur let it drop hoping he would come around in his own time.

The next day Arthur asked Gwen out, she blushed furiously but said nodded eagerly. Things with Gwen were very nice, and Arthur certainly felt closer to her, but it always felt as if something was missing. They went out on dates, held hands, kissed, all the things that couples did, but Arthur always felt that he needed something more. He finally discovered what that was three months after he and Gwen ended things on mutual terms.

They lasted eight months in the end, but that might as well have been nothing when Arthur introduced Gwen to Lance. The two hit it off immediately and Arthur knew he would be best breaking it off with Gwen. He could see that the pair, had something, had that spark that he would never have with Gwen. In the end, they were better as friends. Arthur did not want anything else from her, and he did not know why. If anything their brief relationship strengthened their friendship, now that Gwen was no longer so shy around him, they got on much better.

 

Then Gwaine Orkney joined his school and caused Arthur to have a life-altering realisation at the tender age of sixteen. Gwaine had transferred from some school in Ireland. Nobody knew why, although there were plenty of rumours ranging from him burning down his old school to cheating on his exams.

At King’s Arthur was well liked and popular, but Gwaine wasn’t having any of that. On his first day, he called Arthur an entitled prick, a spoilt princess and blondie all in the same sentence. All because Arthur tried to inform him of how things worked at his new school.

Things continued in that fashion for the whole term, Gwaine antagonising him, getting him into trouble and driving him to distraction. It went on until the last day of term, when they were all about to leave for the Christmas holidays, Gwaine shoved him into a cupboard and kissed him. Arthur had been too stunned to do anything but let Gwaine push him up against the wall and kiss him till he was dizzy. But when they broke apart, he leant forward for more. Instead, Gwaine had just winked and backed out of the cupboard, calling out ‘Merry Christmas princess.”

Arthur rushed out into the hall after him. “Gwaine wait!” He yelled.

Gwaine turned around, an eyebrow raised expectantly. Arthur of course choked, instead of demanding for Gwaine to come back, he struggled for something… anything to say.

“Did you really break your old headteacher’s nose?” He asked stupidly.

Gwaine laughed in amusement. “Nah, is that what everyone’s saying? Quite a reputation I’ve got, I wasn’t even expelled. I’ll tell you about it someday,” he said with a wink, before vanishing into the snowy grounds.

That kiss had been nothing like kissing Gwen; it was exciting and it left Arthur’s lips burning. It sparked something in Arthur, which left him feeling confused. His whole journey home after the kiss passed by in a daze and he knew he had to talk to someone about it, or he would go mad. Morgana was not an option, and he could not face telling his father yet. He did consider asking Hunith what she thought; she had been very supportive of Merlin when he’d come out months ago. But he knew that Merlin was the only person he could talk to about this.

Thus he spent his first day of the holidays wandering around the house, waiting for Merlin to come home from school because his term had not finished yet.

"Merlin we need to talk," he signed, as soon as Merlin strolled into his room to welcome him back.

"Oh god, are you breaking up with me?" Merlin signed back, grinning and hugging Arthur.

Arthur returned the hug and then let him go. "No, and stop mucking about this is serious I need your help," he said.

"Ok," Merlin signed, raising an eyebrow.

"Sit down," Arthur said, sitting down in his desk chair and turning it to face the bed.

Merlin rolled his eyes but obeyed, perching on Arthur’s bed, his lips pursed in a frown.

"You’re gay right?" Arthur blurted out, so much for being cool about the whole thing.

Merlin opened his mouth in surprise, his frown deepening. "Er… yeah, but you already knew that Arthur," Merlin said, speaking aloud for the first time since he had walked into the room.

Arthur smiled and rolled his chair closer, he’d missed Merlin’s voice. They Skyped while he was away, but Merlin never spoke because he did not trust the microphone.

"I know, but um… how do you know you are?" Arthur asked, "you’re a kid, you’re too young…" he trailed off, unsure of what he was even asking.

Merlin frowned at him again, but he looked curious rather than cross.

"I’m fourteen Arthur, nearly fifteen," Merlin reminded him.

"Of course you are, I forget sometimes, you’re still so little," Arthur said, standing up and walking over to the bed.

Merlin punched him on the arm. "Mum says I’m going to be taller than you," he signed, grinning.

Arthur tackled Merlin, pushing him back onto the bed and ruffling his hair until he squeaked. "Yeah right, that’ll never happen," he said, "so when did you know? You told me a few months ago, but when did you realise? Because I don’t think you told me straight away," he accused.

Merlin paused to catch his breath. He settled himself beside Arthur and trailed a hand up his arm. He looked concerned. "That I was gay? Er… when I was thirteen, Freya kissed me. It was nice and all, but when she asked if I wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I said no. She cried and Gwen told me off.

"So I told her that I felt weird kissing Freya, and she looked at me for a moment and then she asked if I’d rather kiss boys. I hadn’t even thought about it before, she forgets, you see, that I’m younger than them. But after she asked I realised, yes I would much rather kiss a boy," Merlin explained, chewing his lip.

"You didn’t tell me straight away," Arthur said.

"No I… I didn’t want you to think of me differently," Merlin explained, "I was a bit scared and confused and I thought maybe you wouldn’t like me anymore, that you’d be angry with me."

"I wouldn’t," Arthur said.

"I know but it’s difficult, you know how I get inside my own head sometimes. Plus people lose their friends over stuff like this. I didn’t tell anyone for a while because I thought there was something wrong with me," he confessed.

"Merlin-"

"No I’m fine, I know it’s alright now Arthur, don’t worry," Merlin said.

"Were you scared? You never really talk about it. When you told me you just said ‘Arthur I’m gay and refused to let me say anything about it. You can be so closed off sometimes," Arthur said, grabbing Merlin’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

"I didn’t think you would understand, I thought it would make you uncomfortable," Merlin said, closing his eyes, "I don’t ever talk about it, because I worry that you’ll freak out."

"Merlin," Arthur said tapping Merlin’s eyelid, "Merlin," he repeated.

Merlin opened his eyes. "I know you won’t but if you did… Arthur it would kill me," he said.

"Well I won’t, it doesn’t bother me I swear. You’re no different from before, I know that."

"Thanks Arthur," Merlin said, pressing a kiss to his shoulder before pulling back and blushing, "sorry," he said.

"It’s alright, Merls," Arthur said, leaning forward to return the favour, touching his lips to Merlin’s nose briefly, grinning. "So can we talk about it?"

Merlin squirmed and touched his nose confused. "Ok," he said, he looked uncomfortable.

Merlin’s shyness made Arthur laugh, and eased the worry in his chest.

"Have you kissed boys then?" Arthur asked.

"Oh! Er… yeah I kissed Will because he was curious and I wanted to practice kissing," Merlin said, laughing his usual quiet laugh.

Arthur rolled his eyes at the thought of Merlin and Will practicing. "Anyone else?"

"I kissed Elyan at the disco," Merlin signed, his face was scarlet now.

"Gwen’s brother? Bloody hell Merlin, he’s older than me!" Arthur exclaimed, "he’s not your boyfriend is he?" he asked worriedly.

"God no, it was just a kiss. He’s nice though, and he’s just a year older than you." His hands shook as he laughed.

"Good," Arthur said.

"Good?" Merlin repeated.

"Yeah I don’t think you should date anyone I don’t approve of," Arthur decided.

Merlin chuckled. "Whatever," he signed.

"It was just kissing wasn’t it?" Arthur asked concerned, he sat up and ran a hand through his hair.

The idea of someone touching Merlin unsettled him, to Arthur Merlin was small and still needed his protection.

"Yes Arthur just kissing," Merlin assured him, tugging Arthur back down. "Why are we talking about this now?" he signed, when he let go of Arthur’s shoulder.

"Oh… well here’s the thing, I think I might also be…" Arthur signed before trailing off and dropping his hands.

"Oh my god," Merlin said.

"There’s this guy at school-"

"Oh god! It’s the Irish guy isn’t it? He’s pulled your pigtails one too many times and now you love him," Merlin signed, shaking with laughter, Arthur found it difficult to keep up.

He grabbed Merlin’s hands, stilling them. "I do not love him, but he kissed me yesterday. It was different, kissing girls is just…"

"Nice?"

"Yeah nice, kissing Gwaine was like… something else it was fiery," Arthur tried to explain.

Merlin giggled. "So you’re gay now?" he said, seeming rather smug about the whole thing.

"I think I always was," Arthur guessed.

"Yeah, I did always say you were slow." Merlin quipped, rolling away before Arthur could punch him.

"Don’t tell my dad," Arthur said.

"I won’t, but he won’t mind," Merlin argued.

"Not yet." Arthur insisted.

"Are you going to date Gwaine?" Merlin asked.

"I think so, if he wants to," Arthur said, but he did not think Gwaine was the dating type.

Merlin nodded, a small frown on his face.

"How about you then Merlin? Is there someone you like?" Arthur asked, curious.

For all their closeness, talk of love and relationships always seemed to make Merlin uncomfortable. Arthur realised now that it was because he thought that he wouldn’t want to talk about it.

"Yeah," Merlin confessed, his hands shaking for a different reason now.

"Who?" Arthur asked.

"No one you know," Merlin signed.

"Well that’s a lie, you sign when you lie and think I won’t realise" Arthur argued.

"I’m still not going to tell," Merlin said, his mouth twisted in a moue of discomfort.

"Alright then I’ll just have to read your diary," Arthur said, letting the matter drop.

He would find out, he would ask Gwen and if that did not work he’d set Morgana on the case.

"I don’t have a diary," Merlin said, glaring at him.

Arthur just laughed and pulled Merlin closer, stroking his hair. "Thanks for this, I was freaking out a bit," he said.

"You would," Merlin said, smiling fondly at him, "I’ve missed you."

"Missed you too, always do," Arthur said, "it’s good to be back," he said.

Arthur was right about Gwaine though, he did not want a relationship, he just wanted casual sex. Which terrified Arthur, he may have been sixteen but he had never done anything more than kiss Gwen. He had run off to hide in an empty classroom with his laptop, and called Merlin on Skype, as soon as Gwaine had made his intentions clear.

"I’m doing homework Arthur," Merlin signed, "what do you want?" he asked, shifting through various books and piles of paper.

"Gwaine says he doesn’t want to date me, just have ‘naughty schoolboy sex’" Arthur explained, flushing at Gwaine’s choice of words.

"Wow," Merlin signed, grinning at his discomfort, "what are you going to do?"

"I don’t know, I think I want to but I’m nervous. Do you think it would be good?" Arthur asked.

"How should I know?" Merlin signed.

"You’re gay," Arthur pointed out.

"I’ve never had sex," Merlin signed, he was blushing now.

"Of course not! You’re not allowed to have sex until I deem you old enough. I just thought you might have read some stuff," Arthur wondered.

"Just talk to Gwaine, Arthur, explain it. If he doesn’t like it, he’s a dick." Merlin signed, before searching through the pile of papers again.

"Ok fine, I will. Go back to your homework," Arthur said, sighing at Merlin’s clear disinterest in his love life.

"Talk to you later Arthur," Merlin signed, disconnecting.

Arthur managed to hide from Gwaine all week, even though Merlin sent him several texts telling him to stop being a coward. In the end, the Irishman cornered him in the library.

"So you’ve been avoiding me, freaking out about the casual sex thing. Look, we’re young, we should be having fun. Why should we tie ourselves down?" Gwaine asked, boxing him in by placing his arms either side of Arthur’s head, hands leaning on the shelves.

Arthur leaned back against the shelves, his heart pounding. "It’s not that, I er… I didn’t realise I was gay until you kissed me," he confessed.

"Oh…oh so you’ve never been with a man?" Gwaine asked, realisation dawning on his face.

He leaned in even closer if that was possible and Arthur squirmed under his heated gaze.

"You’re not a man, you’re a boy like me," Arthur said, trying to deflect the question.

"More of a man than you," Gwaine argued, "but anyway it’s a bit different from what you’ve done with girls-"

"Never done that either," Arthur said.

"Are you fucking with me Pendragon? You? Jesus but look at you," Gwaine murmured, "oh the things I’m going to teach you," he said, "only if you want it," he added.

"Yeah, yeah I want it," Arthur breathed.

"Excellent," Gwaine said, grinning.

 

Gwaine turned out to be a pretty good guy, no matter how much he pretended to be a bad boy. He never pushed Arthur to do anything he didn’t want. He was happy enough to take it slow and teach Arthur everything he thought he needed to know about sex. Lessons that Arthur accepted, he was learning things he would never have imagined.

It was all very wild and exciting. It was not love, but he did like Gwaine, and over time Gwaine became his friend as well as his fuck buddy. Now they even hung out and talked outside of their steamy sessions in the old drama room. Part of Arthur still hoped that maybe he might be the one Gwaine settled on, although he knew how unlikely that was.

Still when Easter came around Arthur decided enough was enough, that it was time to stop lying.

"I’m going to tell father I’m gay," Arthur told Merlin, on his first night back.

"Good for you, he won’t mind," Merlin assured him.

"But he…"

"He really won’t, he seemed pleased for me when mum told him about me, likes to think he’s modern and hip," Merlin murmured.

They lay curled up in Arthur’s bed, ready for sleep; it was a habit they had mostly broken thanks to Arthur’s boarding school. But on the first few days of the holidays, Merlin would sneak in and they would watch movies and play video games, just like old times.

"But he’ll be disappointed, I’m his son. He’ll want grandkids and stuff," Arthur argued.

"Yeah but he might be pleased when they’re not related to you." Merlin teased.

Arthur punched him on the arm for that, but he felt reassured.

 

The next day Arthur knocked on the door of his father’s study.

"Come in," Uther called out.

Arthur turned to Merlin who gave him a thumbs up. When Arthur did not move he opened the door and shoved him into the study before running away.

"Hello Arthur, how are you?" Uther asked, closing his laptop and looking up at him.

"I’m ok, I just wanted to have a chat," Arthur explained.

"Of course, sit down son." Uther said.

"Ok," Arthur said sitting down opposite his father, "the thing is I have something I need to tell you," he said biting his lip.

"I see," Uther said in a very business-like manner. "Are you in some sort of trouble?" he asked, leaning forward and eyeing Arthur.

"No… um why would you think that?" Arthur asked.

"Because you seem rather nervous Arthur," Uther said, sounding concerned.

"I am," Arthur confessed, "It’s…"

Uther waited.

"I’m gay father, and… I’m seeing someone," Arthur said in one rushed breath.

"Who?" Uther asked at once.

"Gwaine you’ve met him once," Arthur admitted.

"The Irish fellow? That ruffian?" Uther asked, looking angry.

"Yeah," Arthur confirmed.

"And he’s your boyfriend is that what you’re saying?" Uther asked calmly, but he did not seem pleased.

Arthur squirmed in his seat, he hadn’t expected his father to be this upset, he’d never shown any problem with Merlin’s preferences.

"Yes," Arthur whispered, even though Gwaine was anything but.

He did not want to upset his father anymore by confessing they were little more than just fuck buddies.

Uther frowned and rubbed his forehead. Arthur shifted, he wondered if his father was going to disown him now, he had heard of other kids being kicked out by their homophobic parents. He wondered briefly if Merlin would come with him.

"Surely…" Uther began.

Arthur looked up at him, he was frowning but he did not look angry just confused.

"Surely there's someone more appropriate," Uther said.

"What?"

"How about your friend Leon? He’s very nice," Uther reasoned.

"Wait you have a problem with Gwaine, not with me being gay?" Arthur asked shocked.

"Of course I don’t have a problem with you being gay, don’t be ridiculous Arthur. I’m loathe to admit this because I’m under the impression that it will make you want him more, but I do not like Gwaine. I saw the way he acted when he was here, that boy is trouble. I would rather you broke things off with him." Uther explained.

"Oh," Arthur said.

"Wait did you think that I was mad with you for being gay?" Uther asked.

Arthur nodded, his eyes prickling.

Uther sighed. "Oh you silly boy, of course I wouldn’t hate you for that. I already had my suspicions," he said.

He pulled his chair round to the other side of the desk so that he could sit closer to Arthur.

"What, when?" Arthur asked, how did his father know before he did?

"About a year ago, something Morgana said, it was an offhand comment but it made sense. After that I noticed things," Uther admitted, "the way you behaved with young Gwen, it was as if you didn’t know what to do with her."

"Bloody Morgana," Arthur muttered.

"Bloody Morgana," Uther said, smiling at him.

"Gwaine’s not my boyfriend," Arthur confessed, "it’s just a casual thing."

"Oh I can’t tell you how relieved I am about that. I’m sure he’s wonderful deep deep down but he’s a bit… he’s just not appropriate for you," Uther said. "But I know you Arthur, you’re very serious about things like this, Gwaine won’t be enough for you, you need a real relationship. I won’t begrudge you a casual fling though, you’re young and you need to learn these things." He said.

"Thank you father," Arthur said.

"Although I’d rather you learnt them from someone else."

"Like Leon?" Arthur joked.

"What’s wrong with Leon?" Uther asked, "he is a very nice young man."

"No Leon’s nice enough, but he’s not my type," Arthur said grinning.

"Not exciting enough for you?"

"Yeah something like that, he’s also straight father," Arthur explained, laughing.

"Is he really? Morgana told me he was gay," Uther said sitting forward and looking suspicious.

"What? Oh my god," Uther said, getting up and pacing the study.

Arthur laughed as he watched his father wear a grove into the wooden floor, muttering under his breath. He managed to pick up the words kill several times.

"She’s old enough to know what she’s doing," Arthur said.

"But Morgana likes girls," Uther said, leaning against the fireplace in defeat.

"Morgana likes anyone as long as she’s the boss. And you knew that?" Arthur asked surprised.

"She confides in me a lot more than you do apparently. She used to be quite smitten with your girlfriend Gwen," Uther told him.

"But she hardly ever spoke to Gwen," Arthur said confused.

Uther wandered back over to his chair.

"She was shy of her I believe, rather unlike Morgana, and confused. She was very upset when you started dating, but she’s ok now thankfully," Uther told him.

"Oh," was all Arthur could say to that revelation.

"It seems all my children are gay doesn’t it?" Uther said, smiling at Arthur.

"Er… I’m your only child, Morgana and Merlin aren’t yours," Arthur reminded him.

"You know what I mean," Uther said chuckling, "I seem to have a houseful, don’t I?"

"I suppose. You’re taking this better than I thought you would," Arthur said.

"So are you and this Gwaine sexually active?" Uther asked, smiling at Arthur.

"Please don’t," Arthur begged.

"You’re being safe though?" Uther pressed.

"Yes father," Arthur insisted, flushing with embarrassment.

Uther got up and walked over to his desk draw, pulling out some papers. "I have some literature you might like to read," he said, handing them to him.

"No thank you father," Arthur argued, pushing the papers away.

"Not optional Arthur," Uther insisted.

Arthur took the papers and folded them, putting them away in his pocket. Uther smiled looking pleased.

"I’m glad you’re not disowning me," Arthur mumbled.

"I can’t believe that even crossed your mind. You are and always will be the most precious thing to me, I would never disown you," Uther said.

"So I can still work at Pendragon?" Arthur asked.

"Certainly, at any publication you wish," Uther assured him.

"I’d like to work at _Elegan,_ " Arthur confessed, _Elegan_ was Pendragon Publishing’s fashion magazine.

"Really?" Uther asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not because I’m gay," Arthur clarified.

"Because it was your mother’s?" Uther asked.

"Yeah," Arthur said.

"I think you would do a wonderful job, but A-levels first Arthur and university, it’s a lot of work yet."

"I know father," Arthur said.

They continued to chat about the business, and the new gadgetry publication that would be launched next month and Uther listened to all Arthur’s suggestions attentively. He jotted down all Arthur’s ideas and promised to consider them, but in the end he had to get back to work. Arthur got up to leave him in peace, still smiling at the relief his father’s understanding had given him.

"How about Merlin?" Uther asked, as Arthur walked to the door.

"Merlin?" Arthur repeated.

"Yes, if you don’t want to date Leon, you could always date Merlin," Uther suggested.

"Merlin’s just a kid," Arthur said confused.

He didn’t understand the way his father was smiling at him, shaking his head.

 


	5. Seeing things clearly

Things with Gwaine lasted another couple of months before Gwaine caved and became his actual friend. After that, they decided to cool things down and cut back on the sex, before it ruined their slow blossoming friendship. After the mutual break-up Arthur went through what Morgana had coined his serial dating phase.

The latest boyfriend was Cedric, but that had ended that very evening when Cedric had all but confessed that he was interested in Arthur’s money, not Arthur. At that Arthur paid for dinner, it was just Nando’s nothing fancy, and walked out. He jumped in a taxi and headed home, exhausted by it all.

When the taxi pulled up to the house, Arthur paid the driver and got out, rushing to the front door. It was pouring with rain, the night had been a disaster, so the weather was appropriate. As he entered the hallway, he heard laughter coming from the upstairs sitting room, he sighed and made his way upstairs.

When he got there he pushed open the door and smiled, watching Merlin chattering away with Morgana. Morgana let out another high-pitched squeal, and Merlin grinned at her. He noticed Arthur standing in the doorway and his smile dropped a little.

"You're all wet," Merlin observed, "I didn't expect you back so early."

"Yes well neither did I to be honest," Arthur said, shrugging out of his dripping shirt and accepting the blanket Morgana held out to him.

He wrapped it around himself and sat down on the sofa next to Merlin, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

"How was the date? How’s Cedric?" Morgana asked.

"We broke up," Arthur said.

"Another one? What is that four guys in as many months, not settling down anytime soon I take it?" she asked.

"Morgana I'm eighteen, almost nineteen, I can date as many people as I please," Arthur said.

"It just seems a little-"

"Leave it Morgana," Merlin said, watching Arthur with concern clear in his eyes.

"I'm fine Merlin," Arthur said, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath.

"Did you even like him?" Morgana asked.

"Morgana," Merlin warned again.

"Not really," Arthur confessed, "he broke up with me because I wouldn't give him any more money" he said, sitting down beside Merlin.

"Gold Digger," Morgana said.

Merlin tapped Arthur; he was missing a lot of the conversation because Arthur was looking up at the ceiling, he looked frustrated. Morgana noticed and smirked at him before sighing.

"Well as much as I would love to hear more on your sexual escapades, I have a Skype date with Morgause. I'll have to love you and leave you boys," she said winking at the pair of them.

Morgause was Morgana's supposed girlfriend although neither Merlin nor Arthur had met her because she lived in Scotland and refused to come down to visit. Morgana had met her at university, and Uther seemed rather displeased about their relationship although he would not elaborate as to why. Arthur was suspicious that there was something going on but he never pushed and his father remained silent on the matter.

Morgana flounced out of the room, waving as she went and Arthur turned to Merlin who was still watching him with an odd expression on his face.

"Why do you date them Arthur?" he asked, his fingers fumbling, something they did when Merlin was upset.

"Because they like me," Arthur confessed.

"It's still that issue, after all this time?" Merlin asked surprised, "Arthur you have so many friends, people like you Arthur," he said, his hands twitching crossly. "Cedric definitely didn't like you for the right reasons, and neither did Kay, nor Gareth.”

"Well Gwen supposedly liked me for me and look how that turned out," Arthur said, sounding far more bitter than he expected.

Merlin just stared.

"I know, I know. But it stings that she left me for Lance, I thought she really liked me Merlin," Arthur whined.

"That shook your confidence didn't it?" Merlin asked, with his hands.

"What my girlfriend ditching me for my best friend?" Arthur snapped, he knew he was being unreasonable, but the whole evening had tired him.

"Arthur you let her go, you were gay even if you didn’t realise it, but she would have stayed with you-"

"And ending up hating me," Arthur suggested.

Merlin held up his hands in frustration. "Ok, ok, look you were a lonely child right? And you have issues with trusting people, so you go out with these shallow guys because you want to feel loved," he explained.

"So what? It's not hurting anybody," Arthur said.

"Yes Arthur it's hurting you," Merlin said, pressing his palm to Arthur's heart. "It weighs on you I see it," he said, keeping his hand on Arthur’s chest for a moment longer before snatching it back and blushing.

"Yeah alright," Arthur said, "no more dating for a while then."

"Not until you're doing it for the right reasons," Merlin confirmed.

"What if no one ever loves me?" Arthur worried aloud.

A frown flickered across Merlin’s face and he shook his head. "They will," he said. “You’ve got to be the oldest eighteen year old ever.”

Arthur smiled at Merlin’s confidence. “I’m older than my years it’s true. What about you though Merlin? You never go out with anyone," he asked, to change the subject and take the heat off himself.

Plus these days he had no idea what was going on in Merlin's head.

Merlin shrugged. "I dunno," he signed.

Arthur wondered if Merlin realised he could tell when he was lying even when he signed.

"Hm, what about Gwaine then?" Arthur suggested, as a joke.

"Gwaine?" Merlin spluttered, staring wide eyed at Arthur in surprise.

"Yeah Gwaine. He fancies you, told me himself, finds you mysterious," Arthur told him conspiratorially, "and he’s quite good-looking."

"He does have nice hair," Merlin said.

"Exactly."

"Gwaine's ok, but I don't really think he's my type," Merlin said.

"Oh yeah and what is your type?"

"Not your cast offs for a start," Merlin said.

"Ha ha," Arthur said, giving Merlin a playful shove.

"And someone who can understand me would be nice," Merlin said.

"That's a good point, I have a feeling anything with Gwaine would be a purely sexual thing, no talking just fucking."

"Arthur!" Merlin hissed, hitting him with a cushion.

"God you're so pure and innocent Merlin it's adorable," Arthur said. "Hm, what about Will then?" he suggested.

"Will?" Merlin signed, giggling like the idea was absurd.

"Yeah remember you told me you kissed him once?" Arthur told him, "I always thought there was something going on between you," he admitted.

"Will is straight," Merlin tried to sign, whilst bent almost double with laughter.

Arthur didn't see why this was so funny. He waited for Merlin to sit upright again.

"Oh so you’re pining over him, well then I think we should both move on-"

"I am not pining over Will," Merlin said, thumping Arthur and wiping his eyes.

"You’re not?" Arthur asked, wondering who Merlin _was_ pining over.

"No I’m not, that’s gross," Merlin said, a look of genuine disgust on his face at the thought of him and Will.

Arthur chuckled, Will wasn’t _that_ bad. "Ok so who are you pining over?"

"No one," Merlin said, scratching his neck.

"You’re right, you are worse at lying out loud, who is it?" Arthur pressed.

Merlin shook his head.

"I’ll find out, one day." Arthur said, "maybe I could help you woo him," he offered.

"You can’t, he’d never see me like that, he’s really er…"

"Handsome?"

Merlin nodded blushing.

"God Merlin I never thought you would be shallow," Arthur teased.

"I’m not! I don’t like him because he’s good-looking. I like him because he’s a wonderful person, him being fit is just a benefit," Merlin said.

Arthur just grinned and tried to figure out who the mysterious, handsome, wonderful person was. Someone who Merlin thought he could not have.

"Oh god it’s Lance isn’t it?" Arthur guessed. "He’s far too old for you, Merlin," he said with genuine concern.

"No it’s not Lance! Christ!" Merlin said, looking mortified, "and he’s your age, and you offered up Gwaine a minute ago." he added.

"That was to make you blush. You’re not going to tell me then?" Arthur asked, "but why wouldn’t they like you? You’re not bad to look at yourself you know," he said, trying to wipe the frown from Merlin’s face.

Merlin just stared at him.

"C'mon Merlin, don't look all innocent like that, you must know how good you look. Well when you take off that bloody hat anyway," Arthur said, reaching forward and pulling off Merlin's beanie hat, leaving his hair sticking up in all directions.

"But my ears-"

"Your ears are by far my favourite feature," Arthur said, reaching forward to touch one and pulling his hand back at the last minute. He was mindful of how Merlin still hated his ears being touched. He shook his head, as Merlin’s hands went up to cover his ears. "Let’s watch a film," he suggested, tired of making Merlin feel uncomfortable.

He thought no more of it until the next day when he was in the sitting room. He was minding his own business browsing the net, when Morgana swanned in looking pleased with herself.

"Hello Arthur darling," she cooed, sitting down next Arthur.

"Hello Morgana," he said, looking at the screen and pretending to read.

"What are you reading?" she asked knowingly.

"Er..."

"That's what I thought," she teased, "so I was talking to Morgause last night-"

"Here we go" Arthur groaned.

Morgana slapped his arm and closed his laptop. "Be nice," she teased, "anyway, she thinks you are well on your way to becoming a sex addict," she informed him.

Arthur spluttered, almost dropping his laptop. He placed it on the floor before replying.

"I’ve only ever had sex with Gwaine," he said embarrassed.

"What? But everyone else…"

"Just dates, companionship, that sort of thing," Arthur said, "I just like it when people like me," he admitted, surprised to find that he did not mind Morgana knowing this.

For all that he pretended not to like her, he and Morgana were pretty close in reality. Morgana stared at him for a moment.

"Well that changes everything," she said.

"Does it?" he asked confused.

"You just want to be loved Arthur dearest," she said, not a hint of mocking in her voice.

"Oh I know, Merlin’s already informed me thanks," Arthur said.

"So who’s next?" she asked.

"I dunno I might try being single for a while," Arthur told her, expecting her to be proud of him.

"Or you could seize the opportunity right in front of you," she suggested.

"I’m not going to date you Morgana, I’m gay and you’re terrifying for a start," Arthur said, shocked at her suggestion. "You’re far too evil for my tastes," he added.

"No not me you idiot, as if I’d date you," she said, trying to shove him away.

"Well I am pretty fine-"

"Nothing in the world Arthur, you’re practically my brother. And you’re gross," she said.

"Who’s in front of me then?" Arthur asked, wondering who she was talking about.

Morgana waggled her eyebrows, "a certain dark haired young man, large ears, likes you," she suggested.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked confused.

"Exactly."

"What are you talking about? Merlin’s just a kid," Arthur said confused, he couldn’t date Merlin, he was his best friend.

Morgana laughed, but frowned when Arthur didn’t join her. "Merlin is sixteen Arthur. Have you seen him lately?" she asked.

"I’ve no idea what you’re talking about," Arthur said.

"Ah," she said nodding to herself. "You can’t see it because it’s been a gradual change to you," she explained.

She stood up. "Come on," she said taking his hand and dragging him from the room.

She pulled him all the way to the poolroom and when they entered, she looked at her watch. "Perfect timing," she said.

"What the hell Morgana?" Arthur asked.

She gestured to the pool where Merlin was doing laps.

"Yes it’s Merlin, he’s swimming so what?" Arthur asked, Morgana was infuriating when she was like this.

"Just a minute, he’ll be done in a second," she said, not giving anything away.

"Ok, but I already know that Merlin can swim," Arthur informed her dryly.

"When did you last go to one of Merlin’s swimming competitions?" Morgana asked, throwing him somewhat.

"Er… it was a while ago," Arthur said, feeling guilty.

"A while?"

"God it must have been over a year, year and a half. I’m a shit friend," he said.

"No Arthur, it’s alright, that’s not what this is. You’ve had a lot on at school, and you’re so far away. Ah here we go," she said, gesturing to the pool where Merlin was getting out,

"I still don’t get it," he said, watching Merlin.

He waited, anticipating Merlin’s skinny shivering form getting out of the pool, what he saw was not what he was expecting. Merlin was no longer a skinny little kid, he had a lean, muscled swimmer’s body, that he hid under all his jumpers and hoodies.

"See he’s pretty easy on the eye right," Morgana said, grinning at Arthur’s open mouth.

"What?" Arthur choked as Merlin pulled off his goggles and swimming cap, before starting his stretches.

"Trust you not to be interested until you see him almost naked," Morgana teased, pulling him into the walk in linen closet. "Honestly, I can’t believe you never noticed how good-looking Merlin was," she said, chuckling.

"I did," Arthur murmured.

"Wait what?"

"I never thought Merlin was ugly, I always thought he was… lovely," Arthur breathed.

"Lovely? He’s not a cake," she said, rolling her eyes "But why are you so surprised then?" she asked.

"He grew up, he grew up Morgana and I didn’t notice," Arthur whispered.

"You sound like you’re going to cry," she said.

"He’s almost a man, he won’t need me to protect him anymore," Arthur mumbled, he felt like crying.

"Oh my god Arthur, you’re so silly," she teased thumping him.

"What was the point of this exercise?" Arthur asked, he pulled a towel of the shelf and began to twist it through his hands.

"Well you love Merlin right?"

"Well yeah-"

"And he’s alright to look at isn’t he?"

"He’s bloody beautiful Morgana, don’t sell him short," Arthur huffed.

Morgana just raised an eyebrow.

"Oh come on you saw him," Arthur moaned, "even you must see it."

"Oh yes I see it, he’s a very attractive boy. He has the potential to be quite the heartbreaker," she said. "But don’t you ever consider Merlin?"

"He’s my best friend," Arthur argued.

"Never?"

"Sometimes, when he’s curled up against me, or we wake up together I think this would be nice," Arthur admitted.

"Ah so you’ve slept together?" Morgana asked gleefully.

" _Slept_ together," Arthur said, sighing, he felt exhausted.

"You still do that then?" she asked.

Arthur could tell she was trying not to laugh, but she wasn’t being cruel.

"Yeah sometimes," he said.

"Well maybe you should make a move," she suggested.

Arthur thought about it, it was something he’d considered a few times. Whenever he thought about the future, he could not imagine it without Merlin. Sometimes during those daydreams, he thought to himself that Merlin was the only person he needed in his life. He knew Merlin would never want him like that, so he always dismissed the thoughts before they became something more.

"I can’t, it’s Merlin," Arthur argued.

"So?" Morgana asked confused.

"So I can’t have Merlin, he _knows_ me," Arthur tried to explain.

"Right I’m going to need a little more than that," she said, getting frustrated with him.

Arthur paused as he thought about why Merlin was the perfect best friend but would never want more.

"He knows me Morgana, the others don’t. They like me because I’m popular and good-looking, but Merlin knows who I really am, rude, bossy, stubborn and impatient how could he ever love me," Arthur said.

"Oh Arthur," Morgana said, "you just don’t see yourself clearly."

"Gwaine knew me too and all I was good for in his mind was sex," he said. "And it’s for the best, he could do far better than me. I mean look at him, he's bloody brilliant Morgana. He's a genius, he's beautiful and he's the kindest person I know. I can't have him. I'm not good enough," he said, surprising himself at how much that realisation hurt him.

It was painful to realise what you wanted in the same moment that you know you could never have it.

"Wow it really fucked you up didn't it?" Morgana asked.

"What?" Arthur said, he wanted to get out of there.

"That coddled lonely childhood you had till he came along. It would make most people over confident but it seems to have had the opposite effect on you. Were you ever that loud annoying little kid who wouldn't share his toys?" she asked.

"Not really, not before school, but I didn’t have anyone to share with then. By the time you came along, I’d had my fair share of school trouble. I thought you’d be nicer but you were horrible to me, so I was horrible back. I know now that you were suffering because of your dad, but back then, by the time you tried to make nice it was too late." He explained.

"All the other kids disappointed you why would I be different?"

"Exactly."

"What happened at school? You never talk about what it was like before Merlin."

"After the fight with Thomas, the other kids were a little scared that I could get away with punching him so easy. I used that to get them to give me the toys," Arthur said.

"So that's how it started then? The whole you can't talk to me like that or I'll tell my father."

"Yep, I was six I didn’t know what I was saying, I just didn't want to get pushed around. But then I started using it to my advantage," Arthur said.

"How long did it take you to realise everyone hated you?" she asked, wrapping a comforting arm around his waist.

"A couple of months but it was too late, no one wanted to know me by then," Arthur said, it always hurt to think of his life before Merlin.

"Until Merlin came along," she said.

"Until Merlin came along," Arthur said, "he saw through all the bullshit, even on that first day when he was a little bit scared of me. He wouldn't let me boss him about. I tried to make him talk and it upset him, he almost walked away but he didn't. He's the truest friend I'll ever have, and that’s enough," he said.

"But is that enough for him?" Morgana said.

"What does that mean?" Arthur asked.

Morgana shook her head she was about to speak when the cupboard door opened. Arthur stared as Merlin stood there fresh from the shower, but still in his swimwear. Water was dripping down his bare chest, glistening in the blue light of the poolroom.

"Oh fuck," Arthur mumbled.

"What’s wrong?" Merlin asked, "why are you in here?"

"Morgana’s pregnant!" Arthur blurted out.

Morgana punched him. Merlin raised an eyebrow, looking unsure whether to believe him.

"That’s a lie," he decided.

"We were watching you swim," Arthur offered.

"In the towel cupboard?" Merlin asked, confused.

"Yes."

Merlin stared at him in disbelief before shaking his head. "Right fine be weird, whatever. I’m going to go get dressed."

"Ok," Arthur said, grateful for once, that Merlin could not hear how strangled his voice sounded.

Merlin had noticed something was up though; he narrowed his eyes and watched Arthur for a moment before he left.

"Fuck," Arthur said again.

"I’m sorry Arthur I thought you knew," Morgana said, "I thought you were using everyone else to cover for it," she said.

"I think maybe I was, I just didn’t realise," Arthur moaned.

"Because you already loved him?" Morgana suggested.

"Yeah," Arthur breathed, "shit," he said.

They left the cupboard and Arthur made it as far as the chairs before he had to sit down, feeling dizzy.

"How the hell did you miss this?" Morgana asked sitting down beside him.

"Fuck if I know, it’s… oh my god it’s always been Merlin!" he cried, "how long have you known?" he asked.

"Since you were twelve, and you were leaving for boarding school and you cried because you were scared. We were in the living room saying goodbye, and I could see you trying to be tough, trying not to let us see you cry. Then Merlin came in half asleep in his pyjamas, and you just burst into tears. He didn’t cry or say a word, he just stood in front of you and calmed you down. You were having a whole conversation in your heads, I could see it from the determined look on his face. Do you know how special that is?

"I realised then that no one else would ever compare for you. I thought you would figure it out sooner though. But I forgot how stupidly noble you could be, you didn’t see it because for some reason you still feel like you need to keep Merlin safe. Even from yourself," she said, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Jesus, did you tell my dad any of that?" Arthur asked.

"Maybe," Morgana admitted.

"I can’t have him Morgana, he doesn’t like me like that," Arthur said, "does he?"

"I don’t know, sometimes I really believe he does, but he’s so hard to read," she admitted.

"He’s never used to be," Arthur said.

"I think he loves you too Arthur," Morgan said.

"He doesn’t, why would he? I mean yes, he does love me I know that, but as a friend or a brother, nothing more."

Merlin came back into the poolroom, looking confused that they were still there. He sat down at Arthur’s knees, and ran a hand through his damp hair.

"What’s the matter?" he asked, eyeing Arthur carefully, "you look odd."

"Fine… I’m fine," Arthur choked, it was as if he was seeing Merlin for the first time.

He was exactly the same as he always was but, something had changed, something Arthur could not place but he could see it nonetheless. He lay back in the pool chair and closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing.

"What’s the matter with him?" Merlin asked Morgana.

"Oh he’s just realised something, he’ll be fine in a bit," she insisted.

 


	6. Home Truths

After the realisation at the pool, Arthur concluded the best plan would be to pretend it didn’t happen and to carry on as normal. Morgana disagreed and told him he was being stupid, but she also understood why he wasn’t willing to risk it. She got that Merlin’s friendship was still the most important thing to him.

However, it was much harder to pretend than Arthur first expected. Now whenever he saw Merlin, he got nervous and uncomfortable. It wasn’t because of Merlin, but because he was worried he would be obvious. He worried Merlin would see something and be freaked out. Talking to Merlin was harder now; Arthur had to check everything he said in case he gave himself away. Merlin noticed something was up, but after being brushed off a couple of times he let it go.

Arthur was most comfortable around Merlin, when they were not speaking. At night Merlin still crept into his room and lay down beside him. He never spoke a word, there was no need. They had always done this, even when Merlin turned fourteen and Uther had suggested that Merlin might need more privacy. He had taken away the bunk beds and suggested that Merlin sleep in his own room. He did sometimes, but more often than not he ended up in Arthur’s room. No one ever said anything, both Hunith and Uther knew they were just sleeping. Now that Arthur had what he felt were inappropriate feelings for his best friend, sleeping together was more of a risk. But Arthur couldn’t bring himself to give it up, it would hurt too much, for both him and Merlin, so he allowed it to continue.

After a week of pretending everything was fine, Arthur thought he was managing rather well, all things considered. On top of dealing with his Merlin issues, Arthur had to handle other problems. He would be starting his A-levels as soon as he got back to school, and applying for university. He was applying to Oxford, which was where his father went. Uther had always wanted Arthur to follow in his footsteps. However, Oxbridge applications had to be in three months before regular university applications so Arthur was going to have his work cut out for him once school started.

Currently he was sitting at his desk perusing the Oxford University main website, whilst Merlin lay sprawled across his bed. He was pretending to do something productive, but Arthur figured he was playing games, or messaging Will.

"Holy shit," Merlin mumbled suddenly.

"What?" Arthur asked, not turning around, too focussed on the confusing college arrangement adopted by the Oxbridge Universities.

He turned around when he realised Merlin could not hear him, something he never forgot but picking a university was a stressful decision, so he let it go. It did not matter, Merlin was staring at his own computer screen, he wouldn’t have seen Arthur’s question even if he had turned around to face him.

Arthur pushed himself up from his chair and wandered over to the bed, he waved a hand in front of Merlin’s face to get his attention.

"Merlin?" He murmured, when Merlin looked up at him.

Merlin handed over the laptop without a word and walked out of the room.

Arthur looked at the screen, which displayed Merlin’s email account. Arthur scanned the open email and gasped in surprise when he realised what it said. It was an email from Balinor Emrys, Merlin’s father, apologising for his long absence, asking if Merlin wanted to meet him and make amends.

"Holy shit," Arthur muttered, mirroring Merlin’s earlier words.

He found Merlin twenty minutes later, in the garden, by the swing set his father had bought for them, years ago.

"You going to go see him?" Arthur signed when Merlin looked up at him.

"Maybe," Merlin said, his hands were trembling.

Arthur nodded and sat beside him, taking hold of his hands and trying to ease Merlin’s shaking.

"Are you still scared of him?" Arthur asked, scanning Merlin’s face for any sign of fear.

He could see that Merlin was nervous and shocked by the sudden turn of events, but not afraid.

"Yeah a bit, but I’m bigger now, stronger," Merlin said, biting his lip.

"I’m sure he wouldn’t hurt you in public Merlin," Arthur said, trying to reassure him.

He leant back against the tree, pulling Merlin with him, trying to get him to relax.

"He didn’t hurt me before," Merlin said frowning.

Arthur cocked his head.

"He didn’t physically," Merlin said in a rush, as he often did when he was lying.

"Maybe, but he did mentally," Arthur reminded him.

"Arthur," Merlin warned.

"Merlin you still won’t let people touch your ears, and it’s been years. I agree that giving him a chance might be ok, but you need to tell your mum," Arthur suggested.

"Yeah," Merlin said.

Arthur let Merlin shift closer and lean against him. He wrapped an arm around his waist, holding Merlin until the trembling subsided and he was able to go back inside to speak to Hunith.

 

Hunith was of course furious that Balinor had dared to contact Merlin, she spent five minutes pacing the kitchen, while Merlin sat at the table watching her. Arthur felt uncomfortable, as if he was intruding on something, but Merlin’s hand was still circling his wrist, so he stayed put.

"When?" Hunith asked.

Arthur nudged Merlin. "When?" He repeated with his hands, nodding to Hunith who was staring out of the window, wringing a tea towel.

"This morning," Merlin informed her.

"Have you replied?" she asked, putting the tea towel on the counter and sitting at the table.

"No," Merlin admitted.

"How the hell did he find your email address?" she asked, rubbing her face worriedly.

"Facebook?" Arthur suggested.

"Bloody internet, makes stalking easy," Hunith said.

Merlin’s lips twitched at that, and he squeezed Arthur’s wrist.

"Right, well I think it’s best if you just ignore the email Merlin, he’ll get the message -"

"What?" Merlin asked confused.

"Well you weren’t planning on meeting up with him, were you?"

"Yes I was-"

"No way, I won’t hear of it," she said, slamming a hand on the table.

"Mum he’s changed, I want to give him a chance he-"

"No Merlin," she warned.

Merlin released Arthur’s arm and stood up, knocking his chair over in his haste. It clattered to the floor.

"You can’t stop me," he signed, stepping closer to Hunith, eyes flashing in anger.

"I’m your mother Merlin."

"I’m going to email him back now," Merlin said calmly, turning and walking out of the room.

"Merlin!" Hunith called out.

"That was important to him, you shouldn’t take away his choice-"

"Don’t you lecture me on parenting Arthur, I want to keep my son safe," Hunith said.

"Yes I get that, but Merlin’s almost old enough to take care of himself. I don’t think his dad is going to start abusing him, not at a restaurant," Arthur reasoned.

"You’re right, but I don’t like it. You didn’t see what he was like before he met you Arthur," Hunith worried.

"He’ll be ok, give it a chance," Arthur said, trying to assure her, "I would never let something happen to him," he said.

Merlin was true to his word, he made plans to meet up with his father that very week. He refused to speak to Hunith, remaining sullen about the whole thing until Arthur gave him a good smack around the head. He told him to stop behaving like a teenage brat and apologise to his mother. This got him a furious glare, but Merlin apologised to Hunith so it was worth it.

Balinor was taking Merlin out to dinner, at a fancy restaurant in town. Merlin always gave Arthur the impression he hadn’t been well off as a kid. Arthur wondered how it was that Balinor could afford this, and what he’d been up to these past years.

"Are you nervous?" Arthur asked.

They were sitting in Arthur’s car, Arthur had given Merlin a lift to his dinner and they’d arrived ten minutes early. Merlin sat turned in his seat with his back against the door. His feet were on the seat, and his chin on his knees, arms wrapped around his legs.

"Yeah a little," he confessed.

"We could just go," Arthur suggested.

"No, no I want to do this. I’ll be fine," Merlin said.

"Do you want me to wait?"

"No I’ll be alright, keep your phone on just in case, I’ll text you if I need you," Merlin said.

"Ok, good luck Merlin," Arthur said, giving Merlin’s knee a squeeze before he got out of the car.

Arthur still waited in the car, for twenty minutes, until he was sure Merlin wasn’t going to be running out anytime soon.

 

Merlin came back late, after everyone else had gone to bed, but Arthur stayed up waiting. Merlin crept into his room, just as he always did, and helped himself to one of Arthur’s discarded hoodies for pyjamas. It was quite domestic, Arthur watched as Merlin laid down beside him.

"Well, how was dinner?" he asked.

"Way too posh, we’re going to stick to Nando’s next time," Merlin informed him.

"Ah don’t pretend. You’re used to the finer things these days." Arthur mocked.

"I love Nando’s," Merlin argued, fingerspelling Nando’s as he spoke.

"So you’re going to meet him again?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah next week," Merlin informed him.

"And he didn’t threaten or hurt you?" Arthur pressed.

"No Arthur, he was fine. I think he feels guilty." Merlin explained.

"So he should," Arthur said.

Merlin gave him a noncommittal shrug and closed his eyes, snuggling into the covers. Arthur sighed and turned off the light.

On top of worrying about Merlin’s meetings with his father, Morgana’s behaviour concerned him. Her screaming matches with Uther had become a daily occurrence, and she kept threatening to move out. Arthur was managing to placate her but only just. Something would have to give soon, or they’d end up killing each other.

Three weeks later, Merlin was meeting up with his father for the fourth time. Arthur didn’t like it and was trying his best to get Merlin to cancel his plans. He tried hiding Merlin’s shoes and phone, but it wasn’t effective, because Merlin just glared at him until he gave them back.

"You don't have to go and see him again," Arthur suggested.

"Yes I do Arthur. He's my father I have to try," Merlin said as he looked through his wardrobe for something appropriate to wear for dinner.

Arthur was leaning against the other half of the wardrobe, against the closed door, so that he could talk to Merlin while he searched.

"He left you remember?" Arthur said tugging at Merlin’s arm to get his attention before he spoke.

This was something Arthur had never experienced; Merlin was usually looking at him already because he always knew when Arthur was going to speak. Personally he blamed Balinor, this whole business was far more trouble than it was worth. Arthur wondered if Merlin had forgotten the abuse he had suffered.

He was sure Merlin wasn't happy with whatever it was he and his father discussed on their dinners, because he was always quiet when he came back. The problem was he would not tell Arthur what was bothering him, and though it hurt him, he did not push it. He figured Merlin would come to him when he was ready.

"He's trying Arthur," Merlin said, "Please try too," he added with a sign.

"Alright Merlin, I'll try," Arthur said, "have you told him about me?" he asked, trying to ease the tension.

"Yeah of course," Merlin said, pulling out a blue shirt and putting it on.

"That I'm your best friend in the whole wide world?" Arthur asked, surprised that Merlin had mentioned him to his father.

He reached to do up Merlin's buttons, but Merlin batted his hands away.

"No I told him I’m pretty much your servant the way you force me to do your homework," Merlin said dryly. "And I'm not five Arthur, I wear shirts to school I know how to wear them. Even these fancy ones you insisted on buying me," he added.

"You’re better at it than me smarty-pants and you couldn’t wear Primark to meet your father, Merlin. Does he know you’re gay?" Arthur asked.

Merlin rolled his eyes and turned away from the wardrobe, searching for something.

"Yes I told him the first time I met up with him," Merlin informed him pulling his red scarf out from under the bed. "I said 'Look dad before we start this, I'm gay and I'm telling you this in case you want to bail like you did last time.' Then I sat down," he explained.

"Wow," Arthur whistled.

"Yeah. It shocked him, but he said he wasn't going to bail and then he asked if I had a boyfriend," Merlin joked.

"Ah and you confessed to your celibate ways!" Arthur yelled, throwing Merlin's pillow at him.

Merlin shook his head in despair. "He's trying Arthur, he is and he wants to meet you soon, seeing as all I talk about is you," he said, tying his scarf.

"Alright, I'd like that," Arthur said, he wanted to get a measure of the man.

"Good," Merlin said, smiling at him, "so how do I look?"

Arthur looked him up and down, pretending to scrutinize him. "Hm," he said, tapping his chin, "you're starting to develop a look," he said.

"What?" Merlin said dismayed, looking at himself, "what's wrong with me?" he asked.

"Well, you’re starting to look..."

"Arthur!"

"Good, almost sexy, are you sure you can handle it?" Arthur teased.

"You fucker!" Merlin exclaimed and turned away from him, marching toward the door.

Arthur rushed over to stop him. "No goodbye kiss?" He said in a mock seductive tone.

Merlin's lips twitched, Arthur wondered for a second if he the idea tempted him.

"Piss off Arthur," he said.

Arthur thought there would’ve been heat in his voice, if Merlin could manage that. There was an odd expression on his face as he backed away.

Arthur frowned and grabbed his wrist. "Merlin?" he whispered.

"I’ll see you later Arthur," he mumbled, pulling free.

Arthur watched him go, before flinging himself onto Merlin's bed and burrowing into the covers. The past few days Merlin had not slept here, choosing to curl up on Arthur’s bed too exhausted to move after late night talks and movie sessions. Arthur was trying his hardest to keep everything normal, but it was getting harder and harder. Merlin sleeping beside him was once just endearing, now it was a delightful form of torture. Merlin’s bedding still smelled of him, and Arthur breathed it in, surrounding himself with it.

He drifted off to sleep for a while and but woke up when he heard shouting from downstairs coming through Merlin's still open door. It was Morgana and his father, no doubt arguing over Morgause. Arthur sighed and pulled himself away from Merlin's warm sheets to make his way downstairs.

As he left the room, Hunith came out of her room too.

"Arthur what are you doing up here?" she asked in a hushed whisper.

"Er... I fell asleep," he said looking at his watch, which read a quarter to eleven.

"I just came out to see what was going on," Hunith told him, she was in her pyjamas, it was clear she had been asleep.

"Don't worry, I'll sort it out Hunith, it's this whole Morgause thing," he said shaking his head, "you go back to bed don't worry" he repeated.

"You're a good boy Arthur," Hunith said, before yawning and going back into her room.

Arthur descended the stairs to the main hallway where the shouting match was taking place. Morgana was standing by the large front door with her small red suitcase at her feet. Her eyes were blazing as she glared at his father, Uther was leaning against the bannister, one hand across his face.

"What's going on?" Arthur asked as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Ah Arthur thank heavens, Morgana was planning on going up to Scotland to visit Morgause, please tell her how foolish she is being," Uther implored.

Arthur nodded. "Morgana it's the middle of the night, could you please try to be sensible," he tried to reason calmly.

"Piss off Arthur! I am going to stay with Morgause because I refuse to stay in this house any longer, with a man who is trying to dictate my every move!" she snapped.

"Morgana I am trying to do what's best for you," Uther pleaded.

"By stopping me from being with the woman I love!" Morgana shouted.

"Morgana it's for the best. I know Morgause's family better than you do. It's best if you stay away from them," Uther insisted.

"But you won't tell me why," Morgana argued.

Arthur saw why she was angry, but he did not want her to leave, under these circumstances.

"Maybe if you could explain what’s wrong with them," he suggested.

"I can’t, you need to trust me on this," Uther pressed.

"Why should I?" Morgana demanded.

"I don't think he's lying-"

"Shut up Arthur!" she hissed.

Arthur obliged, it was clear to him that there was no calming her in this state. He looked at his father, he looked like he was going to be sick, or pass out. Something was going to give, Arthur realised. Either his father was going to confess his reasons for his disapproval of Morgause, or Morgana was going to leave.

"Morgana please try to calm down. Step away from the door and think about this," Uther begged.

"No! You are giving me no explanations and forbidding me from doing what I want. In case you had forgotten I am twenty years old. I no longer have to do what you say," she said, grabbing her suitcase and stepping back toward the door.

"Morgana come away from the door," Uther ordered.

"No! Why should I? You're not my father, he's dead and I've been forced to live here with you for years!" she shouted. "You can't tell me what to do anymore! You're not my father!" she screamed.

"Yes I am," Uther said with quiet resignation.

For a moment it was as if everything froze, the house was silent, so quiet Arthur was sure he could hear the clock ticking on the second floor. He daren’t breathe, not wanting to break the palpable tension radiating between Uther and Morgana.

"What?" he whispered in unison with Morgana, who choked out the question.

"You were never supposed to find out," Uther said, leaning his full weight against the staircase now.

"You can't be," Morgana said.

"I'm so sorry," Uther said.

"How?" Morgana asked.

"When your fath- when Gorlois was away on tour, Vivienne was lonely. See we worked together-"

"I don't want to... Jesus... how could you... lie to me," Morgana said, wiping her eyes.

"When Gorlois came back, she didn't want me anymore. He forgave her, raised you. I couldn't take that away, I didn't want to ruin your memory of him," Uther said, reaching out to her.

She glared at his outstretched hand. "I'm going and you can’t stop me," Morgana spat, "you will never be my father," she snarled, pulling open the heavy door and walking out into the night.

Neither Arthur nor Uther made any move to stop her, Arthur turned to his father who looked back at him helplessly.

"Did you cheat on my mother?" he asked.

"No never, I swear it," he said.

"I need time father... I don't... just let me think," Arthur said, backing away, his mind was racing.

Uther nodded sadly and slumped down until he was sitting on the floor, Arthur stared at him in shock for a moment before creeping back upstairs.

He made a beeline for Merlin’s room, planning to lock himself away until he was calm enough to process what had just happened. However, Hunith was waiting for him at the top of the stairs, watching him and looking disappointed.

"Did you hear that?" he asked.

She nodded and leant over the bannister to check on his father, she sighed and turned back to Arthur.

"You can't leave him now Arthur, he needs you," she insisted.

"I just need to think-"

"There isn't time for that Arthur, I’m sorry but you need to go back to him. Now please," she said, steering him toward the stairs.

"But he-"

Hunith shook her head, stopping him in his tracks. "Arthur from what I heard he made a mistake, a long time ago. To make up for that he kept it a secret, so Morgana could grow up with the memories of the father she wanted," she said calmly.

Arthur nodded, she was right of course.

"He needs you Arthur," she repeated.

"He looks so frail," Arthur said.

Hunith smiled at him. "Come on, I'll make the tea. Go talk to him please Arthur," she said, taking his arm and leading him back downstairs.

When they got to the bottom she peeled off for the kitchen, Arthur stood there for a moment chewing his lip before sitting down next to his father.

"That was quick thinking," his father noted.

"Hunith wouldn't let me think," Arthur confessed, "she's pretty bossy that woman."

"Ah, she's a good woman is Hunith," Uther said, he looked Arthur and smiled dreamily.

He seemed dazed; Arthur supposed he was in shock.

"She brought you Merlin," Uther said quietly, "he’s probably the best present I could have ever got you."

"What?" Arthur asked confused, starting to worry about his father's mental state.

"Merlin came with Hunith remember? And he made you better. He cured your loneliness. I never could with all the toys and money in the world. I even gave you a sister, but it wasn’t enough. Then that cheeky little lad came sweeping into our lives, and boy did he latch onto you, he hasn't let go since.

"He helped you Arthur, you were this sad little boy. You helped him too though, don't think I didn't notice. Hunith told me all about what his father used to do to him, why he didn't speak. That was psychological damage you fixed quicker than any shrink," Uther rambled.

"I think I love him father, I think I’m in love with him," Arthur confessed.

"It’s obvious to anyone but the pair of you," Uther said, smiling at him, "I loved you mother and I never cheated on her I swear. Vivien happened before Ygraine and I got together, I swear. You need to stop all this nonsense and tell Merlin how you really feel."

"You never talk about mother," Arthur said.

"It still hurts, even now. She was younger than me, by five years. She was finishing university when Vivien got pregnant. I thought I loved her you see, that's how I justified it in my head. She dropped me as soon as Gorlois came back from a tour.

"Three months later Ygraine started working at Pendragon. She was working on _Elegan_ , interning for my uncle," Uther stopped and chuckled to himself. "I remember the cover that week was this garish neon monstrosity and I told her as much. She said I was blind, she then proceeded to educate me on how fashion was art. She just had an eye for that sort of thing. But the way she spoke Arthur, you could see what she saw. God I loved her, so much. Vivien was nothing compared with that."

"Ok," was Arthur could say to that, he had not even known how his father met his mother. "Morgause?"

"Her parents knew the truth that's it. Gorlois made me swear on his deathbed, when I promised to take care of Morgana, that she’d never find out. I had to try and stop that from happening," Uther said, his eyes pleading.

"I understand," Arthur told him.

"Look, I don't know this Morgause, but I have no problem with her in particular, I just wanted to protect Morgana. Please get her to come home, I need to explain things to her," Uther pleaded.

"She won’t listen to me," Arthur argued.

"Please try," Uther begged.

"I will father," Arthur said.

Uther lent his head back against the wooden bannister and closed his eyes.

"Oh no you don't," Hunith chided, appearing as if from nowhere. "You can't sleep here, up you get," she insisted, standing with her hands on her hips until Uther stood up, still pressing himself against the bannister. "Bed," she said, as he headed to his study.

He turned around and began to climb the stairs, shaking his head.

"I'll try and bring her back," Arthur said again, watching him go.

"Thank you Arthur," Uther said.

Arthur spent the next hour on his mobile calling Morgana, even though she would not answer. She would be driving, but she would have to stop at some point. Arthur doubted that she’d answer the phone to him, but he had to try so he hung up on the voicemail and called again.

"For fuck sakes Morgana, answer your stupid phone," he muttered as it rang.

He was pacing his room and concentrating so hard that he didn't notice Merlin creep in silently.

"My father thinks I should get a cochlear implant," Merlin said.

Arthur turned around and looked Merlin over, he had just gotten back. He couldn’t have been with Balinor all this time, it was gone two am. He must have been wandering the streets.

"What implants?" Arthur asked distractedly, "and why?"

"He wants me to get a cochlear implant," Merlin repeated, looking frustrated at Arthur's apparent lack of interest.

Arthur hung up on Morgana's voicemail and fired off a quick text demanding she call him, but he doubted he’d get a response. He wanted to throw his phone at the wall in frustration, but instead he took a deep breath and placed it on the desk.

"Why?"

"So I could hear, so I could be normal," Merlin said.

"Oh fuck no Merlin!" Arthur said, marching toward him, "I told you not to keep seeing him. He’s an arsehole, he just wants to try and change you. He used to abuse you for Christ’s sakes. You are normal Merlin, what did you say?"

"I said I'd think about it," Merlin said.

Arthur shook his head in disbelief. "Well I hope you've finished thinking and come to the sensible conclusion of no," he said.

"Arthur it's my choice not yours, don't start making my decisions for me," Merlin warned.

"But you'd be doing it for the wrong reasons Merlin. You don't want it done because my father offered to pay for it years ago, remember? Before you started at Sir Henry’s," Arthur reminded him.

"I'm older now I can-"

Arthur had had enough, he grabbed Merlin’s shoulders and tried to shake some sense into him. "It's surgery Merlin, brain surgery," he said.

Merlin shook him off. "It's not dangerous," he signed with trembling hands.

"Oh I suppose he listed off all the statistics for you," Arthur said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Arthur, why are you being so negative?" Merlin said, almost shouting.

"Just... if you want to this because your father, who was absent up until two months ago, says so go ahead. I've got more important things to deal with right now," he said.

"I can't believe you," Merlin signed, fleeing from the room.

"Fuck," Arthur muttered.

He texted Morgana asking her to at least text him when she arrived so that he knew she had not been killed in a horrible accident. Then he sat down in his desk chair, elbows on the table, head in his hands.

_Arthur was dreaming, he was in church, at a wedding. He looked up at the altar and it was Morgana in a white dress, Merlin standing beside her in his tux, clasping her hands. He was looking at her like a lovesick fool, and she was grinning back at him. The vicar was reading the vows, but things were jumping around as they do in dreams, he was addressing the crowd. He was asking if anyone knew of any reason why Morgana and Merlin could not marry._

_That was Arthur’s cue to stand up from the pew._

_"They can’t get married!" he bellowed, "she stole him from me! She’s a witch, she’s enchanted him!" he shouted at the vicar, who turned into a dragon._

_The great beast flew up to the ceiling, circling the crowd below like a vulture. Morgana just started laughing at him, unfazed by the dragon above them._

_"Don’t be silly Arthur," Merlin said, "I can’t marry you, you’re married to my mum," he said, laughing with Morgana._

_Then another Merlin, standing beside him, took his hand and started talking._

_"Arthur," the nicer Merlin said, "Arthur wake up," he said again tapping his shoulder._

Arthur jumped, his elbow slipping from the table, and fell forward catching himself just in time. He looked up at Merlin who was standing by the desk.

"I’m not married to Hunith," Arthur mumbled.

Merlin looked alarmed at that, he reached out and placed a hand on Arthur’s forehead as if checking for a fever. Arthur shook him off and span in his chair looking around the room. There was sunlight coming in through his window so he presumed it was morning. He reached for his phone, there was one message from Morgana, sent at five am. It said that she had arrived in Stirling, and to leave her alone. Arthur rubbed his eyes and looked at Merlin who was watching him worriedly.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you," Arthur signed.

"Me too Arthur, mum told me what happened," Merlin said, leaning against the desk.

"I shouldn't have told you what to do though," Arthur said.

"No you shouldn't," Merlin said, "but I knew something was wrong and I ignored it. I was too busy focussing on my own problems," he said.

"It’s alright Merls," Arthur said, leaning forward and placing his head in his hands, just for a minute.

He smiled to himself as Merlin ran a comforting hand through his hair.

"Morgana texted me," he said looking up again, "she made it to Scotland," he informed him.

"Good?" Merlin signed, taking the phone to read the message.

"Not really," Arthur argued, "what if she never comes back?"

"She will, her stuff is here," Merlin reasoned, placing the phone back on the desk and giving Arthur’s shoulder a squeeze.

"I hope so," Arthur signed, pulling Merlin onto his lap, at that moment he did not care about proprietary, he just needed comfort.

"Arthur!" Merlin said, trying to wriggle free.

"Please Merlin," Arthur begged.

Merlin sighed, but relaxed. He still leant away from Arthur as if the closeness made him uncomfortable. That thought made Arthur’s chest hurt so he tried to dismiss it.

"I'm going to see the doctor about getting an implant," Merlin told him.

"Have you told your mum?"

"Yes, she was angry," Merlin said, his voice catching as his lips trembled.

"So am I, but not at you," Arthur said, "please just think about it properly."

"I will Arthur, of course I will," Merlin signed, before catching Arthur’s hands to stop him arguing.

"Do it for yourself, not for your dad," Arthur pleaded.

"Alright Arthur," Merlin said, leaning his head against Arthur's chest indicating that the conversation was over.

Arthur did not care, not with Merlin’s head pressed against his heart. He span the chair round for a while and they sat in comfortable silence, until they had to get up and face the day.

 

 


	7. A New Resolve

The next few weeks were the most stressful period of Arthur’s life, he had so much to contend with. To start, there were his father's worries over Morgana combined with Morgana's refusal to come home. In addition, Arthur had his own worries about Merlin and Balinor, and on top of that, he had university applications to deal with. Night after night he found himself hanging up on Morgana’s bitter diatribes about his father, their father, and collapsing onto his bed exhausted.

He had called his sister every night since her impromptu departure, and although it had taken a week for her to answer his calls at all, she had given in. However, so far it seemed all she wanted to do was argue with him. Arthur had kept calling anyway, trying his best to convince her that his father was sorry for his lies, that he had done it to protect her. None of it seemed to be getting through.

Uther had been patient with his efforts at first. However, after two weeks of going to his father's study with no news, he no longer hid the cold disappointment from his face. He put pressure on Arthur to try harder, to bring Morgana home by any means necessary. Arthur had no idea how his father expected him to manage it, but he did have a better chance at it.

Arthur was aware that Merlin and even Hunith had a better chance at coaxing Morgana into returning home. Morgana also seemed to realise this and refused to speak to either of them and risk crumbling her resolve. They were both aware that one Skype chat with Merlin and his dimpled smile would have her tearing down the M1 to pinch his cheeks in no time.

Merlin was texting her instead, and seemed to be under the impression that Morgana was happy where she was, with Morgause. He informed Arthur that he had no obligation to force her to come back. That was the problem, Morgana was happy where she was and no amount of pleading on Arthur’s part was going to persuade her otherwise. He had to get his father to see this somehow.

Arthur had dared to broach the subject of Merlin's cochlear implantation, which had spiralled into a shouting match between them. Arthur had been shouting, Merlin's tone remained even and quiet as ever. He may as well have been shouting though; the rage in his eyes and the fury in his posture was as loud as anything Arthur could shout.

It had started well; Arthur had done plenty of research before attempting to dissuade Merlin from his plans by way of an informed discussion. They had discussed the pros and cons, but Merlin seemed to be as knowledgeable as Arthur, challenging every argument with ease.

After several attempts, Arthur had given up trying to warn Merlin of the dangers of surgery. He opted instead to convince Merlin that the whole thing was pointless, because it would not give him true hearing but a mockery of what normal people had.

Arthur had shocked himself at that, never had he implied that Merlin wasn’t normal. Merlin had not noticed, already angry and distracted, but it made his stomach churn anyway.

"I know, Arthur," Merlin said his voice trembling, threatening to crack, "I don't even know how to hear anyway, it'll be nothing like the real thing."

Arthur stepped forward and gripped Merlin’s shoulders, shaking him. "Why the hell are you doing it?" He had asked, "can't you see what he's doing?"

Merlin shrugged him off and pushed Arthur back. "He's not forcing me to do anything he's-"

"He bloody well _is_ Merlin, he's manipulating you! Making you feel guilty, for being abnormal and not good enough for his standards. For fuck sakes Merlin, if you can't see that you must be blind as well as deaf!" Arthur shouted.

Merlin noticed the slip this time, it was not subtle.

"You always said I was normal," Merlin signed, his eyes betraying the anger simmering there.

Arthur felt disgusted with himself as Merlin walked away from him, he had not meant for it to sound like that but he was desperate for Merlin to stop.

After the fight Merlin would not speak to him unless they did not mention the implant, the first few times Merlin had gotten up and left the room. Arthur voiced his concerns to Hunith, when he realised that Merlin was not going to listen to him. She had smiled at him as he recounted their argument, but she didn’t seem too worried.

Hunith assumed it was a phase and that Merlin would get over it before anything came about. She had also assured him that Merlin would not be having any surgery in his last year of school because he had enough to be dealing with. This put Arthur's mind at ease somewhat.

Thankfully, Merlin seemed happy to pretend the argument had not happened, and still wanted to help Arthur with his Oxford application. Because he was applying for Oxbridge, his application had to be ready as soon as the summer ended, in time for the school advisors to check it through and start preparing them for interviews.

Merlin was also applying to Oxford, the pair of them had decided earlier in the year that secondary school had kept them apart for too long. They were going for separate colleges, Arthur was going for Jesus College like his father, and Merlin for Corpus Christi. But they’d already made plans on whose dorm room would be used for movie nights, Arthur’s would be bigger, and where they would go for early morning coffees. Arthur could not wait, but first there was the matter of getting in. Merlin was much better at the writing personal statement side of things, whereas Arthur was better at the interview parts. He would be repaying Merlin by helping him prepare for that.

Things remained tense with Merlin after the argument. Arthur left it alone like Merlin wanted and tried to pretend that everything was fine. The other problem was that ever since the pool side revelation of his true feelings for Merlin, he had found it harder to speak to him. Their usual easy conversation had gone as Arthur was always minding what he said, for fear of his feelings being revealed. Now more than ever he needed Morgana to confide in but it was something he was not willing to do over the phone.

Arthur got to meet Merlin's father two weeks before he was due to go back to school. It took a lot of convincing, but Merlin allowed him to go to a cafe with them. Arthur had been prepared to hate the man. However, when he got there Balinor seemed genuine, which surprised and disappointed Arthur. Balinor was very pleased to meet Arthur, he promised him that Merlin never stopped talking about him at their meetings, which warmed Arthur and made Merlin blush. They talked about school and university and Arthur could see the honest pride on Balinor’s face at the thought of his son going to Oxford.

After the meeting Arthur thought he had a better idea of why Merlin wanted to please his father and it was not due to the pressure Arthur thought it was. He knew he was not seeing the whole picture because Merlin was still keeping secrets, but it was clear to Arthur that Balinor felt guilty. He had waited until he had enough money for the operation to be done privately, saving for years, before coming forward to meet Merlin. It was a gesture, an unnecessary one, but seemed to be his way of making amends, the only way he could.

For some reason Merlin, maybe a little desperate to make his father proud, was agreeing to go ahead with this life changing decision. Arthur hoped that by the time the school year was over, Merlin and his father would have sorted their issues without the need for anything drastic.

 

When term did begin things became even more strained between Arthur and Merlin. They fought over Merlin’s refusal to help get Morgana back, which had led to weeks of silence between them.

Things came to a head in October after their university applications had been handed in. Arthur went home for a weekend visit to unwind after the stress of writing personal statements, before the worry over stage two of the process began. Most of his year seemed to have the same idea and Arthur turned down several party invitations because he wanted nothing more than to hang out with Merlin.

However, when he arrived home Merlin did not seem very happy to see him. When he refused to join him for a little light celebrating Arthur was upset . But when Merlin turned down watching a movie, he snapped.

"What the hell is wrong with you Merlin?" Arthur asked.

"Leave it alone Arthur," Merlin said, trying to turn away.

Arthur did not let him, he grabbed Merlin and stared at him, trying to read his face like he was able to once. He wondered when that had stopped happening, when Merlin had started to put up walls. Arthur wondered if that was what it seemed like to Merlin when he was so careful over what he said. He wondered if he had somehow caused this.

"What's wrong Merlin? Have I done something?" he said.

Merlin looked like he wanted to speak, but stopped himself, biting his lip. He paused for a moment. "No Arthur it's not you, I'm sorry I'm just a bit stressed at the moment," he signed.

Arthur knew now that Merlin thought he could lie better with his hands. "But applications are over we have a couple of weeks before interviews at least," he argued.

"If I even get an interview," Merlin muttered.

Arthur sighed as he sat down on the sofa, pulling Merlin down beside him, seeing things more clearly. "Is that what you're worried about? That you won't get into Uni?" he asked.

"That I won't get into Oxford," Merlin said, shuffling to the other end of the sofa, putting as much distance between himself and Arthur as he could manage.

"Oh but you will, you're brilliant," Arthur said, trying to hide his hurt at Merlin’s closed off body language.

"Easy for you to say," Merlin signed, he was glaring now.

"What does that mean?" Arthur asked, he may be in love with Merlin but he was starting to tire of walking on eggshells around him.

"You're Arthur Pendragon, practically royalty, of course you'll get in. Let’s face it you've pretty much had a place since you were born," Merlin said, his voice shaking.

"That's not how-"

"It _is_ though, you’ve got everything going for you in that respect," he said. He held up his hand and began counting on his fingers. "You’re wealthy, you’re from a respectable family, and a school which sends over half its kids to Oxbridge every year. Me I'm poor and common-"

"You go to grammar school," Arthur argued.

"And it's all I've got going for me," Merlin signed.

"Yeah that and the fact you're bloody smart, _most_ of the time. Besides you could've gone to King’s with me, but you turned my father down," Arthur reminded him, shifting closer to him on the couch and taking his hands.

Merlin looked down at their entwined fingers for a moment before pulling free. "It wouldn't have mattered anyway," he signed.

"Why?"

"Because of..." he signed, aborting the gesture instead of signing _I’m deaf._

"You being deaf?" Arthur asked anyway.

"Yeah," Merlin said, looking down at his hands.

"Oh," Arthur said, he lifted Merlin’s chin as he thought on it for a moment. "Well I don't think that matters, if anything I'd say it gives you an advantage," he suggested.

Merlin narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "I can't believe you," he signed, standing up and backing away from Arthur. His hands were shaking as he ran them through his hair, tugging at it.

Arthur blinked, he had no idea what he had said to cause this response. "I... what?"

"I don't want to get in because I fill their disability quota Arthur! I want to get in because I'm good enough!" Merlin signed, his hands moving rapidly.

"Merlin wait..." Arthur begged.

Merlin stormed out of the room without looking back. Arthur sat there in stunned silence for a moment before he dragged himself off the couch and up to Merlin's room. He reached out and pulled on the handle but he had locked the door. Arthur leant his head against the door, shaking the handle again, hoping that Merlin would see it moving.

"Arthur?" Hunith said, stepping out of her room and onto the landing.

"Sorry Hunith, did I wake you?" Arthur asked.

Hunith tried to stifle a yawn, leaning against her door. "No Merlin did when he slammed the door," she said, "is it locked?" she asked.

"Yeah," Arthur said, sighing and pressing his head against Merlin’s door.

Hunith stepped forward, pulling Arthur away from the door. "Why were you fighting?" she asked.

"He misunderstood something I said," Arthur told her.

"There was a time when that would have never happened," Hunith said.

"What happened to us?" Arthur said.

"You're growing up darling," Hunith said, patting his shoulder. "The friendships you form as children are so easy. Anything you fight about is so small and trivial, but now your teenagers and every little thing seems so huge and important."

"But will we ever get it back?"

"Oh no that's not how it works," she said, chuckling when Arthur's face fell. "That easy grace of childhood friendship has gone I'm afraid, and now you have to work at it like everyone else. Yes, you have a much firmer friendship basis than most, but you're at a difficult age and it's fragile. If you make it through, it'll be stronger than ever," she said, "of course there are some things you both need to realise first," she added.

"What things?" Arthur asked.

She smiled. "You'll figure it out I'm sure of it, go to bed now Arthur. Talk to Merlin in the morning," she said pushing him toward the staircase. "Sit him down and make him pay attention to you if you have to. And if he won't, tell him I said he has to stop being a silly nemo, like William calls him."

"It’s emo Hunith," Arthur said, grinning despite himself.

"Oh is it, what's a nemo?" she asked.

"It’s the fish from the movie, also Latin for no one," he informed her, making his way down the stairs. When he got halfway down he turned back to her, "when did Merlin become ashamed that he was deaf?" he asked.

"Oh I think about four years ago," she said.

"But-"

"He's good at hiding things Arthur, at pretending everything’s fine. He always has been, always will be, but you have a better chance than anyone else to get inside," she offered.

"Yeah thanks, good night Hunith," he said.

"Good night Arthur," she said, before going back into her room.

 

When Arthur woke up the next morning, it was far earlier than he would have liked and only because his alarm was ringing in his ear. He dragged himself out of bed and went straight downstairs to the library, where he grabbed a book and made himself comfortable, waiting for Merlin to show up. He did not mean to fall asleep but after half an hour of waiting, his eyes fell shut and he allowed himself to drift.

"Arthur?"

Arthur startled awake, dropping his book to the floor. He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face.

Merlin leant down and picked up the book. " _The Cathedrals of Great Britain?"_ he enquired.

"It’s a good read," Arthur informed him.

Merlin raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"Yeah alright, it’s the first book I picked up," Arthur confessed.

"Did you sleep in here?" Merlin asked, popping himself down on the arm of Arthur’s chair.

"No I got up to wait for you," Arthur murmured before yawning.

"You forgot to get dressed," Merlin signed, smirking at him.

Arthur looked down at himself and grinned. "I didn't want to miss you," he said.

"Arthur..." Merlin began, chewing his lip.

"What I meant yesterday, I didn't think they'd want you to fill their 'disability quota’. I meant that they'd want you because of you overcoming adversity and all that sort of thing. They love that, it makes your personal statement far more interesting than mine," he explained.

"I'm sorry I stormed off," Merlin said, shifting where he sat.

Arthur sighed and pulled Merlin into the chair, so that he was in his lap. But it wasn’t intimate, Arthur tried to convince himself, they did this all the time.

"What's going on with you Merlin?" he said.

"What's going on with you?" Merlin retorted, his eyes challenging.

For a moment Arthur considered confessing, something about the determined look on Merlin's face gave him hope for a second that he would not be shot down.

"I'm fine Arthur," Merlin signed.

The moment over, Merlin’s walls went up again.

"Are you? Because you never used to be ashamed of being deaf. When we were kids you weren't, you haven’t been since Edwin right?" Arthur asked.

"Right but I'm not a kid anymore, I just want to be normal," Merlin signed before pressing his face into Arthur’s chest.

Arthur cradled Merlin’s head against him for a moment, revelling in having Merlin close. He pushed Merlin back so that they could continue the conversation.

"The implant won't change that," Arthur said.

A thunderous look crossed Merlin's face for a moment, but it passed.

"I know that Arthur, that's not why I'm getting it. I want it because it’ll give me a better shot, at being normal. A better chance in life, please Arthur I know what I’m doing. I just want to try it, you don’t understand," Merlin pleaded, grasping Arthur’s hands.

"Alright alright, I get it. If it will make you happy you should get it," Arthur said, giving in.

He promised himself that he would not try to dissuade Merlin anymore; if this was going to make him happy, Arthur would try for him.

"Thank you Arthur," Merlin said smiling at him.

It was a genuine Merlin grin, he was beaming, and it had been so long since Arthur had seen it, he wished he had respected Merlin’s decision earlier. He pulled Merlin against him and pressed his face into his hair, Merlin stiffened but soon relaxed into his arms.

After that, it was as if something had lifted between them, Arthur found it easier to be friends with Merlin again. And after what Hunith had said about working at a friendship, Arthur tripled his efforts, texting and emailing Merlin all the time. Merlin responded just as enthusiastically, and like that it was if they’d found themselves again.

Every now and then Arthur would draft a text or an email confessing his love for Merlin, hovering over the send key, before losing his nerve and deleting them. Gwaine found the whole thing very amusing.

"Just man up and tell him how you feel Barbie," he joked, snatching Arthur’s phone out of his hand and dropping into the seat opposite him.

They were in the school library, although Arthur was surprised Gwaine even knew where the library was. He leaned forward and tried to get his phone back, but Gwaine held it above his head.

"Give it back!" Arthur demanded, forgetting where he was.

"Hush Princess! We’re in a library," Gwaine said, chuckling, "I’ve been watching you for ages and you’ve just been sitting here staring at your phone," he whispered.

"Give it back," Arthur said, resting his elbows on the desk.

"Let me read it, I won’t send it," Gwaine said.

"Fine," Arthur said, bracing himself for Gwaine’s mocking.

"Hey Merlin… Hey Merlin? That’s all you’ve got?" Gwaine asked.

"He hasn’t text in two days, I’m…"

"Playing it cool?"

"I don’t know what to say anymore Gwaine, without giving it away. I want to type ‘how’s it going?’ and I type ‘Merlin I love you,’ I can’t do this," he said.

"Ah fuck Arthur, you’ve got it bad huh?" Gwaine said, putting down the phone.

He stood up and stepped around the desk. "Arthur?" he asked.

"It hurts," Arthur murmured as Gwaine pulled him up and into a hug.

"Then you have to tell him, but not via text. Take your time psych yourself up as much as you need to, it’s almost Christmas," Gwaine suggested, releasing him and sitting down on the desk.

"I can’t Gwaine," Arthur argued, sitting back down and picking up his phone, frowning at it as if it contained all the answers.

"You love him too much you know that? You’re so scared of losing him, but I think it’s worth the risk," Gwaine said.

"It’s not… you don’t get it, Merlin was my first friend, he’s the only person who likes me for who I am-"

"Hey what about-"

"Come off it, our friendship started as nothing more than sex," Arthur informed him, smiling despite his mood.

"But we’re friends now?"

"Yeah," Arthur said, placing the phone back on the desk.

"Then as your friend I’ll tell you this. You need to tell him before it kills you," Gwaine suggested.

"Not yet."

"He might say yes," Gwaine suggested.

"He won’t he-"

Arthur’s phone beeped interrupting them. He reached for it but Gwaine was closer. They grappled for a moment but Gwaine won and pushed Arthur against the shelves, holding him there.

"This is a library!" another student said from the other side.

"It’s from Merlin!" Gwaine said.

"Give it," Arthur said, struggling.

"Hey Arthur, sorry I’ve been out of contact, I had a swimming competition over in Kent. I was there a couple of days, left my phone at home, sorry kisses," Gwaine read aloud. "Aw he actually puts kisses in his texts."

"Give it," Arthur said.

Gwaine smiled and handed over the phone, leaning over Arthur’s shoulder to watch him reply.

_Skype, 10 mins?_

"That’s it! After an hour deciding what to say you’ve gone for three words?" Gwaine asked.

"Yep," Arthur said, grabbing his books and his bag.

Gwaine followed him out of the library making lewd suggestions about what Arthur was planning to do on his computer, he insinuated that Arthur was planning some dirty webcam sex. He talked about it all the way up to Arthur’s room, scaring some of the younger boys with his enthusiastic gestures.

"You can go now," Arthur said when they reached his door.

"Nah I think I’ll join you," Gwaine said.

"Gwaine-"

"Just to say hi," Gwaine pushed.

"Fine come on," Arthur relented, letting him into the room.

Gwaine made himself comfortable on the bed, while Arthur fired up his laptop, sitting himself down at the desk. He logged on and began the call, Merlin answered after three rings, his face taking over the screen.

"Hey," he signed.

"Hi Merls," Arthur said, "Gwaine’s here, he wants to say hi then I’ll kick him out," he signed. "Gwaine come say hello then you can bugger off," he said over his shoulder.

Gwaine heaved himself off the bed and knelt down beside Arthur’s chair.

"Hey Merlin," he said, signing on his fingertips like Arthur had taught him.

"Hello Gwaine," Merlin signed, "how are you?"

"Good thanks," Gwaine said, allowing Arthur to interpret for him.

"Great, you can go now," Arthur said, shoving at him.

"No I think I’ll stay," Gwaine argued.

He settled himself down beside Arthur, and winked at Merlin, who laughed at him.

"Whatever," Arthur said, rolling his eyes, "Gwaine won’t piss off, but he’ll get bored," he signed.

Merlin laughed harder.

"How was the competition?" Arthur asked, knowing he could have a whole private conversation and Gwaine would have no idea what they were saying.

"I won the two hundred metre and came second in the four hundred," Merlin signed, his hands fluttering excitedly.

"Ever thought about doing the-"

"Paralympics? Yeah ha ha," Merlin signed, pulling a face but he wasn’t cross.

"You could win," Arthur argued.

"Yeah maybe. I still prefer science though," he signed, grinning and nodding at Gwaine who was frowning at them.

"Ignore him, he hates not getting attention," Arthur signed mischievously, "Yeah, my little rocket scientist."

"Taller than you Arthur, also chemistry not physics," Merlin replied. "He’s getting really annoyed," he signed, lips twitching as if he wanted to include Gwaine in the conversation out of guilt.

"He should learn to sign then, he’s known you two years," Arthur argued, his shoulders shaking as he tried not to laugh at Gwaine’s scowl.

"True," Merlin said, "I think he’s going to strop off in a minute," he guessed.

"Thirty seconds," Arthur countered.

"Twenty five."

"I know you’re talking about me!" Gwaine snapped.

"We’re having a private conversation," Arthur said calmly.

"Fine I get it, I’m going," he said without any real heat. "Later Merlin."

"Later Gwaine," Merlin signed, looking a little sorry.

Gwaine sighed and strolled out of the room, letting the door swing shut behind him.

"I feel mean now," Merlin signed.

"You should," Arthur joked, leaning back in his chair, "Nah he’ll be fine, plus he was crashing anyway. So I heard from Oxford," he informed him.

"Oh? Interview?"

"January 10th," he signed.

"Wow," Merlin replied, impressed.

"So?"

"So?"

"When’s yours?" Arthur asked.

Merlin pursed his lips, but Arthur could tell he was pretending.

"January 28th."

"Brilliant, you could come and stay here with me after, because it’s really close," he suggested.

"You’re at boarding school, not a hotel," Merlin argued, shaking his head.

"I’m the king of the school, I can sort something out," Arthur said, unfazed by Merlin’s doubts.

Merlin waited.

"I’ll sneak you in, it’ll be fun," Arthur decided.

Merlin had been to his school before, to watch him in a match or see him receive awards, but he had never been up to the dorms. There was something exciting about the thought of smuggling Merlin into his room.

"Well the sound of an all-boys boarding school does appeal to me," Merlin joked.

"Thought so, schoolboys and dormitories cover your kinks right?" Arthur said, picking up the laptop and going over to his bed.

"Right, you got me all figured out," Merlin said, rolling his eyes. "This new laptop is awesome by the way, I can read your lips so much clearer, it’s as good as telly."

"Ah good old high-def," Arthur said, smiling as Merlin nodded.

"Don’t fall asleep," Merlin warned as Arthur laid down against his pillows.

"I’m tired, and it’s late," Arthur argued, looking at his clock.

It was only ten o’clock, but he had to be up at six for rugby practice. Two hours of running around in the freezing rain was not something he wanted to be tired for. After that he had a full day of classes, hockey practice and the work he had not done while he was moping in the library.

"Do you still have a lights out?" Merlin asked.

"Nah I’m upper sixth now, no lights out for me," Arthur explained.

Not that he’d ever paid much attention to lights out once Leon had become a prefect while Arthur was in fourth year.

"King of the school," Merlin murmured.

"Now who’s tired?"

"I’ve been swimming for days," Merlin signed back, while trying to stifle a yawn.

"I miss you Merlin," Arthur said.

"It’s Christmas soon, I get four whole weeks of you," Merlin signed.

"You lucky thing," Arthur said.

"Then interviews, one more term, exams and then summer," Merlin signed.

"Then our gap year, a whole year of freedom," Arthur said dreamily.

Merlin laughed at him. "Then Uni, which will be hard," he reminded him.

"More like then Uni, which will bring endless student parties." Arthur argued.

He knew he was right though if Leon’s experience was anything to go by. From the stories he told Arthur last summer, the once rule abiding boy had gone over to the wild side at Manchester. Although according to his father Manchester was a party university. Then there was Morgana who had always been a free spirit, but really found her place at Imperial, before everything went sour anyway.

"Are you looking forward to working with your dad?" Merlin asked.

"Yes, it’ll be fun,"

"Scared?" Merlin asked knowingly.

"Terrified," Arthur confessed.

"A whole six months of work, how will you manage? Meanwhile I’ll be adjusting to the world of hearing." Merlin signed, looking excited at the prospect.

Arthur frowned for a second before he schooled his expression into one of support. Merlin noticed but didn’t comment.

"Then the other six months it’ll be us travelling the world." Arthur signed, changing the subject.

"Europe," Merlin argued.

"Visiting all the sites, it’ll be awesome," Arthur said, undeterred.

"You have money right?" Merlin asked.

"Yeah…" Arthur said, confused.

"Can we get a camper van? Like one of the hippy ones," Merlin asked.

"A VW?"

Merlin repeated the letters on his fingers and frowned.

Arthur clicked around on the net and brought up a picture of a VW camper van.

"Yes that," Merlin signed, "VW?" he repeated.

"Brand name," Arthur explained.

"Can you get one? I’ll give you some money towards it, and we can paint it in hippy colours. It’ll be amazing," he signed.

"Yeah it will," Arthur said, imagining him and Merlin driving all over Europe in a flower power van.

"I’m tired Arthur," Merlin said, distracting Arthur from his musings.

"Go to sleep then," Arthur suggested, "but don’t sign off."

Arthur watched the screen shake as Merlin picked up the laptop and carried it over to his bed. He placed it on the pillow and wandered off to get changed. No matter how Arthur craned his neck he could not see anything, which was probably for the best. Merlin returned dressed for bed, in his boxers and one of Arthur’s old hoodies. He was no longer as small as he used to be but the hoodie still dwarfed him.

Merlin lay down on the pillow beside the laptop. "I miss you Arthur," Merlin signed before reaching out to the screen.

"I miss you too, but I’ll be home soon," Arthur said, watching Merlin’s eyes flutter shut.

They blinked open again a few times as Merlin fought sleep and Arthur listened to his breathing even out as he drifted off to sleep. Arthur watched him on the webcam for a long time, until Merlin’s laptop ran out of battery and the window went black.

As he watched Merlin sleep Arthur formulated a plan of action. He could not go on pretending everything was fine, pretending friendship was enough for them. He decided that he was going to tell Merlin everything. One day next year while they camped under the stars, it would be hopelessly romantic and Merlin would not be able to resist.

With a plan in mind the ache in his chest eased somewhat. He was going to do it, he was going to confess his love to Merlin and get him to fall in love with him.

 


	8. Drunk Kisses

Morgana came home on Boxing Day. The family had just got back from the church a few minutes before she arrived. They were still in the hallway taking off their coats, when Morgana pushed the front door open and stepped into the hall. She brought with her a flurry of snow and a nervous looking blonde woman. Arthur recognised the woman as Morgause from the pictures Morgana had shown him. Everyone froze and no one said a word until Morgause spoke up.

"Hello Pendragons," she said, "I brought her home, she’s missed you all terribly," she said, trying to push Morgana forward.

That broke the tension somewhat and Uther stepped forward, looking a little afraid of rejection.

"Morgana I'm so sorry," he said, holding out his arms.

Morgana ignored the gesture, staying back by the door, pressed close to Morgause. "I know," she said, "but you lied. Why did you lie?"

"Because you worshipped Gorlois, I couldn't take that from you. I promised him in the hospital, he made me swear that I would never tell," Uther explained.

"Alright, alright," she said, moving into the hallway. "I don't forgive you… I can't, not yet, but I want to come home. Can I?" she asked.

"Of course you can-"

"And I'll still call you Uther," she interrupted.

"Yes of course and-"

"And I'm going to keep dating Morgause," she continued.

"Yes fine," Uther said.

"Ok then," she said calmly, stepping forward to hug him, it wasn’t a proper hug, but it was a start.

It was awkward but they were both trying. She stepped back and turned to Morgause, gesturing for her to come forward.

"Uther this is Morgause, my girlfriend," she said, her eyes sparkling in challenge.

"Thank you for bringing her home," Uther said, grabbing Morgause’s hand and shaking it.

Morgana softened towards Uther slightly, after that gesture. Things were still a bit awkward, everyone being so careful around each other. Merlin and Arthur tried to stay out of the way while Morgana and Uther tried to heal things. The boys never asked too many questions, and never pushed the two to be in the same room. They both seemed to appreciate the space, and Arthur had seen Morgana leaving Uther’s study on several evenings looking much happier. It was almost like old times.

Arthur should have known that Morgause would be as bad as Morgana, if not worse. She was quieter and seemed shy but she was just as much trouble. At first, they kept to Morgana’s room, which Arthur decided was Morgana adjusting to being back. Merlin informed him it was more likely that they could not get out of Morgana’s four-poster bed due to all the sex they were having. This earned him a smack upside the head from Arthur.

However, five days after the pair had returned, they barged into his bedroom, without knocking, and sat themselves down either side of him. Merlin looked up at them, saw that they were there to antagonise Arthur not him, and went back to his computer.

"Traitor," Arthur muttered, scowling at the top of Merlin’s head.

"How are you Arthur?" Morgana asked, concerned. "I'm sorry I worried you, Uther told me you got really stressed when I left," she said, taking hold of his hand.

"Yeah it was a lot to deal with, but I'm ok now," he said, squeezing her hand.

"Good I’m glad. And how about the other thing?" she asked, waggling her eyebrows, "made any progress?"

"Morgana!" Arthur glanced at Merlin.

"Oh don't be silly he can't... bloody hell," she said, as Merlin looked up and narrowed his eyes. "How does he do that? I reckon it’s hyperawareness of you Arthur," she murmured, keeping her lips as still as she could manage.

Merlin frowned then looked back down, but Arthur noticed the sad expression flicker across his features. He slammed his hand on the bed.

"Don't do that!" he snapped, "if you don't want Merlin to know what we're talking about ask him to leave the room. Don't come in here and pretend he's not here because he can’t hear you," he fumed.

"Ooh you've got it bad," Morgause said, covering her mouth with her hand so Merlin could not see, he was watching them again.

"Stop it!" Arthur said, gritting his teeth in anger.

"Don't do that," Morgana said to Morgause, "I'm sorry Merlin, we came in here to tease Arthur. I didn't want to make you feel bad," she signed

She frowned because Merlin did not see her apology, he was not looking at her, he was smiling at Arthur. Arthur was staring back, his anger abating at the proud look on Merlin’s face.

"Jesus," Morgause muttered.

"I know," Morgana said, winking at her.

Arthur's attention darted to Morgana.

"Out," he ordered.

Morgana rolled her eyes but they stood up and moved toward the door.

"Are you going to make a move?" she said, her lips twitching in her best ventriloquist impression.

Arthur bristled.

"If you ever do that again..."

Morgana smiled, she stopped in front of him, her back to Merlin. "You really love him don't you?"

Arthur closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes, so much," he said.

She smiled and gave his shoulder a squeeze, before turning back to Merlin. "I'm sorry Merlin I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," she apologised.

"You made me feel dismissed," Merlin signed.

Morgana's face fell.

"You didn't mean to upset me, but don't do it again. I’m upset because you came in here and pretended I wasn’t here," he said.

He turned to Morgause who bit her lip. "What you did was a bit mean, but you didn’t know so I forgive you," he said, smiling. "We’re cool," he added.

Morgause looked relieved; she took Morgana's hand and led her out of the room.

"I guess that’s a bit like what you call whispering," Merlin guessed.

"Yeah except _you_ can tell what people say when they whisper," Arthur said, remembering all the spy missions they used to play when they were younger.

"The implant can help with stuff like that," Merlin signed, flopping onto the bed, propping himself against the pillows so he could see Arthur.

"No it can't," Arthur argued, confused.

He sat down next to Merlin’s sprawling limbs, keeping a careful distance.

"No I mean I won't hear words or anything, but I will know when someone is talking, when to look," Merlin signed.

"You looked anyway," Arthur said, reaching out to loop his fingers through Merlin’s.

He often did this to get Merlin to speak aloud, Merlin’s voice was still one of his favourite sounds.

"That's just because I knew you were upset," Merlin said, playing with Arthur’s fingers.

"How?"

Merlin shrugged. "I always do," he said, pulling his hands free, "I always will," he said, pressing a hand to Arthur’s chest.

Arthur lay down beside him, facing the ceiling. "Merlin?" He said.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing just… you’re my best friend you know that right?" he asked, chickening out of the confession. The time wasn’t right, he had a plan and he would stick to it.

"Yeah," Merlin said, and Arthur thought he might have sounded a little disappointed.

Arthur dismissed that thought before he could get too carried away.

Arthur’s interview at Oxford went well, Arthur felt a little guilty at first because the panel all seemed to know his father, and were very excited to meet him. However, once the questions started he realised it was not going to be a walk in the park. They grilled him on what he was planning to read: history and politics, on his extra-curricular activities, and his duties he did for the school.

They wanted to know why he thought he should get a place over other potential students who were not taking a year out. Arthur was able to answer all the questions, and the panel seemed satisfied with his decision to get some real world experience before starting university life. He impressed them with his extra-curricular sporting activities, but they were more interested in his responsibilities as head boy. It was a position Arthur had only taken up because his father had suggested it, but he kept that to himself. A week later, he got his conditional offer, in writing sent to the house rather than the school. His father rang him and promised a small party when Arthur was next home.

 

Two weeks after that Arthur was picking Merlin up at the little train station, in Abingdon. Merlin had lied to his mum and said he was staying over at the university and catching the train home in the morning.

"I think she knows I’m here though," Merlin confessed as he pulled back from a hug. "I only lied because I thought you’d get in trouble for letting me in," he explained.

Arthur grinned and threw an arm around Merlin’s shoulders as they began a slow walk toward the school.

"How come you’re not in uniform?" Merlin asked, lips twitching. He watched Arthur as they walked, trusting him to steer him in the right direction.

"I don’t-"

"I know you still have to wear uniform Arthur, that funny suit thing. And I’ve seen your school’s website, sixth formers wearing uniform, brilliant," he said, laughing.

"Yes well my school is just a little more old fashioned-"

"Posh! Arthur your school is _posh_ , making eighteen year olds wear blazers and ties!" Merlin exclaimed.

"Some normal schools have sixth form uniforms," Arthur argued.

"Yeah I know," Merlin conceded, "but I get to wear what I want, so I can rub it in."

"Nice suit by the way," Arthur said grinning, pulling Merlin closer so that he could loop his arm round him and tug at his tie.

"Thank you, I thought I looked rather dashing," Merlin said, swatting Arthur’s hands away.

Arthur agreed but he did not admit that to Merlin. "Whatever. So how did it go?" he asked instead.

"Really well, they seemed really excited to meet me, all my teachers said nice things about me. And the labs are amazing, they have so much more equipment than school. Oh and the college, Jesus is amazing I love it already. I’m so excited I hope I get in," Merlin babbled.

Arthur had never heard him speak so fast. "You will," he said.

"Here we are," Merlin said, as they reached the back wall.

Arthur let go of Merlin and watched him as he stared at the grand old building.

"I may complain about your posh school, but it is beautiful. I always loved coming here," he said.

"You never got to come inside though," Arthur said, pulling open the back gate.

Arthur had discovered it when sneaking around the grounds with Gwaine, it was old and forgotten, but very useful.

"Nope, stuck on the pitch watching you run around," Merlin signed, walking through the gate.

"You loved it," Arthur said, pushing the gate closed behind them.

They crept across the grounds, deserted this late in the day. All the younger students would be in their dorms and it was too cold for the older ones to be wandering the grounds.

Arthur snuck Merlin through some of the less used corridors, in case there were any teachers taking a late night stroll. When he let Merlin into his room, he was surprised to find Gwaine, Percy and Lance waiting for them. Gwaine smiled and held out a bottle of vodka.

"So celebrating or commiserating?" Gwaine asked, as Merlin shut the door.

"What are you doing Gwaine?" Arthur asked carefully, as he took off his jacket.

"Showing Merlin how we public school lads party," Gwaine explained, opening the bottle and pouring out five large shots.

"I bloody knew it! This is what you get up to isn’t it?" Merlin signed as he kicked off his shoes.

"I can safely say we’ve never done this," Arthur argued, frowning at Gwaine.

"We have, you’re just not invited," Gwaine said, handing out the shots.

"Why?" Merlin signed, with one hand.

"Can’t ask the head boy to the party everyone would leave," Percy explained.

Merlin laughed and sat down onto the bed, sniffing the drink Gwaine had handed him.

"Don’t…" Arthur insisted, but at Merlin’s hopeful look, he gave in and downed his own shot, wincing at the bitter taste of the alcohol.

"To the princess and the wizard’s happy time at Oxford," Gwaine said, raising his glass.

"I haven’t got in yet Gwaine," Merlin reminded him.

Arthur took the bottle from Gwaine and poured himself another shot as Merlin and Gwaine clinked their glasses.

Arthur frowned as Merlin drank his with ease. "You’ve done that before," he said.

"I’m seventeen Arthur, not seven," Merlin said, grinning at him and accepting another shot from Gwaine.

"Let’s play a game," Gwaine suggested, moving away from Arthur’s glares and sitting down next to Lance.

Percy and Arthur both groaned.

"Let’s play truth or dare," Lance suggested.

"No!" Arthur said, noticing that Merlin also shook his head.

"Spin the bottle?" Gwaine suggested.

"No way," Lance said, "I’m not kissing any of you."

"I never?" Percy offered.

"Fine," Arthur said, he turned to Merlin, "Gwaine’s the only one who’s done outrageous things so he’ll pass out soon enough," he signed.

"Ah so I can suggest all those things you told me about him?" Merlin replied in the same fashion.

"Yeah."

"Brilliant."

"We are still here by the way," Percy said, pouring himself another drink.

He’d dug out some plastic cups and a bottle of lemonade from a carrier bag, and was now making everyone some more sensible drinks. They were still strong, containing far more vodka than a standard measure.

"Yeah alright, I’ll start shall I?" Arthur asked. "Never have I ever kissed a teacher," he said, winking at Gwaine.

Gwaine and Percy both took a drink.

"Percy!" Lance exclaimed.

"It was Miss Lamb, I was young and she was fit!" Percy said, his cheeks pinking.

"Bloody hell," Lance said, shaking his head, "and you’re still young."

"Public school, I knew it," Merlin said, bouncing on the bed with glee.

"Ok my turn," Lancelot chipped in, "I have never had sex on school grounds."

Arthur and Gwaine took a drink.

"This school or any school?" Merlin asked.

Arthur choked on his drink.

"Merlin!" Lance shouted, almost dropping his drink in shock.

"Any school," Gwaine said eagerly, leaning forward and watching Merlin.

Merlin moved his cup to his lips, then winked and put it back down, laughing at his own joke.

"You little…" Gwaine groaned, before grinning. "Never have I ever not had sex."

Merlin was the only one to drink that time, blushing.

"Wait what?" Arthur asked.

"Merlin drinks because he’s a virgin," Lance explained.

"Oh," Arthur said, smiling into his drink and ignoring Gwaine’s waggling eyebrows.

"Oh Merlin because you were the only one, you have to finish your whole drink," Gwaine said with as much authority as he could muster.

"Ok," Merlin replied, finishing his drink and holding out his cup for more.

"Steady on Merlin," Arthur warned.

Merlin smiled at him and sipped from his cup. "My turn," he said, his voiced slurring.

"As if you’re already drunk Merlin," Percy said, laughing.

"I have never kissed a priest," Merlin said, before falling back on the bed and laughing.

Everyone else looked straight at Gwaine.

"I tell you these things in confidence Arthur," he said, taking a drink.

"Gwaine has to finish his drink!" Merlin called out from the bed, kicking his legs.

"You tell him to show off," Percy argued, "Never have I-"

"My turn again" Merlin interrupted, sitting back up and swaying, "I have never… worn girls’ underwear," he finished, looking at Lance.

"You little shit, I’m going to kill Gwen," Lance said darkly, sipping at his drink.

"Ah the best of us have tried on girls’ knickers at some point," Gwaine chuckled, taking a swig from the bottle of vodka.

"Arthur," Merlin said, sipping at his drink absentmindedly.

"Yeah?"

Merlin frowned and put his glass down. He began to move his hands, trying to shape them into words.

"I have no idea what you’re saying," Arthur said, grabbing Merlin’s hands and rubbing a thumb over his knuckles.

"My eyes are blurry," Merlin mumbled.

"You’re such a lightweight," Arthur said, chuckling and keeping hold of Merlin’s hands.

Merlin did not try to pull away, just smiled at him and Arthur forgot about everyone else in the room as he smiled back.

"Percy!" Gwaine roared, startling Arthur out of his reverie.

He jumped and let go of Merlin’s hands as Percy moved away from Gwaine. Merlin collapsed back on the bed.

"That’s my mother!" Gwaine yelled, crawling towards Percy.

"She’s a fine looking woman," Percy argued.

"So I think we can conclude that Percy likes the older woman," Lance decided, clearly the soberest person in the room.

"Well-"

There was a banging on the door, Lance got up to open it. On the other side there was a disgruntled pupil from lower sixth looking angry.

"I don’t know what’s going on in here but if you don’t break it up I’m going to have get the housemaster! It’s Wednesday night for heaven’s sakes," the boy said.

"Sorry, we’ll wrap it up," Lance apologised.

"Who’s that?" the boy asked, pointing at Merlin.

"Rent boy," Gwaine told him.

"Shut up Gwaine. This is my friend Merlin, he’s staying for tonight," Arthur explained.

"Oh… _oh_. that’s cool. I’m sorry to complain but I’ve got double physics first thing," the boy said, yawning.

"Don’t worry Jones its fine." Arthur said, blushing at why Jones thought Merlin was there, but he didn’t feel like correcting him. "You lot out, now!"

The three boys left grumbling, Percy grabbing the bottle. Gwaine looked over at Merlin, he turned to Arthur.

"Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do," he said.

"Out," Arthur repeated.

He closed the door behind them, and lay back down on the bed, watching Merlin. He wasn’t asleep, Arthur could tell, and eventually Merlin opened his eyes.

"Alright?" Arthur signed.

Merlin nodded. "Tired though."

"Such a lightweight," Arthur said. "You bring pyjamas?"

Merlin shook his head. "Can’t I borrow one of your hoodies?"

"Do you always sleep in my clothes?"

"Yeah they’re nice and big cuz you’re fat. My eyes are focussing again," Merlin said.

"I’m not fat,” Arthur said. “I’ll get you some water," He grabbed his rugby jumper and tossed it at Merlin, before heading to the bathrooms.

Arthur grabbed a glass of water and went back into his room. Merlin took it and gulped it down.

"How are you not drunk?" Merlin asked.

"Maybe I just handle it better than you," Arthur said, pulling off his jeans and hoodie, and getting into bed in his t-shirt and boxers.

"I don’t drink much, not regularly anyway," Merlin admitted.

"I think that's for the best, how are your eyes?" Arthur asked, concerned.

"The room is still spinning and your face is glowing," Merlin mumbled, trying to lift his hands to sign but they flopped back down.

"Glowing?" Arthur asked, wondering if it had just been vodka in Merlin’s drink.

"Yeah in the light, it’s pretty," Merlin explained.

"I am not pretty Merlin," Arthur argued.

"Yeah you are, all golden and blonde." Merlin signed a little clumsily, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Arthur’s cheek, close to the corner of his mouth.

Arthur gasped and when Merlin pulled back, he grabbed his face and pressed their lips together. Merlin did not stiffen as Arthur expected him to, instead relaxing in his hands, and pressing back with enthusiasm. Shocked at Merlin’s response Arthur’s lips parted allowing Merlin to take control. If Arthur thought kissing Gwaine was fiery, it was nothing compared to this.

He felt like his skin was burning, he wanted more than drunken kisses. He wanted to push Merlin into his bed, pin him down and fuck him until the fire cooled. Arthur had never been so desperate. He unclenched his fists and tangled them in Merlin’s hair, causing him to whimper. The noises Merlin was making sent shivers down Arthur’s spine.

Most of the time Merlin was always conscious of any noises he might make, even his laughter always seemed controlled. Part of his fear of being too loud, he’d learnt what was quiet and tried to stick to it.

But Arthur doubted that he was even aware of the little moans he was pulling from him. He ran his hands down Arthur’s back and pulled at his waist, trying to get him to move closer. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut more tightly for a moment before pulling back and staring at Merlin in wide-eyed shock.

Merlin stared back at him, smiling and stroking at his hair. His lips were swollen and red and his eyes were still unfocussed, a picture of drunken debauchery.

"Arthur," Merlin said, before his eyes fluttered closed.

Arthur flicked off the lamp and lay there in the darkness, with Merlin pressed against him, wondering how much he had screwed things up. But Merlin had kissed him back, in fact Merlin had been more in control of the entire thing, he’d pushed and encouraged Arthur, if anything. On the other hand, Merlin had been drunk, which made Arthur feel like he had taken advantage of his friend.

It took Arthur a long time to fall asleep, as he deliberated over what he could say to Merlin in the morning, to fix this mess.

 

Arthur awoke to Merlin shoving at him, and trying to wriggle free. He opened his eyes and found that he had curled around Merlin, half on top of him, squashing him into the bed. Merlin wriggled again and Arthur rolled off him so that he could breathe. As Arthur watched him, Merlin ran a hand through his hair, looking a little green.

"Are you going to be sick?" Arthur asked, looking around the room for the bin.

"No… maybe… no I’m ok I think," Merlin said, sitting up.

"How’s your head?"

"Killing me," Merlin signed, "what the hell did we do last night?" he asked, his hands still a little clumsy.

"What do you remember?"

"Er… not much, did we really play I never?" he signed, pulling a face.

"Yeah."

"Oh god, I didn’t admit anything embarrassing did I?" Merlin asked, looking worried.

"Nothing I didn’t already know," Arthur assured him.

"Can I take a shower?" Merlin asked, getting up from the bed.

"Yeah, use that towel," Arthur said gesturing to the towel hanging on the chair. "It’s the first room on the left," he instructed, watching Merlin leave the room.

Arthur lay very still on the bed for about ten minutes, processing what had just happened. Then he grabbed the pillow Merlin had used and placed it over his face, he wanted to scream. Instead, he breathed in Merlin’s scent as he tried to calm down. He should have felt relieved that Merlin did not remember the previous night but he didn’t, just disappointment as the crushing pressure of keeping secrets returned heavier than ever. He pressed his face harder into the pillow as he considered suffocating himself.

"Er… Arthur?"

Arthur pulled the pillow away from his face, Merlin was standing by the bed, wearing only Arthur’s joggers and an expression of amusement of his face. Arthur’s eyes followed the water droplets travel from Merlin’s hair, down his neck and chest for a few mesmerising seconds before he shook his head.

"Are you alright Arthur? Is the hangover so bad you need to resort to killing yourself with a pillow?"

Arthur grunted and sat up. "Put some clothes on and I’ll take you to breakfast," he said.

"Don’t you have lessons?"

"I have a free morning, I don’t start till after lunch today." Arthur explained.

Merlin wandered over to Arthur’s wardrobe and grabbed a t-shirt. He grinned when he saw Arthur frowning at him.

"What?" he asked, pulling the red cotton shirt over his head.

It was about two sizes too big for him, but Arthur loved seeing Merlin in his clothes.

"You can’t expect me to wear a suit to breakfast," Merlin said.

"I can’t believe you didn’t bring a change of clothes," Arthur said, rolling his eyes.

"Well I knew I was coming here, plus my ratty old rucksack sort of ruins the look of my suit," Merlin explained.

"Fair enough, although I think it’s more that you like wearing my clothes." Arthur argued.

"Yep you got me, I raid your wardrobe while you’re away," Merlin joked.

"You say that like it’s a joke, but I know you do that. Like I know that you still sleep in my room half the time. Do you forget that I can see you on Skype? Do you think I won’t recognise it’s my bed you’re falling asleep in?"

Merlin chuckled. "Get dressed I’m hungry," he said.

Arthur dressed while Merlin fiddled with his phone, his stomach growling.

"Huh," he said.

Arthur looked up from his shoelaces. "What?"

"I have a rather irate text from Gwen," he said, tapping at the screen of the phone. "‘You’re so dead, I’ll never tell you anything again. I thought I could trust you Merlin, next time keep your fat mouth shut!’ What did I do?" he asked.

"Something about Lance and her underwear I think," Arthur reminded him as he grabbed his jacket.

"Ah shit," Merlin said.

"I’ll tell her that Gwaine plied you with booze, she’ll understand." Arthur said.

"Mm, c’mon feed me," Merlin said, grabbing Arthur’s hand and trying to pull him out of the door.

"Put a hoodie on, and a coat," Arthur insisted. "We have to go outside to get to the dining hall," he explained.

Merlin grumbled but obliged. Arthur took him to empty the dining hall, most of the school were at classes. None of the staff paid any attention to the fact that Merlin was not a school pupil. Arthur got Merlin a fried breakfast and toast for himself because his stomach still felt a bit rough. He ate his toast, watching Merlin demolish his own breakfast with gusto.

"Do you really not remember what happened last night?" he asked, more to himself than Merlin.

Merlin looked up from his plate and frowned at him, as usual he was always aware that Arthur was talking. "What are you saying?" Merlin asked with his mouth full of food.

"Oh just that I can show you the grounds when we’re done," Arthur lied. "We have an orchard it’s really pretty, you’d like it, you like all that nature stuff."

Merlin snorted and carried on eating. When he'd finished Arthur made him take their plates away, to the cleaning hatch.

"I’m not your servant," Merlin muttered, but he obliged anyway.

When he came back Arthur led him outside. "What time’s your train?" he asked.

"Twenty past every hour, I’ll catch the twenty past one train, get home in time for dinner, let you get back to lessons." Merlin said.

"I wish you could stay," Arthur said, imagining how different things would have been if Merlin had given in and gone to his school.

"Yeah," Merlin said.

They reached the orchard, which was empty due to the freezing January weather. Merlin leant back against an apple tree, tugging at the sleeves of Arthur’s coat and wrapping it tighter around his thin frame.

Arthur clenched his fists in frustration, this whole thing exhausted him, he felt like crying.

"Arthur what’s the matter?" Merlin asked concerned.

"Why the hell don’t you remember?" Arthur shouted, grabbing Merlin’s shoulders and clinging to them.

"Arthur? What did I do?" Merlin asked.

"You kissed me! I mean I kissed you… but you kissed me back, why don’t you remember?" he said.

Merlin’s eyes widened and he let his head fall back against the tree. "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, don’t be mad," he stammered.

Arthur broke all resolve then, stepping forward and crowding Merlin against the tree. "Do you remember?"

"No, maybe a little," Merlin admitted, his hands twitching, but Arthur was too close for him to lift his arms.

He looked like he wanted to flee.

"Why did you kiss me back?" Arthur asked, pressing closer until he was flush against Merlin.

"Arthur-"

"Please Merlin," Arthur begged, "I can’t do this anymore."

He grabbed Merlin’s arms before he could push him away. Merlin tilted his head to one side and looked at Arthur, studied him. Arthur did not know what Merlin saw, but his eyes widened in shock and all the tension seemed to leave his body. He relaxed and let Arthur hold onto him.

"Arthur," he said, his eyes flicking down to Arthur’s lips and back to his eyes.

He was giving Arthur the control this time, allowing him to make the first move. So Arthur did, he hardly needed to move to press his lips against Merlin’s, as close as they were. As Merlin’s lips parted, Arthur felt the weight that had been crushing him since that day in the poolroom lift from his shoulders. It caused him to gasp and he felt his knees go weak, but Merlin was there to hold him up. His arms tight around his waist, taking his weight with a strength Arthur was not aware he possessed.

Arthur pulled back, panting.

"Merlin I can’t do this," he murmured.

Merlin’s face fell and his arms loosened around Arthur’s waist.

"I can’t keep pretending," Arthur continued. "I… I love you Merlin more than a friend, I’m in love with you and I don’t think I can just be friends with you anymore. It hurts too much," he whispered.

Merlin stared at him. "Pretending?" he asked, a flicker of annoyance crossing his face, "Arthur how long… what? This isn’t just about last night? How long have you been pretending?" He asked, his eyes hopeful.

And Arthur knew then that he had been stupid keeping this to himself, at that moment Merlin was as readable as he had been when he was eight years old. It was clear then why he had stopped understanding Merlin. He had closed himself off to stop Arthur discovering his own feelings, for fear of jeopardising their friendship, or for fear of rejection, Arthur could not quite tell.

Hunith had been wrong though, because everything they’d had was back, everything he’d feared he’d lost was again just easy as it used to be. Everything Merlin felt was clear on his face: love, adoration, want, and need. Arthur thought his heart might explode, he was finding it difficult to breathe.

"How long?" He murmured.

"Forever," Merlin breathed, he looked a little nervous.

Clearly he was still worried that he’d taken a risk letting all his defences down.

"Forever?"

"Since you saved me from Edwin-"

"You were eight," Arthur scoffed.

"I just remember thinking, I want to marry Arthur, because he’ll always fight off all the bullies for me. It didn’t even register that that was a little odd. But when did I start fancying you? I was about twelve, Freya had just kissed me and Gwen informed me I liked boys. I was thinking about it and all I could think was that I wished you’d been my first kiss."

"All that time," Arthur whispered, brushing his nose against Merlin’s, "god I wish I’d said something sooner."

"It was when you said Morgana was pregnant wasn’t it?"

"Yeah."

"You were freaking out about me," Merlin realised.

Arthur nodded. "Didn’t it hurt? Just pretending, it was killing me."

"I dunno. About a week after I realised, I just kinda thought it’ll never happen get over it now because Arthur is your best friend. You don’t want to screw that up," Merlin said.

"But you changed," Arthur said.

"Yeah I had to because otherwise you’d see it. So yeah it hurt, it ached," Merlin admitted.

"We’ve been really stupid huh?"

"Yeah but for good reasons, I would never risk losing what we have," Merlin said. "Why did you never say anything?"

"I never thought you could… oh my god I’m the handsome man you were talking about!"

Merlin punched him on the arm.

"I never thought you could like me in that way. Consider me as anything more than a friend because you know me too well to ever fall in love with me," Arthur said.

"Oh Arthur," Merlin said, his lip trembling.

"I know," Arthur said. "But we’re not going to lose our friendship, this is going to work," he said.

Merlin nodded and ducked his head. Arthur, feeling brave reached out and stroked Merlin’s ear with his index finger before leaning in to kiss it. Merlin shuddered and pushed Arthur back.

"Fuck," he groaned.

Arthur darted forward again and pulling the lobe between his teeth, grinning in delight as Merlin trembled, his hands clutching at the back of Arthur’s shirt. Arthur released him to lean back and look at him.

"Wow," Arthur breathed.

Merlin nodded, his hands tugging at Arthur pulling him back. Arthur bypassed the ears this time to suck at the pulse point below them. He laughed against Merlin’s skin as he squirmed under Arthur’s lips.

Merlin’s hands were moving their way down Arthur’s back, until they reached the waistband of his jeans. They didn’t go any further, just rested there, Merlin’s thumbs hooked inside, pulling Arthur’s hips closer. Arthur slipped a thigh in between Merlin’s legs pressing him into the tree and causing him to gasp. He tried to get into Merlin’s coat desperate to feel his skin.

Arthur knew in the back of his mind that he should stop this, they were out in the school grounds in the middle of winter. But he couldn’t bring himself stop kissing down Merlin’s neck. He needn’t have worried, someone interrupted them before they could start anything.

"Finally," said a familiar voice, with a soft Irish lilt.

Arthur pulled back from Merlin, and turned his head to glare at Gwaine, who was standing there smirking at the pair of them. Thankfully, he was alone. Arthur rolled his eyes and looked back to Merlin who had his eyes closed, head thrown back against the tree, panting. He was trembling, but not from the cold. When his eyes opened, they were unfocussed and a small smile crept onto his face.

"Hey," Arthur said.

Merlin blinked at him, then he saw Gwaine and his face flushed, but he kept smiling.

"Hey Gwaine," Merlin said, looking back at Arthur with a sheepish expression on his face.

"So are you going to have sex right here in the orchard?" Gwaine asked, “It’s pretty cold.”

"We were kissing," Arthur argued.

"Really? Because Merlin’s hands are in your pants," Gwaine said, trying not to laugh.

Arthur looked down at where Merlin’s hands had slipped, Merlin pulled them free, blushing even redder.

Arthur just smiled and pressed a quick kiss to Merlin’s lips.

"Go away Gwaine," he said, not breaking eye contact with Merlin.

"Fine stay out here shagging. I just came to be a good friend and remind you that you are supposed to be helping with the second year’s parent’s day in an hour. Thought you might want to know but whatever," he said rolling his eyes, before turning and walking back to the school.

"Ah fuck," Arthur mumbled.

"Now I really don’t want to go," Merlin said.      

"Can’t you stay until the weekend?"

"You do know that I also go to school?" Merlin argued.

"Yeah alright, come on let’s get your stuff and I’ll walk you to the station." Arthur said.

They walked back to Arthur’s room, stopping to kiss every few minutes. When they got inside the school building classes were changing, but that didn’t stop Arthur pushing Merlin up against the wall.

"Ugh no kissing in the corridors!" an outraged boy shouted.

Arthur held Merlin against the wall, and turned to face the first year.

"There are no rules against it," he informed him.

"I’m pretty sure there are," the boy argued, scowling at him.

"What’s your name?" Arthur asked, ignoring Merlin’s attempts to get free.

"Mordred," he said.

"Well Mordred, I am head boy, the rules don’t apply to me," Arthur explained.

"I’ll tell a teacher, you two shouldn’t be kissing in the corridors, it’s gross."

"Me kissing my boyfriend is gross is it?" Arthur asked, letting go of Merlin, who placed a hand on his chest.

"He’s a ten year old boy Arthur, all kissing is gross," he signed.

"Exactly," Mordred muttered, "and I’m twelve."

"Well Mordred, as I have to escort my boyfriend to the train station I will let this slide just the once. But you need to learn to show respect to you elders," Arthur said as regally as he could manage, with Merlin rolling his eyes beside him.

Arthur turned and started to head back to his room when he realised Merlin was no longer beside him. He turned and saw Merlin still standing in front of Mordred, who was talking to him in sign language, about the book he was reading. Merlin was suggesting something for him to read next. Arthur had a sudden vision of Merlin in twenty years signing with his own dark haired kid. He snorted at his own sappiness.

"Don’t you have class Mordred?" Arthur called out.

It alarmed Arthur when Mordred just smiled at him and dashed off down the corridor.

"What did you say to him?" Arthur asked.

"Told him how wonderful you were," Merlin said.

"How come he can sign?"

"His friend from home is deaf," Merlin explained.

"Ah do I sense the beginnings of another romance as epic as ours?" Arthur asked.

"Too early to tell I think," Merlin said.

It took them another five minutes to reach Arthur’s room after Mordred’s distraction.

"Are you just going to steal my clothes then?" Arthur asked, folding his arms across his chest, watching Merlin recover the pieces of his suit.

"You love me in your clothes," Merlin said, "Do you have a …"

"Suit carrier? Yeah hold on," Arthur said, digging one out of his wardrobe, and removing his own suit from within.

He helped Merlin get his suit inside.

"Alright?"

"Yep, to the station I guess." Merlin said.

Arthur held out his hand for Merlin, grinning as Merlin entwined their fingers. Merlin was quiet as they walked to the station, leaning again Arthur’s arm.

"Merlin?" Arthur said, shaking Merlin’s hand to get his attention.

"Yeah?" Merlin asked, looking at Arthur, smiling like an idiot.

Arthur imagined his own face looked pretty much the same. "The implant, you’re not getting it because of me right?"

"No… maybe at first. When dad offered my first thought was if I can hear I might have a chance," Merlin confessed. "But it’s not because of that anymore, now I want it because I just want to be closer to normal."

"Ok," Arthur said, believing him.

Their goodbye at the station was not as romantic as Arthur had pictured it, because the train was already there and about to leave when they got there. The walk, which should have taken them five minutes, had taken fifteen because they had dawdled. Arthur only had time to kiss Merlin quickly before he jumped on the train. Arthur stood waving as the doors closed and the train pulled away, before turning back and heading toward the school, not even trying to hide his stupid grin.

Later that night Arthur was lying awake in bed waiting for Merlin to text him. He should have gotten home hours ago but he still hadn’t sent a message to confirm he’d arrived. Just as Arthur was about to call Hunith, a message came through.

_Sorry phone died._

Arthur rolled his eyes, before he could reply the phone beeped again.

_Oh my god, mum and your dad accosted me as soon as I arrived._

Then,

_But they didn’t want to talk about Oxford, oh no!_

Arthur loved how Merlin would write a sentence then send a text instead of finishing the whole thought.

_The first thing mum asked was ‘How’s Arthur?’ I knew she knew I was staying with you._

_Then your dad said ‘Look at that grin Hunith, they’ve obviously finally sorted themselves out!’_

_What the hell have you been telling him?_

_And then mum said ‘Finally’. It was mortifying. And I just know Uther’s going to tell Morgana, to get back in her good books._

_God she’s going to be awful_ Arthur replied, when there was a pause in the constant stream of texts.

_Thank god she’s at Uni, she can’t ring me, and I’ll block her on Skype._

_You chicken. I’m going to sleep now, but I’ll text you in the morning ok?_

_Ok Arthur nighty night xxx_

_Night Merls, I love you xxx_

_I love you too xxx_

 


	9. Everything's Changing

The last few months of school flew by for Arthur, just as his teachers and father had warned him it would. However, while most of the students in his year were trying to make it last, nervous about moving on, Arthur could not wait for it to end. He was ready for the next chapter of his life. He had loved his years at school and he would miss seeing his friends every day, but he the thought of working and travelling with Merlin before university excited him more.

Plus Arthur would be seeing his school friends all the time anyway. Gwaine was starting his Philosophy degree at UCL, and Lance would be doing medicine at Imperial, so they’d both be close by while he was working in the city.

Arthur managed to juggle his schoolwork and the new level of his relationship with Merlin with ease. As head boy he had little free time at school, but he tried to get home for weekends to see Merlin as much as possible in between his responsibilities. When he was not at home, they kept in contact via texts and the internet.

It meant they were always in touch during term time, apart from the exam period, when Merlin maintained a steady radio silence. Unlike Arthur, Merlin responded to revision stress by shutting everyone out and glaring at his books, whereas Arthur stayed relaxed because he trusted his predicted grades. His offer from Oxford was conditional, but he was confident he was going to well enough to get in.

Once exams were over, the final few weeks of term flashed in a flurry of parties and days out, until it was time for the Summer Ball. Arthur had gone home the previous weekend for Merlin’s American style prom at the community centre, but the formal ball at his school seemed like a bigger deal to both of them.

Arthur was fussing over his tuxedo when Gwaine strolled into his room looking dapper in his own suit, but Arthur was not going to tell him that.

"How do I look?" Gwaine asked anyway, joining Arthur by the mirror.

"Alright," Arthur said, adjusting his tie again.

"Alright? I would say I look rather handsome myself. You don’t look too bad either Pendragon," Gwaine said, taking Arthur’s hands away from his tie. "Leave it, don’t fuss."

Arthur rolled his eyes but didn’t argue, allowing his hands to settle by his sides.

"So tonight’s the big night huh? Gonna bring Merlin up here and finally have your wicked way with him?"

"What? No," Arthur said, frowning.

"Oh come on it’s like a prom night, it’s the perfect time to-"

"This isn’t a high school movie Gwaine," Arthur said.

"So you weren’t thinking of shagging Merlin senseless on your bed tonight? Before your room gets handed over to some poor sod."

When Arthur wasn’t quick enough to come up with an argument, Gwaine punched him on the shoulder.

"I knew it," he said, but his expression was serious. "Why have you held off for so long?"

"I want it to be perfect," Arthur said, turning to face Gwaine.

"Arthur you don’t need it to be the perfect moment or the perfect place. You two are in love, so it’ll be perfect no matter where you do the dirty."

"Yeah," Arthur agreed.

"Plus I’ve taught you well, so you’ll be fine," Gwaine said, giving him a leer.

Arthur shoved him away.

"Come on Princess, Gwen and Merlin’s limo will be here soon and we need to get Lance before we meet them."

"Who’s your date tonight Gwaine?" Arthur asked, as they left the room.

"Oh just a girl I know," Gwaine said, looking away

"What girl?" Arthur said, surprised, "you into girls now?"

Gwaine had been evasive about the topic of his date over the past few weeks. Percy was convinced Gwaine had found himself a sugardaddy.

"Just someone from the girls’ school. And I’ve always been into girls, I shagged you didn’t I? I, unlike you do not limit myself to sex with only one gender, life is far too short."

"Well that could be anyone, why are you being so secretive? Would I not approve of the lady in question?"

"It’s Ellie alright," Gwaine confessed, as they approached the front doors where most of their year had gathered.

"What? Elena? Elena wouldn’t come with you," Arthur said, confused.

"Why not?"

"Because you’re not…"

"What? Good enough for her? Don’t worry I’m just doing it as a friend," Gwaine said, shoving through some of the boys to get to the front.

"Really?"

"Yeah, some of the girls at her school are real bitches to her. I was over there last week making a visit when I heard them teasing her about not having a date for the ball," Gwaine said. "So I just asked, it was a spur of the moment thing, but she just looked so relieved and happy. And you should have seen that Vivian’s face, I thought she was going to scratch my eyes out."

"Aw Gwaine underneath all your manwhoring ways you are a real softy," Arthur teased.

"Piss off Barbie. Alright Lance?" he said, as Lance approached them in his tuxedo.

They got outside just in time to see the first limousines arriving. The cars from the girls’ school arrived first and Gwaine stepped down to offer his arm to Elena, who looked stunning in her pink dress.

"Such a romantic at heart," Lance whispered in Arthur’s ear.

"Yeah. Look here they are," he said, pointing to Gwen and Merlin getting out of their limo.

"Hey," Arthur signed, as he stared at Merlin in his tuxedo.

He looked amazing. Merlin smiled at him shyly before resuming his usual cheeky attitude.

"Well it’s not every day I get picked up from the train station in a limousine," he said.

"Don’t get used to it," Arthur said, offering his arm. "You look fantastic."

"So do you," Merlin said, leaning into Arthur.

Before the dance there was a formal dinner, where they sat in groups of four on their little tables. Arthur and Merlin were with Gwen and Lance but they barely paid any attention to the other couple. This did not seem to be a problem because Gwen and Lance only had eyes for each other.

"I could get used to this, first class dining," Merlin said, helping himself to a glass of champagne.

"Get used to it? You’ve been living this life since you were eight," Arthur said, watching Merlin drink with amusement.

"Ah but I’m the help Arthur it’s not the same," Merlin said, taking a potato from Arthur’s plate.

"Table manners aside, you are not the help, nor have you ever been. I mean your mother is our housekeeper, but it has never felt that way. I’ve always considered you to be my equal Merlin."

Merlin ducked his head, blushing. For once, he didn’t have a snappy comeback, and when he looked up again his eyes were fond.

When they finished dinner, Arthur led Merlin to the dance floor. "Is it weird dancing without the music?" he asked.

"A bit, but I still like it. When the music is er… I don’t know the word but I can feel it in the floor," Merlin said

"You just like me twirling you around the room."

"Mm," Merlin said, leaning closer, "I like your arms around me.”

They danced in comfortable silence for a while.

"Who’s the girl with Gwaine?" Merlin asked.

"Elena Goodwin, you’ve met her once or twice, why?"

"He’s being a bit soppy with her," Merlin said grinning at the pair.

"What’s he saying?"

"No Arthur that’s eavesdropping," Merlin argued.

"Go on," Arthur insisted.

"She just said ‘It’s nice to feel beautiful, even if it’s only for one day,’ and he said ‘you always look beautiful, Cinderella.’"

"No way!"

"Yeah," Merlin said.

"So Gwaine’s growing up, what is the world coming too?"

"Let’s not grow up, let’s steal all your dad’s money and run away to…"

"Neverland? My dad’s not that rich," Arthur said, dipping Merlin.

"I was going to say the Caribbean," Merlin said, leaning his head on Arthur’s shoulders, when he pulled him back up.

After a few slow dances, Arthur pulled back. "Do you… er want to go upstairs?"

"Smooth," Merlin said, but he took Arthur’s hand and allowed him to lead him out of the hall.

They slipped through the hallways undetected, only the final year pupils were still at the school, and they were all in the hall dancing. As were the teachers who had remained to supervise the event. The rest of the school seemed deserted, although Arthur was aware that several other people probably had the same idea as him.

As soon as they managed to get up the long flight of stairs and into Arthur’s bedroom, Merlin pushed him to the bed before sliding the bolt across the door. Arthur looked up at him from his position on the mattress, he took a shaky breath as Merlin moved towards him, a predatory gaze in his eyes. 

"Why are _you_ nervous?" Merlin asked, as he climbed into Arthur’s lap.

Arthur closed his eyes for a moment. "I don’t know," he said, opening his eyes again and looking at Merlin, "I’ve wanted this for so long it hurts, I need you so much."

"I’m here," Merlin said, pressing his hand over Arthur’s heart. "I’m right here," he repeated as he began to unbutton Arthur’s shirt and slip his hands inside to touch bare skin.

Arthur shuddered at the feel of Merlin’s hands, they were hot against his chest. He shrugged off his now open shirt before surging forward and capturing Merlin’s mouth with his own. They fought for control for a moment before Merlin relented and let Arthur take the lead. Arthur tasted champagne, chocolate, and something he had no word for but that was inherently Merlin. It reminded him of books and swimming and all those nights he had spent in his childhood, curled around Merlin because he felt the need to protect him from the rest of the world.

But now it was Merlin wrapped around him and just like then Arthur knew he wanted this forever.

When Merlin’s hands reached up to tangle in Arthur’s hair, Arthur flipped them over so that he was resting on top of Merlin. He pushed him into the bed and knelt above him. He reached down and removed Merlin’s clothing slowly, not breaking eye contact. When they were finally both in their underwear Arthur stared down at Merlin for a few moments, taking in the expanse of pale white skin before him. He ran his hands over Merlin's chest, grinning slightly as his nipples pebbled beneath his touch.

"Arthur," Merlin gasped, his voice needy and desperate.

Arthur lay back down and covered Merlin’s body with his own, kissing Merlin’s mouth, biting at his lower lip. He trailed his lips across Merlin’s jaw and down to his neck until he reached those sensitive ears. He sucked a lobe between his teeth, which had Merlin squirming and bucking underneath him.

Arthur remembered that Merlin couldn't hear the obscene sounds he was making or he would've been embarrassed. Merlin talked as much as any person with regular hearing, but Arthur was sure he'd never heard Merlin be quite so vocal as he was right now beneath him. He pulled back panting a little.

Kneeling above Merlin, straddling his hips he observed his dishevelled appearance, his eyes were dark, his cheeks flushed and his mouth was red, lips puffy from Arthur’s kisses. Arthur ran his thumb over Merlin's bottom lip, wondering why he'd waited for this for so long. Merlin reached up for him, but Arthur caught his hands, dropping kisses on his knuckles before letting go of them so they could stroke at his chest.

Arthur reached to touch Merlin's kiss reddened ears and he shuddered at the touch.

"Your ears are blushing," Arthur told him, delighted as always at how sensitive they were, and how he was the only person who ever got to touch them.

"Arthur," Merlin groaned, as Arthur ground his hips down against Merlin.

"Gonna make you feel so good," he murmured before he realised Merlin's eyes had closed.

He reached forward and caressed Merlin's eyelids until they opened. "Keep your eyes open Merlin, I want you to see what you can't hear," he whispered.

Merlin nodded and arched up as Arthur ran his hands back down to Merlin's briefs. He kept his eyes locked with Merlin as he pulled at the elastic waistband and removed Merlin’s final item of clothing, before doing the same for his own boxers. Then they were naked, skin to skin, every little touch sparking something like electricity.

He thrust against Merlin clumsily a few times, all the experience he had not helping his control at all. This was probably due to the fact that Merlin always tested his composure. He could do it with just a look sometimes. He reigned in his control, enough to reach between them and take them both in hand, gripping them together firmly and run his hand over their cocks.

"Jesus, fuck Arthur!" Merlin gasped, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment.

When he opened them again he stared up at Arthur, his mouth slack, his breath coming in short pants. He reached up grabbing Arthur's face and pulling him closer until they were sharing breath. Arthur bumped mouths with Merlin before looking down between them where his hand held there cocks together, it took him a moment before he had enough power of mind to move his hand again.

"Please," Merlin said, "I want more, I need…"

Arthur knew what he needed and he reluctantly let go to fumble through the drawer of his bedside table. He pulled out the small tube of lube and a condom.

"Merlin," Arthur said, scanning his face as he snapped the top of the tube and poured the contents onto his fingers.

"Please," Merlin said, as Arthur brushed over his hole with his index finger.

Looking into Merlin’s eyes for any sign of hesitation and finding none Arthur sank the digit in and began to thrust it.

"Oh god," Merlin said, falling back against the pillow, eyes falling closed.

Arthur was concentrating so hard on not coming from the feel of Merlin’s heat that he had no way to get Merlin to open his eyes again. Instead he slid in a second finger, then a third. When he crooked those fingers, Merlin’s eyes opened wide as he arched off the bed.

"Ready?" Arthur whispered.

"Yeah, please, yes," Merlin begged.

Arthur pulled his fingers out and fumbled with the packet of the condom. He slid it on with trembling hands.

"Keep your eyes open," Arthur whispered, as he lined himself up.

Merlin just stared back him silently, his body was quivering with anticipation. Then Arthur pushed in and the silence broke.

"Fuck- Arthur- there- fuck- oh God," Merlin said, forgetting to keep his eyes open as his head fell back.

Arthur loved Merlin’s voice, he always had, but never realised he could sound like this. That _he_ could make him sound like this. Arthur managed four controlled thrusts before Merlin pulled at him and caused him to lose some of the restraint. He still had enough power of mind to reach down and take hold of Merlin’s cock again before he sped up his thrusts.

Merlin was trembling underneath him, his hips jerking, as Arthur sped up his strokes.

"That's it Merlin," he mumbled, looking back up so that Merlin could read his lips. "C'mon, fuck, c'mon" he moaned, pressing his head against Merlin's shoulder as Merlin's eyes closed again.

"More Arthur please," he cried.

He was scrabbling at Arthur's back as he arched into Arthur's hand. His head fell back onto the pillow and his body tensed as he came quietly. After all his earlier sounds, he fell over the edge uttering a soft ‘Arthur’.

With Merlin boneless beneath him Arthur sped up his thrusts, and then he was coming, mouthing at Merlin's shoulder as his arms shook with the effort. Gasping he collapsed on top of Merlin.

When he finally came down he rolled off him, allowing him to breathe, and lay beside him panting. When Arthur recovered enough to open his eyes, he looked at Merlin, who was watching him with a dazed expression on his face.

"Tell me again why we’ve waited months to do that?" he asked.

"Me being the usual idiot, I wanted it to be perfect," Arthur said, stroking his finger over Merlin’s swollen lips.

"That was pretty perfect, would have been perfect last month too. That night in the living room too but hey, worth the wait I reckon."

"Oh yeah I’m sure us having sex in the living room would have gone down well with the family. Knowing our luck Morgana would have walked in camera at the ready, linked up to YouTube," Arthur argued.

"I’m pretty sure that’s illegal Arthur," Merlin said, trying to stifle a yawn with his hand.

"Tired? I knew you’d be useless after sex," Arthur said, watching Merlin as he fought sleep.

"It’s all that champagne."

"Well you are a total lightweight."

Arthur knew Merlin was close to sleep when he didn’t come up with a snarky response, instead sighed and settling against his chest. Arthur leant down and grabbed his discarded boxers to mop dab at Merlin’s chest, before pulling the covers around them.

"That was amazing by the way," Merlin said, running his fingers across Arthur’s chest.

Arthur didn’t say anything, Merlin’s eyes were closed. He ran his fingers through Merlin’s hair until he heard the soft snuffling sounds which told him that Merlin had fallen asleep. He leant away and switched off the bedside lamp, before curling around Merlin and closing his eyes, he never wanted this night to end.

 

The day before the operation Arthur took Merlin to the beach. Even though it was the middle of August temperatures were only twenty-five degrees. The way Merlin had harped on the entire journey down to the coast one would have thought they were off to Hawaii.

 

He had splashed about with Merlin in the tepid water, for almost an hour before he got bored and lay on his back to float about. He ignored Merlin swimming circles around him and splashing him. All of a sudden the sun came out properly, from behind a cloud warming Arthur, he opened his eyes and righted himself but stopped moving when he saw Merlin beside him. He wasn’t looking at Arthur, facing out to sea. Water droplets were running down his chest and reflecting the sudden sunlight, his hair was all messed up and glittering from the salt. Merlin was floating upright his legs kicking under the surface of the water, but his arms were still and held flat on the surface.

However, it was Merlin's face that caught Arthur's breath, his eyes were open and bluer than Arthur had ever seen them, reflecting the ocean and the sky. His mouth quirked in a smile Arthur had never seen before, he looked so serene that Arthur could do nothing but stare at him. And he did stare until Merlin shifted and turned to him grinning. Arthur gasped and grabbed Merlin's hand pulling him out of the water. Unlike the similar time in the poolroom Merlin was his now.

"What Arthur? I was swimming," Merlin said, but he allowed himself to be dragged along the beach.

When they were out of sight of the other beachgoers, Arthur turned back to him.

"I’m bored of swimming," he said, "let’s explore this place," he said running his hand through his hair and making it stick up at odd angles.

"Over there, in that cave," Merlin suggested, nodding toward a large gap in the cliff face and entwining their fingers.

He clung even tighter to Arthur as they entered the cave. As they got deeper into the cave it got darker, which meant they were no longer able to talk. Merlin held on to Arthur, pulling him out of the way of low hanging rocks, and giggling when he stumbled.

Eventually the cave widened out and they reached a sort of little rock room. They sat down leaning against the smooth damp rock and breathing in the tangy salty air. It was too dark to talk so they sat together in comfortable silence. Merlin was in Arthur’s lap holding onto his hand and tracing shapes onto his palm and all up his arm. Arthur watched Merlin, he could just make out the outline of his face in the dim light of the cave.

"Good god Merlin, I'm so in love with you," he whispered.

Merlin looked up at him, Arthur could see the light reflecting in his eyes, he had not heard Arthur, but somehow seemed aware that he had spoken. Arthur could almost read the question in his eyes.

"I like it in here," Merlin said, barely more than a breath, "I can almost feel how quiet it is. Can you smell the salt in the air? That's how it used to smell at my old house," he informed him.

Arthur squeezed Merlin's hand in affirmation. He could just make out Merlin's smile from the way his eyes crinkled, before he sat back and lent his head against Arthur's chest.

"Oh Merlin I wish you weren’t going to do this," Arthur said.

He knew Merlin wanted to and he was trying to be supportive, but he was terrified that something would go wrong. Selfishly he also worried that the surgery would be so successful that Merlin would come out with such good hearing he wouldn't need Arthur anymore. Arthur knew he was being stupid, but the thoughts still worried him.

 

 

 

They sat in the cave for hours, it was so silent and peaceful, the only sounds were his and Merlin’s breaths. They didn’t talk, they didn’t need to, they just relaxed into each other. Tomorrow was going to mark the start of a big change in both their lives and they wanted to hold on to the day for a little bit longer.

Eventually Merlin stood up and wordlessly led Arthur from the cave. When they got back to the car, he turned to Arthur, and stroked his face.

"I’ll be the same person tomorrow and next year and in ten years’ time. This isn’t going to change me and it isn’t going to change how I feel about you," he said.

"In the cave…" Arthur whispered.

"I may not be able to hear you, but I can read your body language as well as your face. You were shaking Arthur, which means you’re worried. Obviously about me, but I think I know your greatest fears now Arthur. You won’t lose me I swear," he said, staring into Arthur’s eyes with a determined expression on his face.

"I know," Arthur said, and he knew it was true, the tightness in his heart eased somewhat as Merlin just smiled at him. "You’re so perceptive," he said.

"Only with you," Merlin signed, before taking his hands and squeezing them.

The next day while Merlin underwent his surgery, Arthur sat in the waiting room with Hunith. Morgana had been there for a bit, but had gotten so irritated with his fidgeting and agitation she'd wandered off in search of coffee.

"It's a simple procedure Arthur," Hunith reminded him.

"Oh I know, that's not… I’m still scared," Arthur admitted.

"I know love," she said, taking Arthur’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

After another twenty minutes of sitting in silence, a doctor came out and led them to Merlin’s room. Merlin was lying in the bed looking at them as they approached him.

"How’s your head?" Arthur signed.

Merlin blinked. "Sore," he said, before lying back against the pillow and closing his eyes.

"Don’t worry Mrs Emrys, that’s the after effects of the anaesthetic, it’ll pass. The implantation of the device was a success. Merlin will be back in three weeks for the fitting of the external parts and then his post implantation therapy will begin," the doctor informed a worried looking Hunith.

Arthur watched Hunith take some leaflets from the doctor. She came to sit beside him and smiled at their entwined fingers.

"I’m glad you two sorted yourselves out," she said.

Since coming home from school Arthur kept catching Hunith watching him and smiling to herself whenever she saw them together.

"Oh yes I’m sure it was very difficult for you," Arthur said, smirking at her.

"It was actually, watching the two of you being idiots-"

"Well maybe you should’ve said something," Arthur said.

"You wouldn’t have listened, you’re both so stubborn and oblivious sometimes. Morgana’s already sick of this though," she told him.

"What me and Merlin holding hands?"

"You and Merlin being lovey dovey."

"Yeah well that’s because she likes to act like a total-"

"Arthur," she warned.

"I was going to say-"

"You were going to say bitch Arthur," Hunith said, shaking her head.

"Yes but in a nice way, she just thinks she’s so tough and above romance," Arthur explained.

Hunith nodded and smiled at him. "Only when she thinks someone is watching."

Arthur smiled back as he settled himself beside Merlin’s bed.

 

 


	10. The Greatest Adventure

Three weeks later Merlin had the external part of the implant fitted. Arthur waited for him while the doctor explained the next stages of the process. When Merlin came out of the office, he looked confused.

"How is it?"

"I don't know... loud? Maybe?" he signed.

"What can you hear?" Arthur asked, watching Merlin.

"Noise I think. It's really weird. The doctor said it was noise, but I don't understand it. It's a bit like seeing out of the corner of my eye," Merlin tried to explain.

"Just out of reach?"

"Yeah. Like I know I’m talking now, and you were just talking but it’s the same as when we weren’t, it’s just a constant thing. Is there other noise too?"

"Yeah but not loud, just traffic outside. I don’t think you can pick that up."

Merlin frowned, thinking.

"Are you happy?"

"Let me get back to you on that," he said, holding out his hand for Arthur.

"Right let’s go home then, we have a dinner date with your dad to get ready for," Arthur said.

"Don’t look so nervous, I have dinner with your dad all the time," Merlin said, smiling again.

"You’ve known my dad since you were eight," Arthur said, shoving Merlin as they walked through the hospital doors.

"Which really makes it more awkward if you think about it." Merlin argued as they approached the car.

When they got in the car Merlin reached up and flicked a switch on the little device on his ear. He then turned to look out of the window so Arthur didn’t comment as he started the car and began to drive them home.

"Why are you nervous? You’ve met my dad before," Merlin asked, as he parked the car in town.

"Before we were going out," Arthur reminded him.

Merlin shook his head and led him into the pub, where his father was already sitting in a booth.

"Hi dad," he said, with a little wave of his free hand.

"Hello Merlin, hello Arthur," Balinor said, there was something off about his voice, which Merlin obviously didn’t pick up on as they sat down.

"Hi Mr Emrys," Arthur said shyly.

"So the oper-"

"Hold on a second son, I need to speak to Arthur first," Balinor said, turning towards him. "I hear you and my son have become, let’s say intimately involved."

"Yes sir," Arthur said.

Balinor shook his head, he looked angry.

"Stop it dad, that’s not funny," Merlin said, narrowing his eyes.

Balinor continued to glare at Arthur for another minute before he burst out laughing. "Oh your face, priceless," he said, chuckling to himself.

"I’m glad you’re amused," Merlin said, scowling at his father

Arthur watched the man for a moment before smiling weakly.

"So the operation, the implant all good?"

"Yeah. It’s turned off at the moment because it’s loud in here. I have to start it in quiet places first," Merlin explained.

Balinor nodded. "Right then boys drinks, what are you having Arthur?"

"I’ll have a lager please," Arthur said.

"Right one lager, one coca cola," Balinor said standing up.

"Dad," Merlin protested.

"You’re seventeen Merlin," Balinor reminded him.

"Why did you invite us to a pub if I’m not allowed to have one drink?"

"Because you wanted to bring Arthur along. If you’re going to date an older man, you going to be more accommodating Merlin," Balinor said.

Merlin glared at him.

"Just offer him a beer," Arthur said.

"Would you like a beer son?"

"No thanks I’m driving," Merlin said.

"Then… nevermind," Balinor said.

As he walked away, Arthur could hear him muttering to himself about how contrary his son was.

Dinner was pleasant once Merlin finished sulking at not being offered alcohol. The conversation mostly pertained to Merlin’s upcoming therapy, and Arthur’s new job at his father’s company. Then Merlin got up to use the loo and Balinor turned to Arthur, who shifted, expecting a lecture.

"I’m glad you two got together," he said, surprising him.

"Oh… thanks, everyone keeps saying that lately. We actually got together months ago."

"Well I haven’t seen you in a while, but I’ve been seeing Merlin a lot. He seemed so happy that the two of you worked things out, but today, there’s just something different. I know it’s you. You’re very important to him," Balinor said.

"He’s very important to me too," Arthur said.

"I know. And I know I messed up when Merlin was younger. I have no excuse so I’m not going to try and make one up. I’m so glad he had you and your family and Hunith to raise him right," Balinor said.

"You’re making the effort now, that’s what’s important."

Arthur could see Merlin watching their conversation from the bar, he was waiting, giving his father the chance to speak without interrupting.

"I was nervous about meeting. Last year I mean. I knew that if you didn’t like me, it was you, not Merlin’s mother who had the power to get him to stop seeing me," Balinor confessed.

"But I wouldn’t have unless I was worried you were going to hurt him," Arthur admitted.

"I know. You’re a good man Arthur," Balinor said, smiling at him.

"Most of the time," Merlin said, joining them again.

"Don’t be rude Merlin," Balinor said.

"I’m not. I’m managing Arthur’s ego, somebody’s got to," he said.

"Ha ha." Arthur said dryly, sitting back to allow Merlin to talk with his father.

  
  


Later that night, in Arthur’s room Merlin turned on his implant for the first time since the car ride home from the hospital.

"What are you doing? We’re going to bed," Arthur said, confused.

"Wait and see, come closer I want to hear you, just your voice. I won’t be able to distinguish it from anything else yet but I want to try." Merlin signed.

Arthur stepped behind Merlin and leant his chin on Merlin’s shoulder

"I don't know what you want me to say," Arthur said, "can you understand? You can't can you? I never thought you’d hear my voice. This is so weird-"

"I don't know what you’re saying," Merlin said, hands twitching. "But I can hear you. I think so anyway. Your voice is, I don't know what the word is..."

"Sexy?" Arthur suggested. "Oh Merlin I love you, you know that right? I didn’t want you to get this surgery, even when I was being supportive, but now I just want you to hear me say I love you. If you hear anything I want you to hear that. Please don’t change Merlin, I’m so scared that you’ll start hearing and then you can have a boyfriend who doesn’t sign. I know it’s impossible but I’m still scared. That’s not the reason why you love me but…"

"Arthur?" Merlin said, turning around.

For a horrible moment Arthur thought Merlin had somehow heard his confession, he watched Merlin.

"Arthur what are you saying, you're upset?" Merlin asked concerned.

"Nothing just rambling," Arthur muttered, looking down at his feet.

"See I know you spoke then, look up Arthur," Merlin insisted.

"I was just worried that if you’re able to hear…"

Merlin shook his head in exasperation at the same old argument. "You are an idiot sometimes, but I love you anyway," he said.

"Ok."

"Keep talking I like it," Merlin said, turning round and leaning against Arthur again.

Arthur slid down against the bed, and pulled Merlin so that he was sitting in his lap.

"I still don’t know what to say, I guess it doesn’t really matter because you can only hear the noise. Maybe I’ll sing you a song that might feel less weird. Except now I can’t think of what to sing, this isn’t easy because it’s not a conversation, can’t you just turn round? It’s too weird like this I feel-"

"Are you saying rude things? Will said that's why people whisper in each other's ears sometimes. Were you talking dirty?" Merlin asked, leaning back so that he could see Arthur’s response.

Arthur flushed. "No I wasn't actually, would you like me to?"

Merlin smiled at him. "Nah it’d be a waste if I couldn’t hear the words."

They stayed that way until they fell asleep, Merlin in Arthur's lap listening to him talk himself hoarse over little things. Arthur talked about their childhood, about his dreams for their future, about every little thing he loved about Merlin, from his ears to his cheeky smile, to his kind heart.

At one point Merlin told him that he didn’t know what he was saying, but it made him feel loved. He said it was the way Arthur was holding him as he talked, but he would like to believe that is was Arthur’s actual voice, so Arthur didn’t argue.

It was a little awkward in the morning when they woke up. Arthur stretched his aching back and tried to shift Merlin off him, but Merlin turned into him and snuggled closer. Pressing his face into Arthur's neck, Arthur closed his eyes and sighed. Merlin shuffled and splayed a hand on Arthur's chest. Merlin began to moan in his sleep, and started to mouth at Arthur's neck.

Unfortunately at that moment, Arthur’s right leg went into cramp and he had to stand up, dislodging Merlin in the process. Merlin landed on his back and woke up, looking around the room as he tried to work out why he was on the floor.

"Sorry, cramp" Arthur said, stretching his legs.

Merlin looked at him, then rubbed the side of his head.

Merlin smiled sleepily and stood up, "I was having a lovely dream."

"Dirty dreams? Because you were kissing me and moaning," Arthur asked reaching to pull Merlin toward him.

"Yeah no..." Merlin said, he sounded confused.

He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Arthur my head," he cried, "my head," he repeated.

Arthur caught him before he fell back and helped him lay down.

"Merlin," Arthur begged, "oh god what's wrong? Help!" he shouted, "someone help!”

"Arthur," Merlin groaned, "Arthur my head," he opened his eyes and squinted at Arthur, "my head."

"Jesus, I'm going to get my phone Merlin, I'll call an ambulance."

But Merlin wouldn't let go of his hand. Arthur scanned Merlin's face; his eyes were screwed up in pain and he was gritting his teeth. Arthur leant down and touched Merlin's implant. "I'm going to take this off Merlin, just for a bit ok?" he said, even though Merlin couldn't see him.

Arthur clicked the pieces and pulled off the outer part, like Merlin had shown him. Merlin didn't open his eyes but he seemed to relax.

Hunith burst into the room in her dressing gown, looking terrified. "What’s wrong?"

"I don’t know," Arthur said, clutching at Merlin’s hand, and stroking his hair.

"I’ll call Gaius," she said, rushing back out of the room.

Arthur held onto Merlin until Gaius arrived. Hunith sat by the door watching with a worried expression but she didn’t’ say anything. When Morgana came in with Gaius, she offered Arthur a weak smile before leaving again to give them some privacy. Gaius got straight to business, kneeling in front of Merlin and shaking him. Merlin opened his eyes and stared at Gaius.

"Hello Merlin," Gaius said.

"Hi Gaius, my head hurts," Merlin said, closing his eyes again.

"I took the implant off, he seemed to relax," Arthur explained.

Gaius nodded. "I’m afraid these headaches are to be expected for the first few months," he said.

He turned to Hunith who looked distressed. "The problem is, everyday noise may seem as loud as… a music concert or an aeroplane to Merlin," he explained. "But on top of that his brain is having to process something it doesn’t really understand, that’s what the therapy is for."

"So what do we do?" she asked.

"Speak to your therapists when you see them, but I advise treating the headache like a migraine. Painkillers, dark rooms and plenty of rest," he said.

Arthur nodded and lifted Merlin onto the bed where he rolled over and went to sleep. Arthur turned back to help Gaius up.

"Thank you Arthur, my knees aren’t what they used to be. Try to get him to take ibuprofen, it’ll help," Gaius said, walking towards Hunith. "Don’t worry, he’ll be alright, he knew this was likely to happen," he said, trying to reassure her.

  
  


Merlin slept for a day and a half, Arthur didn’t try to wake him, hoping that he would feel better if he woke up himself. When he did wake he ate the sandwich Arthur made him, before asking for the outer shell of his implant back. Arthur handed it over with a frown.

"It will only get better if I keep it up," Merlin said, taking in Arthur’s expression, "if it gets bad I’ll turn it off," he said.

They went downstairs to living room where they found Morgana and Morgause curled up watching a film. When the two girls saw Arthur and Merlin watching them they sprang apart, moving to opposite ends of the sofa.

"It’s too late we’ve been watching you for five minutes," Merlin said.

"I knew you two were snuggily. There’s no need to be embarrassed Morgs, you can’t be a badass all the time," Arthur said, smirking at her.

Morgana glared at him, but her cheeks were pink.

"How are you feeling Merlin?" Morgause asked, trying to take the attention of Morgana before she got mad.

"Ok I think," Merlin said, moving to sit down in between them.

Morgause eyed Merlin’s implant, she reached out to touch it but Merlin moved away.

"Ears!" Merlin snapped.

"Don't touch his ears," Arthur said, at the same time

"Sorry," she apologised.

Merlin smiled at her. "What are we watching then? Girl only movies? Or can we join you?"

"Of course you can join us," Morgause said, "it’s Pan’s Labyrinth," she informed them.

Arthur pulled Merlin up from the sofa and told Morgana to stop being silly and move back to Morgause. When she did, albeit reluctantly, he sat back down and pulled Merlin into his lap.

  
  


The next few days were incident free. Merlin had a few meetings with his speech therapist, and came back a little frustrated at how difficult the adjustment was going to be, but he stayed as positive as possible. He became a little withdrawn and asked Arthur to give him some space while he got used to things. This upset Arthur, but he promised to try for Merlin’s sake.

Morgana noticed right away, as soon as they stopped spending every minute together.

"Where's Merlin?" she asked Arthur, when she found him in the living room on his own.

"I don't know, the pool maybe," Arthur answered, looking up from his laptop.

"I want to show him something," Morgana said.

"Well he’s not here," Arthur said.

"Well get off your arse and help me find him," Morgana said, closing his laptop.

Arthur sighed, but he got off the sofa and followed her out of the room. They searched the house, but couldn’t find Merlin, until they got to the library. Arthur spotted Merlin lying face down on the floor, he was groaning in pain due to another headache.

"Shit," Arthur said, when he noticed the outer part of Merlin's implant already discarded on the floor.

Arthur knelt down and pressed a hand to Merlin's back to let him know he was there.

"What should I do?" Morgana asked.

"I don't know, get some cushions."

She nodded and obeyed without argument.

Merlin was tense and shaking underneath Arthur’s hand. Arthur reached under him and pulled him upright. His eyes were closed, Arthur tapped his eyelid as gently as he could.

"Can't," Merlin said through gritted teeth, "hurts."

Arthur was at a loss of what to do, he stroked Merlin’s face, trying somehow to ease the pain. When he rubbed his thumb behind Merlin's ear as Morgana approached with the pillows, he felt Merlin relax against him. He began to rub gentle circles behind Merlin's ear.

"Arthur you’re touching his ears," Morgana whispered, piling the cushions around Merlin.

"It's helping, and I’m allowed," Arthur said, not removing his thumb.

She narrowed her eyes and reached forward.

"Don't," Arthur said.

But she didn't get very close, before Merlin batted her hand away.

"Ears... don't touch my ears, only Arthur," he murmured.

She raised an eyebrow at Arthur.

"No time for your experiments Morgana he’s in pain," Arthur said.

"But don’t you see?"

"No. See what? I’ve been allowed to touch his ears for ages now," Arthur said, some of the tension easing as Merlin relaxed against him.

"But it hurts when it’s anyone else, and he knows it’s you, even without opening his eyes! It means he trusts you completely, on such an instinctual level, that’s pretty rare Arthur."

"He’s pretty rare," Arthur said.

"Gross," Morgana said, but she was smiling at him.

They decided Merlin’s room was too far away so they surrounded him with pillows and cushions. And covered him with a blanket, Arthur laid down next to him, so that he could cradle Merlin’s head and help him to relax.

"He’ll get better," Morgana said, watching them.

"Of course he will, he has me," Arthur said, confident that with his help Merlin would adjust to his new situation. For the first time he had no doubts that he and Merlin could make it through anything.

Morgana was right, Merlin did adjust. It was a very slow process and he still only used the implant in quieter places as he got used to it. His therapist said it was something that was going to take years for someone of his age who had lived without hearing for his whole life. He told Arthur one night that the sound of his voice made the headaches worthwhile. If he was given the choice he would do it again, just to hear Arthur whispering unintelligible sounds into his ear.

When Arthur started working in London, Merlin came to stay with him in the flat his father owned. He was only going to spend a couple of days there, but those days turned into weeks, which turned into months. They spent six months living like adults, independent of their family for the first time in their lives.

Arthur felt content sharing a home with just Merlin. He told Merlin this, how he felt confident and sure for the first time in his life. Merlin said it was because, while he was immature, he was never really a proper child. He’d always been more comfortable around grownups than other children. Now with his job, although temporary, he had others deferring to him, respecting him, which gave him a confidence boost. Arthur knew he was right, but he also felt that just living in the flat with Merlin imagining how it could be this way forever helped.

Eventually, Arthur’s internship ended it was time for their other great adventure. When they pulled up to the house a few days later he found Morgana and Morgause painting a beaten up VW camper van.

"Look what your dad got you!" Morgause said.

Merlin dashed off to grab a brush and Arthur went to stand by Morgana who was painting daisies on the side.

"Are you sure you don’t want me and Morgause to join you?" She asked, not looking up from her masterpiece.

"Positive. We’re not doing hotels, we’re camping. You’d hate it," Arthur argued.

"Yeah I would. So all ready to begin the new chapter of your life?"

"Yep, I can’t wait," Arthur told her.

"Dad’s going to miss you when you go to Uni," she said, "I won’t of course," she added, just to keep up appearances.

"Why? I’ve been at boarding school for years."

"You probably won’t come back this time though, you’ve got a new life just waiting with Merlin," she said.

Arthur wondered if she would be moving back when she graduated, or leaving them to go live with Morgause. He thought that it would be the latter.

"I guess, but I’ll always be there for him," Arthur insisted. "Now you’re calling him dad, that’s new."

"Yeah I’m just trying it out. He is my dad though, he raised me. He pretended not to be, to protect me. I was angry before but I know he loves me," she said, moving away from her painting and looking at him, through shining eyes.

"I’m glad you can see that now," Arthur said.

"Everything’s sort of changing isn’t it? Can you believe we’re all grown up? Sometimes it seems like only yesterday you were falling from that tree," she said.

"You always thought you were grown up though Morgs. But I know what you mean and to be honest I can’t wait, I’m finally content in my own skin," he told her.

"I can see that," she said, before she rubbed her paintbrush over Arthur’s face.

"Oi!" Arthur yelled, grabbing the bucket.

This led to a full on paint battle, which ended with them covered head to toe in various colours of the rainbow.

"We look like a hippy pride parade," Morgause said, as Morgana doodled flowers on Merlin’s cheeks.

Arthur just laughed as he watched Merlin trying to escape Morgana’s clutches.

 

A week later, Arthur and Merlin were outside the house again, this time saying their goodbyes. Morgana had been right, both Uther and Hunith were acting like they’d never return no matter what they said. Arthur realised that they might be right, they’d be returning just before the start of university, and then they would only be coming back for the holidays.

He looked up at the house and realised the difference between returning from university and returning from boarding school. His last few years of school he had been returning for Merlin. Now Merlin would be with him in Oxford, then London and they would be making their own home, of that he was certain.

He could see that his father could see this too, and it made him feel a little homesick. But Uther nodded and smiled, and Arthur knew his father was going to be fine, he must have been preparing for this day for a long time now. He stepped forward and hugged Arthur, before hugging Merlin. Then Hunith did the same, hugging them both with equal ferocity.

"Goodbye my darlings," she said.

"We’ll see you in a few months mum," Merlin said, disentangling himself.

He turned to the stairs where Morgana was standing watching the scene with amusement.

"Come on," he signed, "let everyone see your inner softie, just this once."

Morgana pursed her lips, but she walked gracefully down the stairs, towards Merlin. She stopped in front of him, Arthur could tell she was signing something but he couldn’t see her hands. She stopped and threw her arms around Merlin’s neck, kissing him on the cheek.

Morgana pulled away and approached Arthur. "Take care little brother," she said, blinking away tears.

She hugged him and then stepped back. "Go on off with you, I’ll hold down the fort."

Arthur nodded and held out his hand to Merlin, together they walked to the camper van and climbed in.

"Finally," Arthur said, as he started the engine.

"We’re free," Merlin said.

"Just us now."

They drove south heading toward Dover and then were off on their journey through Europe. They started in France then made their way through the rest of the continent, visiting the sites and cities along the way. They climbed the Eiffel Tower, sampled the Spanish club life, visited all the beautiful buildings in Rome, and ate plenty of German chocolate. The pair even went to a festival in Belgium and while Merlin could not appreciate the music, he enjoyed the atmosphere and of course the beer.

One night, when they were parked up in a field in Austria, they climbed on top of the camper van and lay down side by side.

"This would have been perfect," Arthur said, after they had been quiet for a while.

"Perfect for what?"

"Before I told you how I felt. I was planning to do it on our trip, when the perfect romantic moment showed itself."

"You and your perfect moments," Merlin said running a finger down Arthur’s arm. "This would have been pretty perfect, but I’m glad you didn’t wait."

"Me too."

They laid there in silence looking up at the stars, Arthur was thinking about the future, he couldn’t see its shape yet. He had university and he would have a job at his father’s company. He would probably be very successful, and he knew he was unlikely to ever have to worry about money. But the one constant he knew would be there was Merlin, that much he was certain of. Arthur had been feeling confident for a while, getting over his childhood complexes and seeing his successes for what they really were, and that was thanks to Merlin.

"I love you Merlin," Arthur said, still looking up at the sky.

Merlin was watching the stars too. "I love you too," he said, without missing a beat.

Arthur turned and stared at him confused.

"You say it so often I know what it sounds like when you say it," Merlin said.

"The first words you’ve truly heard," Arthur said, awestruck.

"Yeah," Merlin said, his eyes shining.

Arthur turned and kissed Merlin under the stars. The first words that Merlin heard were ‘I love you’ from him, just like he’d wished for months ago, when he whispered all that nonsense into Merlin’s ears.

"You’re mine Merlin, and I’m yours. Always have been I think." Arthur signed against Merlin’s palm.

Merlin didn’t say anything just stared back at him, but Arthur could read exactly how he felt in his eyes, they always did understand each other without words.

 


End file.
